The Gay Divorcee Page #3

Just shows a weakness on the part

of men that women take advantage of.

Egbert, are you proposing to me again?

No, no, no.

Mrs. Glossop, I presume, has a problem.

Yes, I have.

There are so many things in connection

with it that I hardly know where to begin.

- Oh, well...

- Sit down, Egbert.

I'll tell him all about it.

You see, she's been married two years

and she's scarcely ever seen her husband.

In fact, she never hears from him

unless he wants some of her money.

I met him at school.

He was one of my instructors.

Yes, he's a geometrist.

Oh, a geometrist.

- No, darling, a geologist.

- Oh, a geologist.

Well, all right, a geologist.

What difference does it make?

It's all the same.

- You know, rocks and things.

- He threw them?

No, he digs them, he digs them.

Well, have you asked your husband

for a divorce?

Repeatedly, but he refuses to even

discuss it with me.

Well, you understand that

obtaining a divorce in England...

...is a very difficult thing,

unless the husband agrees to grant it.

Oh, Egbert, I didn't know you like dolls.

He always had the mother instinct.

Ladies, as your legal adviser,

I would suggest that we resort to a...

- Thingamajig.

- Flagrante delicto.

- Why? Yes, yes, of course.

- Yes, yes.

You know, I had one

at my second divorce.

Yes. Of course, Mrs. Glossop...

...the details are very simple.

- A seaside hotel and...

- Mr. Fitzgerald, I'll do anything you say.

And leave the further details

to the two of you.

I think really it would be

much better for me if you remained.

No, no, run along, dear.

I'll fix everything.

Thank you, Mr. Fitzgerald,

and I feel very comfortable in your hands.

Really? Well, Mrs. Glossop,

I'll work my brain to the bone for you.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

Now, let's get right down to business.

Oh, Egbert.

I mean the hotel.

I know a very nice one

just opening at Brightbourne.

It's the hotel Bella Vista.

Oh, Bella Vista,

and so easy to remember.

I had a cook named Bella once,

or was it a masseur?

Well, anyway, I'll have my niece

drive down...

...and she'll meet you there tomorrow

at the Hotel Maryland.

No, no, no, that wasn't it, was it?

But it had something to do with

a girl's name.

Perhaps you'd better take this with you.

The Bella Vista. Of course.

That's what I said in the first place, isn't it?

Oh, goodbye, Egbert.

You know, divorces make me

so sentimental.

Don't you wish it was ours?

Yes, miss.

I understand, miss.

- Who was it? A man or woman?

- A lady, sir.

- Did she give you a message?

- Yes, sir.

Well, what is it, what is it? Tell me.

It's no use getting excited, sir.

It was the wrong number.

Well, get everything ready. Hurry, hurry.

I'm leaving for the seashore immediately.

What, did another woman

propose to you?

Yes, sort of... No, no, no, no.

I've got a case.

- Case of what?

- Oh, dear. A divorce case.

With father out of town,

this is my opportunity.

- I'm going to handle it all myself.

- That will be good.

Yes. Hurry, man. Pack my things.

And Mr. Guy's also, sir?

What's he got to do with it?

Of course, a splendid idea.

You've got to come along.

Change will do you good.

You look a little liverish.

It isn't liver, sir. It's love, sir.

I can't leave London.

I'm waiting for a telephone call.

Guy, you're not pining for that girl?

Pining? Men don't pine. Girls pine.

Men just...

...suffer.

Guy, she hasn't called you in

over a fortnight.

It's perfectly obvious

that she's not interested.

You pulled her gown.

She pulled your leg.

- Maybe you're right.

- Of course.

I never waited two minutes

for a girl in my life...

...and here I've waited two weeks

for this one.

- Where are we going?

- Brightbourne, a marvelous hotel.

To the Hotel Mabel...

The Margaret... The Nellie...

Confound that woman.

Why did she come back into my life?

It doesn't make any difference.

The change will do you good.

Sea air, sunshine, gaiety, girls.

You're my type

Of a shy type of a beau, dear

Beg pardon?

So let's do things

Well, really.

I'll teach you a few things

Are you talking to me?

Now, who said just what you said

For I know, dear

No, no, I've been reading. Look here.

I'm not bashful

I'm mashful and pashful

I'm beginning to sense that.

When you're near I feel

So let's play house-y

Oh, you make me feel

So Mickey Mouse-y

For a well-known lawyer,

at a place like this...

You're sweet and so agreeable

And I feel so gosh-oh-geeable

Do warm me or I'll freeze

And let's k-nock k-nees

You are so bill and coo-able

And I'm so l-love-you-able

Come cuddle closer, please

And let's k-nock k-nees

Is this sort of a game?

They say make hay while the sun shines

It's an agricultural term.

So let's, oh, let's make hey-hey-hey

While the moon shines

My heart's so tick-tock-tick-able

Your lips are so lipstick-able

You know your ABCs

So let's k-nock k-nees

Oh, Guy...

Never mind.

It's so incomprehensible

It doesn't seem quite sensible

And yet I like it

Please, let's knock knees

It's almost hoi polloi-able

And yet it's quite enjoyable

Oh, I'm full of rhapsody

Too many people here.

Tripping, skipping, lightly bounding

- Stop it, knock it

- Really, this is most astounding

It makes one feel so thrill-able

Well, we've exhausted every syllable

I crave frivolity

I've got one. Let's k-nock...

Let's knock knees

Let's knock knees

Hello, hello.

Thank you, thank you.

Well, I've been looking all over for you.

- Just dancing.

- Oh, is that what it was?

This is a marvelous place, isn't it, Guy?

Remind me to come down here the next

time I want my constitution undermined.

I think it's wonderful.

Oh, what is the matter with you?

Are you still moping over that same girl?

Why, the world is just full of girls.

I know, I know, but not like her.

She's music.

She's the buzzing of the bees in clover.

She's the rustle of the leaves

in the trees.

She's water lapping on the shore.

Yes. She sounds like

a series of strange noises to me.

Well, cheer up, Guy, cheer up.

You may chance across her

again some time.

I know I will.

And when I do,

it won't be chance.

Chance is the fool's name for fate.

What was that last?

"Chance is the fool's name for fate"?

Guy, that's marvelous.

Where did you get it?

Where did I get it?

It's just a line from my last show,

that's all.

It's wonderful.

Make a good title for a song.

Chance is the fool's name for fate, my lad

Chance...

Do you mind if I use it? Come in handy,

you know, to shoot into a conversation.

Go ahead, spring it on your father.

It may encourage him about you.

"Chance is the fool's name for fate."

I'll have to remember that.

I love the place.

Oh, if Father could only see...

...with what clat I am upholding

the professional dignity of the firm.

Guy, I'm going to stay here

and wait for my client.

Without me, Egbert.

I'm going to my room.

- I'll see you later.

- Well, I'll be here.

Pardon, you rang, sir?

Who, me? Why, my dear fellow,

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