The First Turn-On Page #5

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that sticks together.

Ah, phooey.

And now we've all got to

get together to help find

Michelle shell and her campers.

Because if we don't

find them, the camp

will shut down next year.

[cheers]

Did anybody hear anything?

No.

No.

I thought I heard something.

We should be saved soon.

My mom's coming to

pick me up today.

She's going to go nuts

if she can't find me.

Why, Mrs. Anderson, I

was just looking for you.

You know very well, I

phoned you this morning

and told you I'd be there

promptly this afternoon

to pick up my Danny.

Now, where is he?

What's going on around here?

Here?

Well, here is the basketball

court where we teach them

the rudiments of basketball.

Basketball, my Danny

loves basketball.

Is he playing?

Well, playing is only

a figurative term, mam,

you see it parallels the life--

Can't you take me

to see my Danny?

Can you?

Can you?

Can you?

Canoe.

Yes, we have a marvelous

canoeing program.

And I'd love to show

you this, Mrs. Anderson.

Anne, you can be

so quiet lately.

It's getting cold in here.

Try not to think about the cold.

Think about something else.

Think about the first time

you got laid because I

want to hear all about it.

Yeah, me too.

Well, I'm sure my

stories isn't half

as exciting as any of yours.

I'm just a little farm girl.

(VOICEOVER) And didn't know any

little boys farm boys my age.

The work was so hard and the

hired hands were so lazy,

I had to make out

the best I could.

I don't know what

it was, whether it

was the heat, the sweat, the

frustration of the farm work

or what.

But something changed

for me that day.

And it first hit me later

that night when my girlfriends

came over for a slumber party.

Annie, I'm going to go on my

very first date Saturday night.

What should I do?

OK, this is what you do.

Now, put your hand on

his leg about up to here.

You don't want him to

think you're too easy.

Now, he's going to

pretend to yawn like this.

He's going to go to second base.

Don't worry.

He's just going to feel you up.

Well, but what if

he tries to kiss me?

There are two kinds of kisses.

The dry kiss and the wet kiss.

This is dry kiss.

Ooh.

Now, this is the wet kiss.

Stick out your tongue like me.

Mmm.

Did anybody hear anything?

-No

-Uh-uh.

No?

Maybe one of the

animals got loose.

I'm going to go check.

Great, get us some donuts.

Apple spice.

Apple spice.

ANNIE (VOICEOVER):

Little did know

that a starving, out-of-work

actor had broken into my house.

That Annie, she

doesn't know anything.

Now, you see this .

Let me show you something.

Ah, don't make a sound.

Are you listening to me, huh?

Now, do as I say.

Or I'll slit your

throat and let the blood

drip all over your nice nighty.

Now, when I take my hand

off your mouth, ha, ha,

I don't want you to scream.

I don't want you

to make a sound.

Then what I want you

to do-- I want you

to get some milk and cookies.

Then I can take my hand

off and don't make a sound.

-Yah!

-Ow!

Oh!

OK, Butter or

Buster, who are you?

Johnny-- Johnny Robbins.

What are you doing here?

I just wanted something to eat.

I've been running all night.

You are scared.

Can I have something

to eat, please?

[purring sound].

(VOICEOVER) I had no choice but

to get him something to eat.

And I knew it had

to taste real good.

[music playing]

After I was nice enough

to meet his demands,

he dragged me into our stable.

First, he tried to seduce me.

Then he grabbed and kissed me.

He began tearing off my

clothes. [tearing sound]

He couldn't keep his rough

and calloused hands off me.

[tearing sounds]

Now that he had his cookies,

he decided he wanted the milk.

[music playing]

[sheep sound] Oh!

Ah!

You're in me.

Ah!

Oh, [sheep sounds] yes.

Oh.

Ah!

Ah!

Oh!

-Ah!

-Oh!

Ah!

Oh!

Ah!

[sheep sound]

-Oh!

Ah!

Oh, oh!

Ah!

Oh!

Oh!

Yes!

-Oh!

-Oh!

-Oh!

-Ah!

-Oh!

-Oh!

-Ah!

-Oh!

-Ah!

-Oh!

Ah!

Yes!

Oh!

[snoring sounds] Yes!

Ah!

[snoring sounds] Johnny?

Johnny, I'm not finished yet.

I want more.

More.

More.

More.

He was a madman.

He was crazy.

He made me do it.

I had no other choice.

You poor baby.

Aw, come on, Annie, you can't

expect us to believe that.

Oh, yeah?

He left this behind.

Oh, you poor thing.

Oh, my god, I didn't realize.

What a horrifying experience.

That's terrible.

Come here.

That's really terrible.

I'm really glad to see

that you've got over that.

I've never heard

anything quite that bad.

How did you get over it?

Hey, my knife.

Ooh!

That Mary Lou was

amazing Bozo, that bod.

Ooh, I want her so bad.

She's not interested

in nobody, man.

What am I going to do?

I have been thinking

about this all day.

I got a great idea.

OK, I read somewhere if you want

a girl to go crazy about you.

Yeah?

You do it in her food.

Yeah?

And she eats it.

Yeah?

She'll be all over you, man.

We're talking instant nature.

I'm telling you just make

sure you get it in her food.

-All right.

-Make sure she eats it, man.

She'll be all over it.

All right, Melvin?

-All right, man.

Can you handle it, Melvin?

I know I can handle it, man.

Hey, there's Mary Lou.

And she's wearing that bikini.

Oh, those nipples.

She's going to eat it

just like I told you.

Just like I told you.

Any minute she'll

be heading our way.

Yep, Mary Lou is

thinking about eating it.

What the?

I don't know.

Hey?

What's that fat slob doing.

She's eating it.

Butch is eating it.

[boing] Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Can't be.

Oh, no, 300 pounds.

I love you.

I want your body.

Do you have something to

tell us there, Howdy Doody?

Well, I guess so if

you're still interested.

Sure, we can going

to use a good nap.

Nap on this, Stub.

Well, my story begins

when I was much younger.

I had a very clear picture

of the girl of my dreams.

(VOICEOVER) Unfortunately,

she was only in the pages

of "Penthouse Magazine."

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

I guess my Danny must

be reading in bed again.

Ah!

(VOICEOVER) My big opportunity

came when my brother Ted and I

went on vacation

down to the Caribbean

where I got to see him in action

with all those gorgeous girls.

(SINGING) Last night

just wasn't long enough.

The cops had to break

us up on the beach.

Well, how about this one?

You can see sleepover.

[MUSIC PLAYING SHRAPNEL,

"SLEEPOVER"]

Eureka!

Ho, ho!

See you later

tonight, Iron Thighs.

I have to go do my nails.

I want to look good for

you all over my body.

You already do, baby.

Wow!

She practically tore

your bathing suit off.

You think she was hot.

You should see her friend.

By the way, fixed you

up with her tonight.

Wow!

A date for me?

Thanks, big brother.

Anything for you, pal.

Listen, tonight don't

embarrass me, OK?

So when you got this

chick in your room, right?

You start banging away at her.

Make sure she's really

screaming loud, all right?

Screaming?

Sure.

Why?

Do I hurt her?

No, it's for the effect.

Just think about it.

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