The Giant Mechanical Man Page #4

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allowing me to be your tour guide today through the

"conversation-nation."

So hey, are you guys ready to go on your tour or what?

Great!

Thank you. I guess in order to have a meaningful conversation,

you gotta have what?

What do you need?

A desire to speak.

But in order to have a desire to speak,

you gotta have something to say.

Where do we find these things, huh?

Where are these things to say?

Are they in your giant oversize purse, ma'am?

I don't think they are.

I'll look.

Um, how about this handsome gentleman, here?

What is your name, sir?

- Toby.

- Ok, Toby. Would you be willing to be my volunteer

in a little experiment, I'm gonna do today?

- Sure.

- Well you say that now, Toby, but just wait... moooohaaa...

Just kidding. Common up here with me, Toby.

Now Toby, have you ever been on a date?

- Um, Once or twice.

- Okay, and what'd you guys talk about?

- Um, just stuff. You know, stuff like that.

"Just stuff. you know, and stuff like that."

Wow... sounds fascinating.

But seriously, Toby. That's why you are here today.

To learn the art of eloquence.

Now, I want you all to pretend

that I'm a beautiful woman.

And me and Toby here are on a date.

What do you want to talk about Toby?

- Um...

- Come on Toby!

- I don't know.

Okay, Toby, why don't you have a seat. Rule number one, people.

Stack the deck in your favor.

If you don't know what to talk about,

talk about yourself.

"KEEP TALKING. D.D." (Doug signs book)

- How's everything going?

- Good.

- Good to hear.

- Hellooo...

- Hey Doug.

- Hey.

- Sorry, these things can just get so nuts.

- You, You were great up there.

- Yeah, you were really good, Doug.

- Jill, thank you, I really appreciate that compliment.

- Hey Janice.

- Hi Doug.

- Have you, ahh, had a chance to read my book?

- Yeah, it's good.

I mean I've only read just a little bit of it,

but it's good.

- Oh, well, the dinner offer still stands.

- Oh. Okay.

- How about tomorrow night?

- Tomorrow night? Um...

- Um...

- Yes, yes, yeah she would love to.

- Oh, fantastic. Wow! Okay.

You guys can have some "Winning conversations"?

- Well, duty calls.

- Oh, Okay. Thank you for the tickets.

You were great.

What we got here? Oh... Toby!

I was really impressed with your growth today.

- Aaaaah (singing). Doug is perfect for you.

- Perfect.

I mean, look, your life was been on pause for so many years.

I just feel like it's time for you to push the play button, you know?

- What is that saying?

- Which one?

- You know about the two kinds of people.

There are two different kinds of people in the world.

There, there are those who, ahhh...

- Something. Something...

- They carry...

- Never mind.

It's basically, there are two kinds of people in this world.

And you don't want to end up with the wrong kind.

- We're just try to help you, Janice.

- We're on your team, Janice.

- Your team, Janice.

Team that pays their bills.

Hey, Janice! Hey!

- You left your book in the break room.

- Oh, thanks.

Didn't get a chance to read it, but I did see the author's

picture and he, uh...

- Kinda look like a cheese ball, right?

Yeah.

Look, I'm sorry for gettin' all "Charles Darwin"

in the arctic castle.

That nonsense about the swamp and...

Oh, it wasn't nonsense.

- It kinda was, though.

- I don't know, it made sense.

- Did it?

- I mean to me it did, cause I have no idea what I'm doing.

I mean, I have no clue.

- No clue what I'm doing.

- Neither do I.

But I'm talking about my life, and yeah I

don't wanna sell grape juice gorillas.

- Or go out with this cheese head, but I don't know ..

- So, then why are you?

- Why am I what?

- Why are selling grape juice gorillas?

Because, what else am I gonna do?

I need a job.

I get it.

And... I'm...

I'm actually living with my sister right now.

And she kinda won't leave me alone.

- Ohhh. "What's your job, Janice?"

"What are your interests?"

- Exactly.

"What are you doing with your life?"

"What's the point of you?"

"Why should anybody care about you?"

- Yes, yes, you sound just like my sister.

- Just like my girlfriend, actually.

- Right.

- Yeah.

- That's funny.

- Yeah.

- So, anyway...

- People are... weird.

Yeah they are.

- Um. Well uh, I'll see you tomorrow.

- Okay, cool.

- Okay.

I meant, ex-girlfriend, by the way.

- What?

- When I said that, I meant to say ex-girlfriend.

- Oh, yeah, I didn't even...

- No-no, that's cool...

- I was just...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah...

- Hey, There she is.

- That.

- Thank you.

Well I've written books about, you know,

lots of different subjects.

You name a topic, I've written about it.

Jus' go ahead, pick a topic.

- What do you mean?

- Jus go ahead. Pick a topic. Any topic.

- Ummm.

- Diet, conversation, health, dreams,

- travel... pick a topic .. Health, dreams, travel...

- Dreams.

- Okay, dreams. What'd'ya wanna know about dreams?

I don't,... I was just picking a topic.

Dreams are the subconscious mind,

telling the conscious mind what it needs.

Tell me about the latest dream you had.

Oh, don't worry, I'm not going to judge you, or anything.

Just ah, tell me about the latest dream that you had.

Okay. Well, um, I was at this job interview and my teeth start falling out.

- They what?

- In the dream, my teeth are falling out.

- Holy sh*t, that's crazy.

I mean, you must be a crazy person.. just kidding.

But seriously, that's pretty messed up.

Ahhhm, you know what, just buy my book on dreams.

It'll tell you everything you need to know.

Now what is for dinner.

Ooh, They have a cheesecake.

There is also this box under the bed with some letters, and...

- Here's the box.

- Oh! Thanks.

- You missin' a shoe?

- Shoe, yup. Thank you.

I think there's some books.

- I also wanted to apologize to you.

- For what? You don't have to apologize.

Um, for what I said, about, that I never believed in you.

- Oh, that.

- It was harsh, and I'm sorry.

It's okay, I'm.., I'm gonna quit that stuff anyway.

- Nobody really seems to get it.

- Tim, you quit, what?

No.

It's a worthless skill. It's not like I'm a piano player

or a painter or something.

- It's got no value. I get it.

- I was angry when I said all that, Tim.

I don't think it's true.

I know, you're gonna take this thing and it'll evolve into...

I don't know... something bigger, wherever your brain takes it,

because you don't see the finish line.

You don't ever put that pressure on yourself, and...

and that's so great about you.

- I'm really sorry.

- Wh..Why? What?

Because I let you down.

And because I wasn't enough.

Tim, you didn't let me down. Okay?

We just grew in different directions.

But I'd still really like to be your friend.

I say you gotta get in a conversation. Right?

You can't just knock on the door, "May I come in?"

You gotta bust right in there!

, I can't believe I'm gonna tell you this.

I used to be horrible at conversations. What?

Me! I know! It's crazy.

But, I just, you know, I could talk about

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