The Fluffy Movie: Unity Through Laughter Page #6

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you have to do,' okay?

"Whatever you have to do, you do.'

"Do you want to yell,

or do you want to make plane?"

He made a good point.

I sounded like a third-grader.

"I want to make plane."

Like, seriously, that's a

video game I want to see.

I want to see Grand Theft Auto India.

It was so crazy, you guys.

And this is just us being there.

I haven't even gotten to

the part of us performing.

We were in Mumbai,

Bangalore and Delhi, okay?

These three places is

where we went to perform.

Mumbai and Bangalore, the shows

went over very, very well.

Okay, there were about 1,500 to

2,000 people, which is amazing.

Going over there,

I was, like, excited, "Yes!"

And then we get to Delhi.

And when we got to Delhi,

you guys, it got a little crazy.

Martin walks out on stage,

and the crowd recognized him

and they started chanting, "Martin!"

Any time I hear that, I'm like,

"They know him,

it's gonna be a good show."

So, Martin starts cracking jokes.

The crowd starts laughing.

He's cracking more jokes,

the crowd keeps laughing.

All of a sudden, I hear this...

Martin doesn't say a word to them.

He gets off stage,

next comedian comes out,

and then Martin comes

over to me and he says,

"Bro, I don't know

what's going on, man.

"I don't know what's

going on out there.

"There's these three

guys in the front row,

"they're laughing like

Klingons from Star Trek.

"I'm not gonna address them.

I'm gonna save them for you."

I was like, "Oh, thank you."

So then, Martin goes back out there

onstage and he introduces me,

"Ladies and gentlemen,

Gabriel Iglesias!"

And then I run out onstage and

the crowd started chanting,

"Fluffy! Fluffy!"

And I was like, "Whoo!

What's up, Delhi!"

And I start cracking jokes,

start getting laughs.

Start cracking more jokes,

start getting more laughs.

And then it happened.

Now, see, me, I can't avoid things,

especially when it's

front row center.

So, I addressed it. I came right

out and I said, "Well, hello!"

I said, "What do we have here?"

I said, "So, where are you guys from?"

And the guy in the middle

looks at me and he goes,

"We are from Germany!"

I said, "Cool! We have

Germans in the house!"

And the whole crowd got

really weird. You could hear them.

They freaked out because they thought

I was gonna start making

fun of the German people.

And one guy even stood up.

"Don't do it!

Don't do it! Don't do it!"

I go, "Relax, bro!

Have a seat." "Don't do it!"

I'm not gonna make fun

of the German people.

That's the last thing I

wanna do, is offend them.

I don't wanna end up outside in an

alley somewhere freakin' in two hours.

"Und this is the last time

we are going to tell you!

"Do not make fun of German people!"

As I'm doing this joke about a German

kicking me on the floor

with the accent,

here's where it gets crazy.

I get hit in the side

of the head by a bat.

Listen to what I just

told you, Bay Area.

I get hit in the side

of the head by a bat.

Not Major League Baseball,

I'm talking about,

"I wanna suck your blood."

In India, there are millions and

millions and millions of fruit bats.

And one of them, actually six of them,

made it inside of the building,

and they're flying around and

they're hanging out in the rafters

and one of them decides to fly down,

and basically, when I

was doing the kicks,

I stepped into the line of flight of

the bat and he caught me right here.

I'm like, "What the hell?"

And I look up

and you see it and you can hear it.

The Indian people saw that

and they freaked out.

They were yelling,

"They did it! They did it!

"We told you, don't do it!

They told you, don't do it!

"They are evil!

They are evil!" I'm like,

"Dude, I don't care how evil

you think the Germans are,

"they don't have control over bats!"

It wasn't like the guy

got offended and said,

"Oh, really? Und release the bat!"

So now, the crowd is weird.

These guys are laughing...

And there's freakin' bats

flying around the theater.

First two minutes of my show.

I gotta do an hour.

And now, I've already lost the crowd.

They're freaking out.

These guys are laughing weird.

I'm nervous. It's my first time there.

I don't know how to get out of this.

So I literally walked over to

the other side of the stage

and I started just performing

for this side of the room.

Trying to redirect the

focus right here.

And I'm so nervous, I'm stuttering.

I don't even have a segue. I'm like,

"You know what's crazy? In America...

"Everybody in America likes drinking,

you know, it's real crazy.

"Like, for example, Mexicans.

Most Mexicans like drinking tequila. Um...

"Most black people like Hennessy.

Most white people like Jger.

"Here in India, you guys like Fanta."

And when I said Fanta,

the crowd went crazy,

because it was such a

local reference, they freaked out.

They were, like, screaming,

"Oh, my God! He knows! He knows!"

They started singing.

"Fanta, Fanta! Don't you

want a Fanta, Fanta!

"Don't you want a Fanta, Fanta!"

The roar was so big, it allowed

me to restart my show.

So I started cracking new jokes and more

jokes and these jokes and those jokes.

Five minutes go by.

Five minutes go by.

All of a sudden,

the Germans got offended

at the fact that I left them

out of my drinking joke.

The one in the middle stands up

and he approaches the stage.

Now, this stage has

gotta be about 5 feet tall.

The guy's head was about

this high. He was like 6'4".

He looks at me and he starts

pointing, and he's yelling,

"Hey, fat man! Fat man!

"What about us, huh?

What about the Germans?

"What do we drink?" I was like, "Dude,

that was like five minutes ago!"

"We were giving you a chance!

What do we drink?"

I'm like, "First of all, sir, I apologize.

I'm really nervous right now.

"Um, I had no idea there was

gonna be Germans here tonight."

I felt like Poland.

I don't care if you laugh or not,

that's a smart-ass joke.

That's a smart-ass joke.

It's not my fault some of

you pendejos failed history.

You'd better Google that and

find out why it's so damn funny.

All the older white people are,

"God damn it, yeah."

So anyway, so I'm standing and I go,

"Listen, sir, you need to have a seat,

okay? The people are getting nervous.

"You need to have a seat so I can finish

the show." And the guy, he refuses.

"I will not sit down, fat man,

until you tell us what we drink."

I go, "Listen, I don't

know what you guys drink."

And the Indians are being so cute.

They're trying to help me.

They're yelling,

"Hey! They like Fanta, too!"

And the guy was like, "We do not

like Fanta!" I'm like, "Dude!"

I go, "Sir, please have a..."

"I will not have a seat until you tell us

"what we drink! Tell us, fat man!"

I go, "Listen, sir, you need to sit down

and you need to stop

calling me 'fat man.'".

Now it's starting to bother me.

It's like the sixth time he does it,

and I didn't just lose 100 pounds

to now get called "fat man."

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