The Ex Page #4

Wesley's mom

lives in New Jersey,

and his dad works late.

Oh...

well, I'm glad

we could help out.

Welcome to the family, Wesley.

Thanks, Tom.

Hey, guys,

You wanna see

something really cool?

Sure.

( gulps )

Wesley, you're gonna

hurt yourself.

That was awesome.

Wait a second.

This is it.

- Sofia:
What are you doing?

- The Pickle Whip campaign.

This is how I'm gonna

redeem myself.

You gotta promise me

you're never gonna do that again.

Do that again.

- I don't feel so good.

- Oh, come on, buddy. I need this for work.

- I don't know.

- I'll give you 20 bucks.

- Tom!

- Done and done.

Ow!

You hit my face.

If you want to feel

your insignificance

in the vastness of the universe,

I mean really feel it,

try boarding

in the Himalayas.

You, inspire me.

Sorry about your face.

That's Don Wollebin.

The rollercoaster

comes down the hill.

Right?

Smash cut to this guy.

"I am going so fast!

Wow!"

And a brief shot of his buddies.

Wait a minute.

This can only

go one direction--

"Whoaaaa!"

Rolls right into

a pile of Pickle Whip.

Tagline:

( mimics child's voice )

"Get whipped!"

( chuckles )

I think that's really neat.

Hmm.

- That feels like a commercial.

- Exactly.

Who here

likes commercials?

Really, you like commercials?

Nobody likes commercials.

You know, that's true too.

( all murmuring )

We need a new slogan

around here--

( murmurs )

"No commercials."

Definitely food for thought.

Chipper, did you--

Yes, I will give it a go.

Uh, Don, I've been thinking

along the same lines.

I don't see these as commercials,

I see them more like 30-second movies.

Having said that...

Power Pickle.

He's Senor Tomato,

only less Mexican,

and more attitude.

Power Pickle

loves extreme skating.

He loves

extreme snowboarding.

Also enjoys

extreme skydiving.

Most of all,

he enjoys extreme lunching.

Ha!

"Extreme lunching."

I think you have

something there.

( whispers )

Power... Pickle.

"Power Pickle."

It's phallic.

- Bob:
Phallic.

- Oops.

Anyone else?

- Well, I have something.

- Who's this?

This is Tom Reilly. He's our

new assistant associate-creative.

Tom, it's generally

the creatives

or the associate-

creatives

who make these proposals.

It is better to listen

to a wise beggar

than a rich fool.

I want to hear the beggar.

Okay, thank you.

I saw this kid do this

kind of funny trick

the other day.

And I don't know,

I think it would make a hilarious ad.

Tell me what you guys think.

( laughing )

No way!

That's funny.

Congratulations, Tom.

You did it.

Tom, I want you going down

to Lion's Pride tomorrow

to show this thing

to Jack Connor.

- Chip.

- Boss.

You're Tom's wingman

on this thing.

Wingman, his.

How about that?

Do you mountain bike?

Yeah, whenever I get

the chance.

There's some amazing trails

around here, especially at dawn.

It's awe-inspiring.

We should go sometime.

Yeah.

- All right.

- Yeah, it's great, yeah.

I got to get a bike.

Hey, I hope there's

no hard feelings,

'cause I thought your whole

extreme pickle thing was really cool,

- when he was skydiving and stuff--

- Tom.

Let me tell you something:

If you think I care about Power Pickle,

you're sorely mistaken, okay?

I can think up ideas

like that in my sleep.

And someday, when I'm

kicking ass in Barcelona,

I'm gonna look back

on this whole campaign

as some sad, pathetic,

little joke.

He said that?

I have no idea what

he was talking about.

There's this ad agency

in Barcelona called Idea.

They're, like, cutting-edge

euro-geniuses.

Chip applied for a job there.

Nobody's supposed to know about it,

but I saw him

mailing off a bunch

of Senor Tomato figurines.

- That guy is out of his mind.

- Tell me about it.

He is great

in the sack, though.

- How do you know?

- Nancy slept with him last Christmas.

She said it was

the best sex she ever had.

Apparently, he can, like,

balance on his arms

and then the angle

makes it intense

- because you're sitting--

- I don't want to hear about it, okay?

- What the hell?

- What?

- Someone stole the picture of my wife.

- ( doorbell rings )

- Sofia Kowalski!

- Abby March, wow!

Hey, it is so good

to see you.

- And who is this little guy?

- This is Oliver.

Petey--

Petey,

Do you want

to give Oliver a hug?

Hmm? Yeah?

Oh, that's a big yes.

Oh, yes.

Loves.

Oh. Loves.

Loves for your new friend, oh.

"Apana" is the sanskrit word

for "waste."

The apana asana

aids in digestion

And helps with gas

and constipation.

Shall we get permission?

- ( all whispering )

- ( babies fussing )

Do you want to do apana?

Good? Thank you.

Abby:

Sofia...

I noticed that you didn't

ask Oliver's permission.

In our class,

we use the RIE method.

You must ask

your baby's permission

- before you do anything.

- Oh, okay.

Isn't that right, Petey?

Did you need some?

I don't know.

What is it?

It's bag balm.

Dairy farmers use it

as a moisturizer for cow udders.

It is the best thing

in the world for sore nipples.

I have a ton at home.

You are welcome to have this.

Thanks. Yeah, breastfeeding's

been hell for me.

As soon as Oliver

hits six months,

I'm switching

to formula, big time.

( fussing,

whispering stops )

Sofia, please no formula.

If you don't want to do it,

I'll breastfeed Oliver myself.

Wollebin just gave this to me

to thank me for hiring you.

- Wow.

- You know,

it hasn't been exactly

smooth for me

since he took over.

Anyway, I just want

to tell you that

I think you're

doing a great job, son.

Well, thank you...

- Dad.

- Have you seen my whales?

What?

Have I showed you

my whales?

No.

Sometimes I just sit

in here and stare at them.

- ( whales calling )

- Bob:
It's so peaceful.

I even give them names.

That one-- ow, f***!

- Are you okay?

- That lamp is hotter than sh*t!

- ( Oliver crying )

- Shh, come on, buddy.

( shushing )

- After you.

- Hi.

Hello, wife.

Hello, child.

- Daddy's home.

- He's been like this all day.

Oh, no!

What's wrong, cranky bear?

Hey, little bear.

- ( stops crying )

- Hi.

Gotta be kidding me.

- What's with the bike?

- Hot, right?

Wollebin asked me to go

mountain biking with him.

He asked me right after

he put me in charge

of the Pickle Whip

campaign.

- $1,200?

- Babe, a bike like that should cost $1,500.

Try and bend those rims.

Try. Kick 'em.

You can't bend those rims.

They're called

high-performance rims.

Honey, you've never been

mountain biking in your life.

Look, if you want me to return the bike,

I'll return the bike.

- I want you to return the bike.

- No, I'm not going to return the bike,

Because I think

physical fitness is important,

and I think it's good

for my career.

My day was terrible.

This girl I hated

in high school came over

and made me go

to her baby group

and everyone called me

a bad mommy.

You're an amazing mommy.

Daddy gets to go mountain

biking with Wollebin.

Chip can't go

mountain biking.

- Tom.

- It was a joke.

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