The Fluffy Movie: Unity Through Laughter Page #4

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single day of your life."

At that moment,

Martin cuts into the conversation

like a referee at the

end of a bad fight,

and he hugs me, and he holds me,

and he goes, "Dude,"

and I go, "Dude,"

and then I looked at the guy.

"Hey, what can you cook?"

And Martin shook me.

"Gabriel." "What?"

And he drags me away, and I go,

"Martin, what are you doing, bro?

"You can't do that. That's rude."

He goes, "Dude, that guy was

trying to hook up with you."

"No, Martin. No.

"He was trying to feed me.

"Why are you always

food-blocking, bro?"

"I'm your friend,

I'm your friend, Gabriel."

"You're not my friend!

You're not my friend!

"When's the last time you

rubbed my shoulders, huh?

"When's the last time you said,

'Fluffy, I'll cook for you'?

"You don't cook for me!

You made me throw away muffins!"

We're arguing so hard, you guys,

now this guy thinks we're gay.

He's like, "Oh, my God.

I'm such a home-wrecker."

And then he ran.

The point to that story is,

I started losing weight

for health reasons.

Some of you are like,

"He went a little far for that."

Poquito.

What I think is funny is that now

people are questioning my shows.

They're like, "Well, what is

Gabriel going to talk about

"if he continues to lose weight?

"What's he going to talk about?"

I'm like, seriously,

between the amount

of crazy friends that I have

and the amount of alcohol

I drink on a regular basis

and the amount of crazy,

random places we visit,

I will always have

stories for you guys.

Random stories.

Stories no one else has.

Stories like Martin and I

just got back from India.

Yeah.

So let me tell you, I started

posting on Facebook and Twitter

that we were going to go

out there to do these shows,

and then people started

sending me messages,

questioning what I was going to do.

First of all, "Are they gonna

understand you in India?

"Will they understand English okay?

"Will they be able to follow

along with your stories?"

Once we got there, I come to find out

that more people speak

English in India

than in all of the US and

Canada put together.

Might as well throw Mexico

in there for extra credit.

Because there's that many people,

and, yes, they have the Internet.

They got the Internet.

They got Bollywood. They got Hollywood.

They understand American culture

so much more than we

understand theirs.

Second thing, people tried to

warn me about going over there.

"Gabriel, be careful.

India is a Third World country,

"Don't drink the water in India.

"It contains parasites that'll

make you really sick.

"Don't eat the food from the street

people, especially the street meat.

"It contains a parasite

that'll make you really sick.

"And most importantly,

there's a lot of crime over there.

"Don't stay out late.

When the sun goes down,

"you go down."

I'm like, "Is it that bad?"

"Parasites."

So I'm like, "Let me

get this straight.

"There's a lot of crime.

Don't stay out late.

"Don't eat any of the food

from the street vendors,

"and don't drink the water.

"Why does that sound familiar?

"That's Mexico!"

When Martin and I got over there,

we found out that Indian

people and Mexican people

have so much in common, you guys.

I'm telling you it's insane how

similar we are, especially the food.

The food is so similar.

For example, Mexicans love tortillas.

Indian people love naan bread,

which is a fluffier

form of a tortilla.

Mexicans love chicken.

Indians love chicken.

Mexicans love hot and spicy.

Indians invented hot and spicy.

Most popular drink

in Mexico is Fanta.

Most popular drink in India is Fanta.

Indian people worship cows.

Mexicans love barbecues.

Lot of similarities.

Most of the people

that I met over there

were very hardworking and humble,

and I got to tell you,

every time I talked to someone,

I was always greeted the same way.

They'd look at me,

they'd put their hands together,

they'd do a little bow,

and they say, "Namaste,"

which is an endearing hello.

It's really nice and sweet.

And then I noticed that Indian people,

when you're talking to them,

do this thing with their head,

where it will begin to move side

to side as they're speaking.

Now, at first, when you

notice it, you think,

"Oh, he slept wrong.

"He just got a kink in his neck.

Get a Tempur-Pedic!"

Now, when they start speaking,

their head starts moving,

and I noticed this.

The guy is checking us in to

the hotel, and he's really cool.

He's like, "Listen, if you have

any problems at all, okay,

"you call the front desk,

you press zero.

"We will send somebody to

your room to help you.

"Whatever you need, we got it for you

"right here, okay? It's very good."

Now, one thing I notice

is the more they talk

and the more excited

Indian people get,

the more the head

starts to move around.

Somebody at the hotel

yelled out to the clerk,

"That's Fluffy."

And the guy was like,

"Oh, my God! I don't believe it.

"I knew it. I thought it was you.

I thought it was you.

"Oh, my God! I cannot believe it.

This is so crazy.

"Oh, my God, Fluffy. Fluffy! Fluffy!"

Even crazier than that is that the

mouth is actually connected to the neck.

When the mouth stops moving,

the head stops wherever

the mouth left off.

And when you see Indian people

talking to each other, you can see it.

"Okay, let me tell you something.

Okay. Correct.

"Oh, okay. Hold up. Wait. Wait. Wait.

Wait. Wait. Hold on. Wait. Okay."

Like, if you're Indian, and you

stutter, you are so screwed.

"I... I... I..."

"Somebody stop him!"

I'm not going to lie, you guys.

When I first saw this happen,

I thought it was hysterical.

I thought it was funny.

But then I started thinking about it.

Head movement is just

a form of expression.

No matter where you

live in this world,

people express themselves

in their own unique way,

whether through facial expressions,

hand gestures,

body movement, extra words.

Everywhere you go,

things are different,

and that's just how they

express themselves in India.

Now back to the whole

Indians-Mexican thing.

That is something else that we

share in common with Indian people.

Head movement.

Now, some of you in the

building tonight are like,

"Stupid. We don't

have head movement."

Yes, we do. It's a little different.

See, with Indian people,

the head movement is side to side.

Mexicans, our head

movement is front to back.

The difference between that is that with

Mexicans, we have to be very, very upset

in order for you to see

the head movement.

Otherwise, you can't tell.

With Indians, it's all the time.

"Oh, today is such a nice day.

"It is such a beautiful day today.

"I am so happy.

It's very nice, very good.

"Oh, my God. I can't believe it's

so nice. It's such a pretty..."

Mexicans, when we're mad,

that's when it comes out.

For non-Latinos, hey, trust me.

You cut off a Mexican in traffic,

see what happens.

That's funny. I don't know why

the black people are laughing.

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