The First Turn-On Page #6

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You're in there banging away.

And she's screaming.

Your buddies are outside, OK?

You're screaming your name.

And you're going,

boy, that Danny.

He's hung like a horse.

Yeah.

Hey, you want another trick?

Always worked for me?

What?

Take a big was of

toilet paper, right?

Shove it down your pants.

Uh-huh.

That way she'll see you--

a nice, big bulge down there.

She's got something

to work with.

You know what I mean?

-Yeah.

You're going to have a

good time tonight, buddy.

Yeah.

[music playing]

Eureka!

Ho, ho, ho!

DANNY (VOICEOVER): Suddenly,

felt a strange heat on my back.

I turned around.

And there she was--

my dream girl.

She was even more

beautiful in person.

I thought I was dreaming.

But, no, it was true.

The girl from the

pages of "Penthouse"

was standing right

in front of me.

I was speechless.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

Before I could make

my move, she was gone.

[music playing]

DANNY (VOICEOVER): Just

when I thought I'd never

see her again, I turned around.

And there she was.

I didn't know if my eyes were

playing tricks on me or what.

So I had to tell my brother.

I said, Ted, Ted,

did you see that?

What?

It's the girl on the

cover of "Penthouse."

She smiled at me.

Huh?

He said--

Danny, I really think you've

been spending a little too

much time in the sun, pal.

DANNY (VOICEOVER): I figured

maybe I had been out in the sun

too long.

(GERMAN ACCENT)

Hey, boss, look!

The plane!

The plane!

[crash]

DANNY (VOICEOVER):

Ted and I planned

to stick together that night.

He said teamwork was

the name of the game.

Yeah, teamwork.

[music playing]

The last time-- did you

see her on the beach today?

Would you stop messing

around with this magazine?

Look, just turn the centerfold.

Maybe you'll recognize

her from there.

These pages are

all stuck together.

What have you been

doing with this?

Now, listen, why don't you just

forget about girls in magazines

and start to think about the

real poontang coming over here

tonight?

Huh?

Gladys.

Gladys, yeah.

Tonight, buddy, you're

going to be a man.

Yeah.

All right, now

these girls are hot.

So we've got to be on our toes.

OK, let's make sure we

have everything set up.

OK.

Got the liquor?

Check.

Reefer.

Check.

Rubbers.

Check.

Petroleum jelly?

Check.

Hey, Danny, tonight, it's just

you and me-- team inseparable.

Yeah.

Teddy, boy.

[purring]

Mona.

Hey, baby, you look

like a million bucks.

You're looking pretty good

tonight yourself, Iron Thighs.

Hey, who is this kid?

It's my little brother, Danny.

You remember him from the beach.

He's supposed to be

with Gladys tonight.

Where is she anyway?

Oh, I forgot to tell her.

I had important things to do.

I had to do my nails.

Hey, are we going to end

up babysitting tonight?

What is this?

No, he was just leaving.

Weren't you, Danny?

Scram.

Beat it.

Here's your hat and your whip.

And here is a dollar.

Why don't you go out

and maybe see a movie

and sleep on the

beach tonight, buddy.

Thanks a lot.

I'll see you in the morning.

OK, Teddy, baby, let's party.

All right!

[music playing]

Wuh?

Hello.

I've been waiting for you.

For me?

Your name is Danny isn't it?

How did you know?

Oh, just a lucky guess.

Have some champagne.

It's wonderful.

Here is too long nights

and deep emotions.

I'll drink to that.

They say if you

wish hard enough,

your dream can come true.

They do?

They say if a

dream can come true,

it'll change your life forever.

They do?

They say that falling

in love is wonderful.

They do?

Yeah.

Wow!

Mona, you're kind of

special to me, you know?

Ah, oh.

I've never met anybody

like you before.

Whoa!

I really think I'm

falling in love with you.

Ted!

Ted, we have the whole

night ahead of us.

I wouldn't want

you peak too soon.

How about another drink?

But you've already had seven.

Oh, come one, Danny,

you've been dreaming

about this for a long time.

But I don't understand.

I saw you on the beach today.

And then you disappeared.

And there's a fat

man in your chair.

And what are you

trying to do to me?

I'm going to do to you

exactly what you want me to.

[music playing]

Oh, Mona.

Oh, stop!

Wait!

I don't even know any

important thing about you.

I mean, for example,

what's your sign?

I'm Taurus-- the bull.

Oh!

[punch sound]

Oh!

I mean, like where

do you go to school.

What does your father do?

He's a plumber or something.

Who cares?

Well, it's just

that I like to get

to know my man a little

bit better before I take

them to that special place.

What's your name again?

Huh?

[music playing]

Danny, your bulge.

Ah!

Danny, you don't

have to impress me.

[crash]

DANNY (VOICEOVER):

Then it happened just

like my brother said it would.

I didn't know if I could live

up to my brother's standards.

[scream]

I'm going to porkyou, you b*tch.

DANNY (VOICEOVER): When I heard

Ted's girl, Mona, screaming,

I knew Ted had

things under control.

[punch sound]

Oh!

God!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, Teddy, I'm so sorry.

Let me rub it for you.

Maybe I can make it feel better.

No, no, get out of here.

Just leave me alone.

Well, thanks for

the lovely evening.

Oh!

[music playing]

DANNY (VOICEOVER): I knew

I had matters well in hand.

Ted would have been proud of me.

I was so excited.

I didn't even notice

that Mona walked in.

You'd think a lover like Ted

would be enough for any girl.

But Mona still wasn't satisfied.

OK, Danny boy, let's party.

Wow!

DANNY (VOICEOVER): So they

taught me how to have an orgy.

That's the most ridiculous

thing I've ever heard.

I don't care what

you think, douche bag.

It happened just that way.

We have been stuck

in here all day.

What if they can't find us?

What if they are not

even looking for us?

We've just got to

trust them, Annie.

They'll find us.

I think there's something

terribly wrong here.

Has he had an allergy attack?

Gee, Mr. Zitzler,

have you heard anything

about Danny and the others yet?

No, as a matter off

act, we have not.

Now, it's time for

your dip, Dippy.

Danny and the others.

Danny and the others?

Danny and the others--

it's a rock group coming

into to entertain our campers.

Rock?

Rock?

Oh, you're interested

in rocks, Mrs. Anderson.

Why didn't you just tell

me in the first place?

I've got a rock collection

you'd love to see.

Well, I guess it's time

for the moment of truth.

When is the first

time Miss Nature

Teacher got her pubes parted?

What is the matter with you?

You have a one-track mind.

Why don't you just grow up?

Oh, Miss Maturity, what makes

you better than everyone else?

We all told about the

first time we got laid.

What are you so afraid of?

All right, I'll tell you.

I am proud of my

relationship with Dwayne.

It was perfect.

He was everything

a girl could want.

What a hunk.

What a man.

Even as far back as

junior high school,

Dwayne and I innocently

explored the mysteries

of coming adulthood.

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