The Fundamentals of Caring Page #4

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The good news is I talked

to the Make-A-Wish folks,

and Katy Perry is all lined up.

The bad news is

she's refusing to sing "Fireworks."

Apparently, she's done that

with the last four Make-A-Wish kids.

- She feels it's played out.

- I wanna go and see my father.

What?

He owns a car dealership

in Salt Lake City.

- Your father's in America?

- He's an American.

They met in the UK. Made me here,

then we moved back when he ditched us.

I've been thinking about what you said

and I should hear him out.

Oh, I don't... Oh, I don't...

Look, I mean...

I just... Here's the thing.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

- I have to talk to your mom.

- No, definitely not.

She isn't gonna let me go.

She barely let me go on this.

Well, you should call him first.

No. No, no, no.

If we're gonna do it, we just do it.

I wanna see the look on his face.

This was your idea.

Don't start pussying out now.

Okay.

What are you gonna say to him?

Isn't it more about

what he's gonna say to me?

Dude, look at this.

I just texted this to your mom.

Oh.

- What do you suppose her deal is?

- Obviously, she wants me bad.

What if she's a runaway

and her parents are looking for her?

Should we give her a ride?

What?

She's hitchhiking.

Maybe we should give her a ride.

- Want to?

- Why, you think we should?

- You're probably right. We shouldn't.

- Well, I didn't said we shouldn't, did I?

I said that, you know, it's just like,

whatever. If you want to, then...

Then I guess we can. If you're feeling

fatherly and protective and sh*t.

Nah, forget it.

I'm worried about her parents.

Yeah? Worried about her parents, are you?

Deeply, actually.

'Cause she's out there alone.

And in today's world,

there's no telling what could happen.

There's all sorts of sickos out there.

And quite possibly in here.

Let's do it.

- Seriously?

- Yeah. Let's give her a ride.

Okay. Yeah, why not, right?

- Yeah, okay, yeah. Let's do it.

- Yeah. Go ask her.

- What? Me?

- Yeah. You.

No, I'm not asking. I can't ask her.

- I'm not asking her.

- Why?

Because I can't, okay?

Don't be a dick. You ask her.

Man, if I go ask her, you're gonna be

watching it through this window

like you were watching TV.

You know, when I get home, I'm gonna

put you on the roadside attractions map.

World's biggest dick.

Hey, hey, hey. Let me just give you

a little bit of advice, okay?

- What?

- Go with that mall rap again.

I don't know if you remember it.

It's just one word. Just "mall."

- I'm giving you the finger.

- Well, not really.

I got it.

- Hi there.

- Who the f*** are you?

- Ben. My name's Ben.

- Oh, sh*t. Are you a pervert?

- What?

- Look, I'm 21. Full-on adult.

So, if you're into picking up kids

on the highway,

- please just leave me the f*** alone.

- I'm not a pervert.

That's exactly what a pervert would say.

Right. I just wanna help you out.

Are you hungry?

Do you want something to eat?

I'm harmless.

Fine. I could use some coffee.

If you're a pervert,

I swear, I'll kick your f***ing ass.

Here.

- You're the kid with the cool sneakers.

- Yeah.

So, what's wrong with you?

I have, uh... Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy.

Sh*t. That sounds bad.

- Can they fix it?

- No. Not yet.

- That f***ing blows.

- Yeah.

- Does it hurt?

- No. I mean, kind of.

- Does it affect your brains?

- No.

- Does your penis work?

- You want a menu?

Can we have a menu? What would you like?

You want a sandwich?

You want some eggs maybe?

- The waffles are really good. Right, Trev?

- Yeah.

Yeah, the waffles are good

or, yeah, your penis works?

The waffles suck.

- I'm Dot.

- Trevor.

You two perverts got room for one more?

- So, what's in Denver?

- Starting my life, Mervin.

Maybe go to art school.

My mom always said

Denver was a good place

because the high altitude makes

the air less complicated.

Ah.

- Does your mom know you're hitchhiking?

- No.

Think you should tell her?

She's dead,

so that might be a little difficult.

- Unless you have psychic powers.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry, too. We're both sorry.

- Oh, it's okay.

Kathy was so f***ing rad.

She would do sh*t for people,

like, without them even asking,

she would just do it.

And then, like, three years ago,

she gets this random blood disease

out of nowhere.

Just bullshit on a stick if you ask me.

Yeah, it's total bullshit. And on a stick.

Like the world's least delicious lollipop.

What about your dad?

Does he know where you are?

No. I left him a note, though.

- What's that? What's wrong?

- Nothing. It's a... It's a dash light.

Where... Where are we?

When's the nearest exit?

No, it's fine, Trevor. I had

the engine serviced. It's okay, Trevor.

Maybe we should just pull over

and see what's... Check just to...

- Just so you can check it over.

- Trevor, it's fine.

Those lights don't mean sh*t.

Just keep going. Trevor, tell him.

Keep going.

You know what?

Trevor, I know you wanna keep going,

but maybe we should just pull off,

find a place to stay tonight

and then I'll get it checked out

in the morning.

Look, I told his mom I'd keep him safe.

I'm sorry. That's what we're gonna do.

What a f***ing p*ssy.

Why are old people such pussies?

Is it gradual, or one day you just wake up

and you look in the mirror and you say:

"Today I am a giant f***ing p*ssy"?

Yeah, Ben. Why you are such

a giant f***ing p*ssy?

You wanna...?

Should we keep going? We can...

I mean, I'm certainly okay to go,

and it's a bit...

- It's kind of playing with fire...

- No, no.

- You said you wanted stop, so we can stop.

- Yeah, no, let's pull over.

Such a giant p*ssy.

So, what's the deal

with the deep pit or whatever?

Oh.

In the '70s some scientist dudes

made a little tiny hole six miles

deep straight down,

trying to get to the center of the Earth.

Named it The World's Deepest Pit.

I think I just like the name.

So, your dream is to see a big hole

in the ground?

I've always been an overachiever.

I'm also gonna see my father.

Is your dad a f***-up, too?

I wouldn't know. He left when I was three,

when I was diagnosed.

That's really bullshit on a stick.

- Why are you seeing him?

- His idea.

Thinks I should forgive him.

I wouldn't forgive him.

- We're being followed.

- What do you mean, we're being followed?

There's a car in the parking lot.

I noticed it around Ritzville.

I told Janet we were going to Salt Lake.

She must have sent someone

with a court order.

- Who's Janet?

- His wife.

Your wife issued a court order

against you? That's great.

She's trying to divorce him as well,

but he won't sign the divorce papers

- because he's a...

- Dude.

Yeah. I can't say.

Solemn bond between us.

- I'll tell you later.

- Okay.

If there's a knock on this door,

no one answers.

If there's a knock

on that door...

I'm going to smoke.

Don't worry, Mervin.

I'll hide in the bushes.

Hi, Mervin.

Shut up, or tomorrow

I'll put your clothes on inside out.

Morning.

I, uh... took the car to a gas station

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