The Fluffy Movie: Unity Through Laughter Page #7
So I go, "Sir, if you
don't have a seat,
"we're gonna have a problem,
especially if you call me 'fat man' again.
And he freakin' did it.
"What are you gonna do, fat man?
What do we drink?"
Even Martin, who's
behind the curtain, knew.
He knows when I'm at that point
where I've crossed over.
I can hear him in the back.
"Don't do it!"
Too late, Fluffy's pissed.
So, I said, "You wanna
know what you drink?"
"Tell me!" Don't ask me
where this came from.
I got right in his face and
I said, "Blood of Jews!"
Now, see, automatically you guys
gave me a whole different reaction.
In Delhi that was probably the most
shocking thing ever
said on that stage.
So shocking that 2,000 people
at the exact same time
got so quiet, you guys, so quiet,
you could hear everyone's ass just...
And I'm still standing there,
and my hand's out.
Have you ever said
something that was so bad,
And I mean you knew it was bad as
it was coming out of your mouth?
And you're trying to
stop it but it's too late,
it's already out,
and you're like, "No!"
And it's too late. "Blood of Jews"
is all over his face, right?
I'm standing there and my hand's out,
I'm looking at him, he's looking at me,
and I'm like...
He says, "That's a good one!
Ja, that's a good one!"
"Oh, my God, thank you! Thank you!"
It doesn't end there.
I'm telling you guys,
this is so crazy.
So, next morning,
Martin and I are flying
back home to Los Angeles from Delhi.
We're taking an airline
called British Airways.
We go from Delhi to London, England,
and we have a connecting
flight over there.
Once we get to England, they canceled
our connect for whatever reason.
And so we got rebooked on
another airline called Lufthansa.
It's a German airline.
Now, this is why I believe in karma.
Seriously, Martin's like, "Really,
'blood of Jews'?" I'm like, "I know!"
I felt like they phoned ahead.
"Und take care of Fluffy."
So I put down my credit card,
I made sure that Martin and I got
upgraded to at least their business class,
'cause it's like a long flight,
and so we're in there, we're on
the plane and the plane takes off.
About 20 minutes into the flight,
we're just sitting there, we're laughing,
and the flight attendant, she starts coming
down the aisle with the little cart.
And she's coming down the aisle
and she sees me, and she goes,
"Hello, sir. Do you have a
preferred drink of choice today?"
Martin looks at me, taps me
in the chest, and he goes,
"Hey! Tell her!
"Tell her, bro! "Come on, ask for it.
If anybody has it..."
"Dude, shut up!"
And then she looks at Martin.
"Sir, do you have a
preferred drink of choice?"
And Martin's like, "Yeah,
do you guys got blood of..."
She's like, "Bloody Mary?"
"Yes. Yes, Bloody Mary."
Freakin' "Machete's" gonna
get me banned from flying.
So we make it back home.
I'm trying to tell the story
to my girlfriend and my son,
and my girl, she's barely laughing.
She's like...
Like, she's jaded. She doesn't
laugh at my jokes anymore.
My son Frankie, on the
other hand, he is dying.
And I'm like, "Really?"
He's 16 years old.
I go, "Really, Frankie,
you thought that was funny?"
He goes, "Yeah. That's funny!" I go,
"What was so funny about my story?"
He goes, "Those people
you're talking about."
I go, "Who, the Indians?"
He goes, "No, the other ones."
I go, "The Germans?"
He goes, "Yeah, it's funny."
I go, "What's so funny
about the Germans?"
"The way that they speak."
I go, "What's so funny about
the way that they speak?"
He goes, "They sound like the Three
Little Pigs from the movie Shrek!"
I had to go on YouTube
and freakin' find it,
and sure enough, all Three Little Pigs,
"Und ja! Hello, Shrek!"
I was just waiting for one
of them to go, "Fat man!"
By the way, since my last special,
I gotta tell you something
about my son Frankie.
He now, now, wears deodorant.
Now for the rest of you
that are watching right now,
wondering, "What is
he talking about?"
And the people watching
the movie, going,
"I don't get this," let me explain.
In my last special, I made
reference to my son Frankie
and how he refuses to
regularly put deodorant on.
And so I told him,
"If you don't start doing it,
"I'm going put your business on TV,
"and your friends are going
to see me talking about you,
"and they're going to
check you for me."
Sure enough, my last special airs.
The next day, Frankie goes to school,
and those kids were merciless.
He came home.
He takes off his backpack.
He unzips it, and he dumps out,
like, 17 deodorants.
"See what you did!"
I was like, "Wow, look at all
the money we just saved."
His mom was impressed.
She was like, "Talk about
how he needs towels."
Hell, yeah. He's going to get towels.
And it's funny, because,
you know, for me to relate to my son,
it's a little challenging, you guys.
It's not that I can't relate
to a teenager, because I can.
I can relate to almost any age.
You know, I got people that
brought kids here tonight.
The problem is, is that my son
doesn't see me as an entertainer.
He sees me as the guy that
tells him to take a shower,
put on deodorant, you know,
"Stop picking your nose," That's me.
His friends, on the other hand,
I'm like a god to his friends.
Every time I drop off Frankie at
school now, I pull up, you know.
The kids see my car.
They freak out,
and they run over to it,
and they put their hands
on it like it's a shrine.
They touch the car like freaking,
"Selena estaqu," you know?
Some of you got that. Gracias.
Anyway...
Then the kids start shaking
my car side to side, chanting,
"Fluffy. Fluffy. Fluffy."
And Frankie's in the front
seat pissed. He's pissed.
He's like, "This is bullshit."
I'm like, "Hey, dude,
don't get mad at me,
"cause I'm more popular than you
at your school." Little hater.
He gets out of the car all mad.
They're still chanting.
"Fluffy, Fluffy."
The thing is, is that our
worlds are very different.
His world revolves around
Grand Theft Auto, the video game,
YouTube and girls.
He's really good at two of those.
The other one, not so much.
And it's not that I'm trying
to be a hater about it.
It's just that I tell Frankie,
"Listen, you need to start
having more conversations.
"You need to become more
talkative and interact like this."
See, he'd rather text than talk.
That's his whole thing. I'm like,
"Dude, you got to learn,
you know, start...
"Talk to me! I wish you
would talk to me more.
"You could learn a lot about
talking by talking to me.
"I'm just saying, I only
do it professionally."
But, no, he'd rather text.
It's at the point now where
if I'm in the house and I yell,
"Frankie, did you
take out the trash?"
Nothing. All of a sudden...
I take out my phone.
"No."
But if I say, "I got money for you,"
freaking Houdini, right? "Oh, hello."
'Cause you can't text cash.
That's my big thing right now.
I just want him to take out the trash.
He's 16 years old now.
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"The Fluffy Movie: Unity Through Laughter" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_fluffy_movie:_unity_through_laughter_20235>.
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