The Golden Calf Page #8

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Calm down. You may carry him away.

Boys, tell my deceased father,

the Turkish citizen,..

...that his favorite son,

the former horns'n'hoofs expert,..

...has died the death of the brave

on the field of honor.

"Sleep, fighting eagles! Nightingale,

nightingale, you little bird!"

How to defend yourself against

military poisoning substances?

Is it possible at all?

... the choking, the tear-producing,

the generally poisoning,..

...the festering, the irritating...

...Chlorpicrin, Bromidic Benzyl,

Bromeaceton, Chloracetophenon...

You're pathetic nonentities!

What are you doing!

You'll have to answer for this.

Shura, you're the witness.

Commander!

Stop. You are poisoned aren't you?.

Not a word about dumbbells.

Where have you been?

At the archbishop's birthday party?

Well, swan-brothers,

what have you done?

So help me God,

it was Panikovsky who started it.

My honest, honorable word!

You know Bender, how I respect you!

Don't you see that these are Balaganov's tricks.

And you believe him?

Do you suppose I would have taken

those dumbbells without your permission?

So it was you who took the dumbbells!

But why?

Panikovsky said that they were made of gold.

And how does it go with the defendant?

Fine, but for the fact that

he fled in unknown direction.

- Do you see the young lady sitting there?

- A nice young lady, indeed.

- She's the one with whom Koreiko used to walk.

- Really?

So, that is Zosya Sinitskaya!

Well now, really!

In the midst of the noisy ball, accidentally...

Are you the girl who lived near Marcelle

in the year of 1898?

In what year?

Then, it must've been another woman.

Do you know what you comb is made of?

It's made of horns'n'hoofs.

I'm telling you as an expert.

I'm interested in technology.

During a reconstruction - privately speaking -

everything is decided by technology.

[quote from I.Stalin]

but liberal art and philology...

Do you like Byron?

Oh my God, what a woman!

By the way, meet Panikovsky,

the governor of Borneo.

- Shura Schmidt.

- Nice to meet, Balaganov.

- What were you talking to her about?

- Nothing in particular.

- Well, you roughnecks, let's get back to business.

- Give me my share and that's it.

We must find the defendant.

and about 5 ships...

After all, there's nothing terrible about it.

It is not China.

In China it would be rather difficult to find the man.

There you have a population of 400 million.

We have only 160 million, and so it is 3 times

as easy as it is in China. We'll find him.

All we need is money,

and that we have.

Next morning...

This is all that remains of 10 thousand.

And I thought we had a balance of about $7000.

How could it have happened?

Everything was so fine!

We're collecting horns'n'hoofs.

Life was smiling at us.

And suddenly...I understand!

The overhead.

A bureaucratic apparatus

have eaten up all our money!

Let's divide the money.

We'll have 15 each and he -- 4.

- And Kozlevich?

- What Kozlevich?

We'll keep this money for a rainy day

to buy us some food...

...when we're all get scurvy.

What is to be done?

What do you mean by "what"?

The Office! The furnishings!

The inkstand will be bought by any establishment,

and joyfully, for a 100 rubles!

And the typewriter, and the hole puncher,

the elk's horns, the tables, the samovar?

All of that can be sold...

Stop!

This is simply criminal!

Through the entire campaign they have

collected only 10 kilos of unsorted horns!

They'll face the court for this!

The office is dead.

It needs us no more.

Shura, do you have cash?

I've one ruble. Why?

Give it me.

Thanks.

What is it? What are you doing?

You'll take these flowers to Zosya Sinitskaya.

This was our last money!

Almost 40 rubles!

- Why all this pretension?

- It's necessary, Shura. It's necessary.

I have a big heart, like a calf.

And anyway, this isn't money.

What we need is an idea.

And we have none... Go, Shura.

Bender is mad! He is simply ruining us!

He's losing his head!

It's warm and dark here,..

...like between the palms of two hands.

Why did you fall in love with me?

You are lovely and wonderful.

You are better then anyone else in the world.

Do you remember I was telling you about Koreiko?

You know -- the fellow who proposed to me?

Do you remember I told you

how unexpectedly he went away?

Just imagine! To-day I received a letter from him.

Very amusing...

What?

- Are you jealous?

- A little.

What does that dull fellow write you?

He's not a bit dull.

He's merely a poor, very unhappy man.

Why did you get up, Ostap?

Seriously, I don't love him at all.

He wants me to come to him.

Where? Where does he want you to come?

No, I shan't tell you!

You're jealous. You may kill him.

I'm merely curious to know

where people can make a living.

He is now working on the construction

of the Turkestan Railroad.

Upon my word, you are too curious.

You mustn't be like Othello!

You make me laugh, Zosya!

Do I look like that silly old Moor?

I simply want to know on which part of

the Turkestan Railroad one can find a job.

He has a job as a switchman

in the Little Northern City.

That is its only name. As a matter of fact,

it is just a train. Get it?

This train lays down the rails

and moves on along them.

And another such little city

moves to meet it from the south.

Then there will be an official union.

All sorts of things are in the desert,

he writes, camels...

Isn't it interesting?

It's cold. It's cold here, Zosya.

It's very late. It's time to go.

And anyway... let us go.

Aren't you going to see me home?

What? Oh, home! You see, I...

- Don't go!

- Very well. Au revoir.

And don't come to me any more,..

...do you hear?

Wait!

Lovely and wonderful!

No, this is not Rio de Janeiro.

In a day...

...two...

...three...

Adam, we must go. The course is due East.

The antelope was a faithful machine,..

...but there are many other machines in the world.

Soon you will be able to select any one you like.

A new car! How will we name it?

We'll name it "Antelope's Daughter".

Life is beautiful, in spite of its drawbacks!

Where is Panikovsky?

Where is that goose-killer?

- Come, come. We have far to go.

- I want to eat. I want a goose.

Pathetic, insignificant people!

Why did we leave Chernomorsk?

Don't whine, old man.

Golden jaws await you.

A fat little widow...

...and a whole reservoir of kefir.

- Onward!

- I don't want onward.

I'll buy a little sailor suit for Balaganov

and will place him in an elementary school.

And our driver will receive a new machine.

What kind do you want, Adam Kazimirovich?

- "Lincoln"? "Studebaker"?

- "Isotta-Fraschini". It's more practical.

Bender! You don't know how I respect you!

But you don't understand anything.

You don't know what a goose is.

- Oh, how I love that bird!

- We know. We saw you at Arbatov.

I kill a goose like a toreador, with a single blow!

When I attack a goose, it's an opera!..."Carmen"!

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