The Egg and I Page #4

- That's why I put it here.

- So it would get plenty of water.

- Have it your own way.

Come on, get dressed. We're gonna have

lunch at Harriet Putnam's, remember?

- Do we have to?

- Yep.

It certainly is

a beautiful layout.

Betty, maybe one of these days

we can have something like this.

- If we ever get a contract for our eggs.

- I could speak to Mr Henty.

He's the agent for Great Western Markets

out here. They buy all my dairy products.

I'd appreciate it. We're at the stage

where we can handle a steady contract.

I'll talk to him. He does almost anything

I ask him to do.

- He's such a dear.

- Ayoung man, I take it?

Ah, he used to be.

He's a little crotchety now, I'm afraid.

Besides, he has a wife.

Ha, those were

the old rules.

- Do you think we could go outside and look around?

- Oh, of course.

I love to show it off.

Just wait 'til we get to the barn...

and I show you

my Speckled Sussex.

- Her what?

- Speckled Sussex.

- That's a breed of hen. Very special too.

- Oh.

It's my theory an egg-raising flock ought

to be kept at 96% lay most of the year.

- I've got a headache.

- What do you think, Harriet?

Well, of course,

so much depends on the breed.

- I've got a headache!

- Huh?

- I've got a headache. I think I'd like to go home.

- That's too bad.

- Wouldn't you like to take something and lie down?

- No, I'd like to go home.

- Sort of hoping we could look around a little more.

- You can stay.

I can get home by myself.

I'm sure Miss Putnam...

will be only too glad to drive you home...

when she's through with you.

- I'm sorry we have to rush off like this.

- I understand.

Drop in sometime when you're driving by.

You haven't seen anything yet.

- I'll do that. Don't forget about Mr Henty.

- I won't.

- I do hope you'll feel better.

- Thanks.

- Do you have these headaches often?

- Often enough.

- Very interesting. Goodbye.

- Bye!

- Do you find Harriet attractive?

- She knows a lot about chickens.

If that's how you measure your women,

where does that leave me?

You don't have to know about chickens

to be attractive. A lot of women don't.

When I think of the years I spent learning

how to be irresistible to my husband.

All you have to do

is cackle.

- I wonder if she could.

- Could what? Cackle?

No. Take you

away from me.

- Don't be an idiot.

- It's happened, you know.

Men have no sense at all when it

comes to women. Babes in arms.

- Will you stop? I can take care of myself.

- Every man has his danger point.

Just get beyond it and...

he's a goner.

- Don't talk like that.

- It's true.

Your danger point might happen

to be Harriet Putnam's beautiful house...

and all that expensive farm machinery

and those fat Hereford cows...

touched by no human hand,

poor things.

I am not interested in Harriet Putnam's

beautiful house...

or her farm machinery

or her cows.

I'm only interested

in chickens and, uh, you.

Oh, look out!

Oh, now look what you've done.

What's that?

That is a flat tyre.

It isn't enough

to go in the ditch.

- What are we going to do now?

- We're going to change it.

Oh. Well.

- Lucky I got some new equipment or

we really would be stuck. - Mm-hmm.

- That's funny.

- What are you looking for?

- The jack!

- Is that it?

No, that's a wrench.

Don't you know the difference?

Oh, is a jack that kind of funny-looking

thing that goes up and down?

- Yes, that's it.

- Oh, that.

- Where is it?

- I... used it yesterday...

to prop open

the kitchen door.

You see, Sport was...

- It's probably there now.

- Uh-huh.

All we need now to make

the day perfect is for it to rain.

You had to open your big mouth.

Bob! My garden!

- Don't say it! You told me so!

- It's too bad, honey.

Bob, we've got to get away

from here before it's too late.

They don't want us here. The mountains,

rain, wind, they don't want us here!

- They're fighting us all the time!

- Stop it.

- It'll be all right.

- We've got to get away before we lose everything!

- Before we lose each other!

- Betty!

Betty, wait!

"Stir rapidly. "

"... rapidly... and drop

gently into pot. "

Well.

- Betty, where are my guns?

- In the closet.

- What's the matter? What?

- Cougar!

- A cougar!

- What's that?

Something like a lion.

Very dangerous.

- Oh.

- He's in the woods back of the barn.

Crowbar and Geoduck

just told me. They saw him.

- What are you gonna do?

- Shoot him!

- Why? Won't he go away?

- No, he's after the livestock.

Oh.

Maybe if you'd just

leave him alone, he'd disappear.

Cougars don't disappear.

You have to shoot 'em!

Here you are, Crowbar.

Now we'll get Sport.

He's a great hunting dog. Be a wonderful

chance to see how he works.

- Look at him, he's raring to go.

He's got the scent already.

- Stand aside when I let him out.

He's pretty wild.

All right, boy, after him! Hey, Sport!

- Sport, this way! Sport, where are you going?

- Bob!

- Hey, Sport!

- Bob!

- Where is he?

- He's under the stove! What is it, the cougar?

- No, it's Sport. Sport, come on, boy.

- Sport?

Come on, we're

going hunting. Cougar!

Sport, come on, boy. Come on, Sporty.

Sport, come out of there!

All right, stay there.

That dog is... is dishonest.

Okay, it's safe now.

You can come out.

Bob! Bob!

Bob, they're here!

Hurry up!

Oh, oh.

Oh, you little darlings you.

Oh, aren't they cute!

- What's happened? What's the matter?

- Look, millions of them!

Aren't they wonderful?

- Be careful, they injure very easily.

- Wait 'til Mr Henty sees.

I'll bet he'll get us the biggest egg

contract in the county.

- Oh, do we have to name them all?

- They're not pets, you know.

They're our stock in trade. If they

don't get jammed under the brooder...

and smother or drown in the drinking

fountain or get coccidiosis...

or peck each other to death,

we may be in the chicken business yet.

If you feel that way about them,

why not drown 'em all now?

After you've fed and watered them every three

hours until they can take care of themselves...

you won't feel

so sentimental about them.

If you kids had any sense, you'd go

right back where you came from.

- What are you doing?

- I'm cutting down a tree.

- Whatever for? It's a lovely tree.

- To clear space for the new chicken house.

Oh, don't you think it's kind of awful

to cut down a tree?

We're not running a park here. Stand over

there so the chips don't fly in your face.

- Won't it fall on the chicken house?

- No, no, dear, it won't.

Looks like it to me.

Darling, you take care of the kitchen

and I'll take care of the tree.

I just thought,

that's all.

Honey, it just so happens that I spent

a whole summer in a logging camp once.

I've watched experts

fall tree after tree.

Just the same.

Look, dear, this isn't a matter of guesswork.

It's a matter of science.

It's a question of leverages, weights and

balances which I've worked out to the nth degree.

The tree isn't going to fall on the chicken

house. It's going to fall right there.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes