The Fluffy Movie: Unity Through Laughter Page #12

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Now keep in mind, you guys.

This is the only thing I've ever really

rehearsed. I can't rehearse this,

because I don't know if it's funny

or not until you laugh at it.

Seriously. I can stand in

front of the mirror all day.

Apparently that sh*t is funny.

Okay, cool.

I'll try it again tomorrow.

So I'm front of the mirror.

I'm very emotional, and my

whole chest is bright red,

because I'm doing the stupid,

emotional macho thing.

I'm standing there,

and I'm doing this...

"Who do you think you are?

"Who do you think you are?"

And my girlfriend grabs me.

She grabs me.

"Baby, calm down,"

and I snapped on her.

I said, "Listen, this is the only way

I know how to handle this, okay?

"Just give me a little bit of space.

"I promise you tomorrow

I'll be a better person.

"This is the only way I

know how to deal with this.

"Please understand." And she

was like, "I get it, No worries.

"I'm in the room if you need me."

And so she goes in the room,

and I keep freaking yelling

and emotional, screaming.

And later on, she told me that I

guess I was being really loud

with the screaming and the hitting,

and I woke up Frankie.

And she says that Frankie

came in the living room,

and he hears freaking yelling and

hits and pops, and so he got scared,

and he sees me standing there in front

of the mirror, and I'm hitting myself,

and he freaked out. He was like...

"I better take out the trash."

Now don't get me wrong.

It's hysterical now, but at that moment,

I didn't notice it,

and I didn't care.

My focus is, "What am I

gonna say to this man?"

So I'm freaking nailing myself,

and finally, okay, 6:45 rolls around.

My girl and I get in the car,

and we head over to the comedy club.

We get there about 15 minutes late,

and you know what?

I'm like, "That's cool.

I'm glad we're late.

"This way, I'll just

walk into the club,

"I'll look at him,

and I'll start talking."

We pull up to the front.

I get out of the car. I start

walking up towards the sidewalk.

My dad is also 15 minutes late,

and he's walking up the curb,

It caught me off-guard,

because I wasn't planning on

meeting him on the street.

I was gonna meet him inside.

So now I froze. I'm like...

He looks at me,

and he does this. He goes...

And for me, I'm like,

"You know what? No.

"You can't do this. You can't show up

after 30 years and expect to hug me."

In my head, I'm like, "Do I

hug him, or do I hit him?"

And if my girl wouldn't have been

there, I'd have laid his ass out.

You don't do that to a kid.

And seriously, you guys. You can't.

You can't just show up...

And so my girl's looking at me, and she

sees the situation from different eyes,

so she's like, "You know what?

Just..." And I'm like...

So I walk over to him,

and I put my arms around him,

and I'll be honest with you guys.

It was the emptiest hug

I have ever given anyone,

and I'm hugging him,

and he starts crying in my ear.

And when he starts crying in

my ear, I pushed him off.

And I go, "No,

don't even try that. No."

And he's like, "No, no, no.

No, no. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry."

And I go, "Turn around.

Go inside." And he's, "Okay, okay."

So he turns around, and he goes

inside, and I start shaking.

And my girl's like, "You okay?"

I go, "I'm freaking out right now."

She goes, "Baby, just breathe."

I'm like...

I'm trying to breathe and relax,

and he walks in.

Five minutes go by, and I go,

"All right. Here we go."

I walk inside.

I see him sitting down, and I

walk right up to him, and I go...

"Who do you think you are?"

And my girlfriend grabbed me.

"Baby, calm down."

"Hey, you saw me doing

the sh*t at the house."

And I started laying into my dad.

I started asking all the questions.

You know, "Why? Where were you?

What happened? Did you even try?

"What was going on in your

life that was so important?"

And what really bothered

me was the fact

that he had a solid answer for every

single question I hit him with,

because I compared 'em to notes

from my mom and my sisters.

And more than anything,

I just wanted to vent.

I wanted to yell. I wanted to cuss.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to get physical, and he

wasn't giving me that opportunity.

So I started making stuff up.

I was like, "You know what, Dad?

"My mom was mean to

me because of you."

He goes, "Well,

you know something, mijo,

"your mother had to do whatever

she had to do to raise you right.

"Look how good you turned out."

I was like, "Oh, he's good."

Apparently he has a mirror, too.

So I kept hitting him

with more questions,

and he kept coming back

with solid answers.

Eventually I got to the point

where I started asking the same

questions over and over again,

to see if maybe I'd get

a different answer,

and it started becoming redundant,

and I'm just going in circles.

Next thing I know,

my dad starts cracking jokes.

I'm like, "Seriously? 30 years,

and now you're cracking jokes?"

And it's not so much that he was

cracking jokes that bothered me.

It's the fact that they were funny.

I mean, really funny.

My girl's laughing.

Yeah, I could hear her. "Really?"

"What? What? I see where you get it."

I'm like, "Cabrona,

you're gonna get it."

"Yeah."

So the conversation is not

going anywhere. So I said,

"You know what? Let me

just change the subject.

"Let me just try to talk to

this guy as a regular person,

"not try to meet him as my dad."

So next thing I know, we got on

the subject of entertainment,

and that's something that

we both clicked with,

because my dad was a

mariachi for 20 years,

and of course I do what I do,

but the stories and the

lifestyle is very similar.

You know, we shared a lot of stories

about being at train stations,

bus stations, the airports,

being in the shuttle vans,

being in this city, that city,

this country, that country,

coming home to a family

that missed you,

or coming home to a family that

only wanted to see the check.

Next thing I know, we started

laughing. He high-fived me.

And then I told him, I says, "You know

what? I got to be honest with you."

I said, "I tried. I tried to

hate you. I really did."

I go, "But I understand.

I understand what happened.

"And I just want to let you know that

I'm very grateful that you're here,

"and I'm sorry that I was

the way that I was, um..."

Yeah.

I says, "I think I

really needed this."

And he goes, "I know I

needed this." I go, "Yeah."

I go, "Listen, I want to

ask you for a favor."

"Anything. Tu dime.

Whatever. Tu dime."

I go, "Look, I don't have

any pictures of you,

"of my mom, and myself together.

"It would mean a lot to me

if I could get a picture

"with the three of us together,

so that I could blow it up and frame it

"and put it on my wall.

Would you be willing

"to take a picture with

my mom and myself?"

"No problem. You name it.

Yo lo hago. No problem."

I go, "Okay, thank you.

I appreciate that."

I go, "I just gotta check

with my mom." And he goes...

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