The Good Catholic Page #4

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That was a joke. Relax.

Well, you're probably going

to hell because of it,

so I really hope

it was worth it.

I really can't tell jokes,

can I?

Come on!

No, man, sorry.

But you did really sell

the whole humorless,

stodgy priest thing there.

Yeah.

We work on it in seminary,

for years.

Yeah,

that and thurible swinging.

Thurible swinging?

Yeah.

Sounds dirty.

Uh, well...

Sorry. It's late.

You're cute.

I'm human.

Can I... ask you a question?

Maybe.

The whole dying thing.

No.

What?

Let's not.

Come on.

You've got off-limits,

you know, stuff. So do I.

Well, we both know that

you're not... Daniel.

I mean,

you don't even look sick.

Like at all.

It's late.

I should go inside.

Jane.

Thanks for walking me home.

I didn't mean to...

It's just...

I don't know why we have to keep

up with the, you know, charade.

Charade?

No, that's not what I...

I-I just mean...

You don't...

I mean, you look...

How?

What?

How do I look?

Well, no, I just...

I don't look frail...

Helpless?

I seem a bit too healthy?

Well, I guess that's a testament

to my formidable spirit.

Good night, friend.

There's a decent case

for blasphemy here...

You see? Keep missing

your morning jogs,

breaking your routine,

that's your future.

What?

Nothing.

Daniel, say it.

He's happy.

What?

I know that you take some issue with

father Ollie's eccentricities, but...

He treats this like a joke.

But look at him.

That's what I'm talking about.

Good, good, good, good, good.

Lost your snare

at the bridge, keyshawn...

He's wearing basketball shoes.

Under his habit.

You know what I mean.

I'm not so sure... actually.

Never mind.

Doug?

Were you lip syncing?

No.

Doug.

No.

Doug.

And I broke Doug.

That's on me.

That's my bad.

Daniel... I should probably

go get some work done.

Doug, come.

Sit.

Come here. Come here.

Come here.

C'mere, c'mere, c'mere...

Doug, sing these...

Bring your air down lower.

And you're back.

I'm so proud of you.

That's the way to...

What's going on here?

What is it?

I met someone.

You met someone?

Yes.

What does that mean?

A person.

I met a person.

There was a person,

and I met her.

Her?

Yes.

Hmm.

I see.

No big deal.

And that's what happens

when you apply

a little bit of enthusiasm...

Doug!

Now you're embarrassing yourself

in a place of worship.

Take a knee.

You will not be in this

rehearsal until I tell you.

So it wasn't

just someone you met.

You... you met her.

A... female someone.

I didn't do anything, father.

No one says you did.

Because I didn't.

Okay.

So it doesn't matter if it was

a female someone or a her

if I didn't do anything, which I

didn't, so it doesn't... matter.

Great.

Terrific.

Glory be.

I didn't do anything, father.

Well, that's between you

and god, now, isn't it?

Let's go one more time.

Let's feel it.

Practice makes perfect.

B-4.

Bingo Thursdays with

Edith and Ruth.

And Jane.

G-51.

Oh! G-51.

When you're blessed,

you're blessed. Am I right?

Yeah?

No?

Okay.

I-17.

Nope. No I-17.

I-16.

I-18 would've done it.

But no.

This is fun. Let me know

when you really wanna talk.

Jane.

E-7.

I got you something.

What is it?

Open it.

I wasn't expecting you'd...

You've been holding out on me.

I don't know what to say.

I'm pleasantly... surprised.

Is this a joke?

What do you mean?

I don't understand.

E-46.

Don't do this Daniel.

Please.

You of all people. I'm not letting you

turn out to be a disappointment too.

O-68.

Please, just... take that.

For your sake.

For my sake?

See you around.

Father.

I-43.

Where are we?

Why are we here?

No, no no, don't.

Don't try to answer.

Just maybe give that some

thought for a second or two.

Why are we here?

I mean, I can tell you

for a fact

I'm only here

for the free communion wafers.

'Course that's just me.

But the rest of you.

Why?

And I, I don't mean

philosophically.

I mean right now.

In this exact moment.

What brought you into

this building?

Guilt?

Fear? Obligation?

Perhaps you aren't

even into the big radio hits.

And you're more of a deep track,

b-side kind of guy.

So, are you looking for

a sense of community?

A moment of reflection?

An escape?

You can do a lot worse.

This really is

a beautiful building.

Oh my goodness.

But...

But...

If what brought you here

doesn't at least have something

to do with compassion.

Well then, that's all there

really is.

Huh?

A building.

Compassion.

Oh, what a concept.

I mean, we all like to think

that we are...

Compassionate.

Help you feel better.

Thoughts and prayers.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

But it's a funny thing though.

Because when you find out where the word

compassion comes from, it's real...

Origin.

It turns out

the word actually means

to suffer with.

Not to pity.

Not to feel sorry for,

not to send hugs

to somebody's Facebook wall.

But to suffer with.

And are you capable

of suffering with

someone else?

To...

Take on their pain.

And carry it around with you

for a while.

Someone...

Hurting.

Someone...

Completely lost.

Someone...

With less than you.

Less money.

Less stuff. Yeah, whatever.

But what about less freedom?

Less choice.

Less...

Privilege.

Less basic human rights.

Are you truly able to

suffer with...

Others?

But,

will you?

How much I owe you?

Good run? Good, good, yeah.

Very good.

Very focused.

Good.

It was great, actually.

It was,

it was great.

Great.

I would definitely classify that

run as great.

If I were to classify it.

Which apparently I am. So...

Yep. I would file it

under g for great.

How's scripture?

Wonderful.

It is.

Always wonderful. Scripture.

I'm just going to go ahead and

opt out of this conversation.

How's it going?

'Kay, I'm on my way.

Everything okay?

It's Ronnie.

He's on his way out.

Well, perhaps you should allow

the family to...

He asked for me.

Oh. You've spent so much time...

He asked for me, Victor.

Of course.

If one of you could cover

my 10:
00am confession,

that'd be Ter...

- Can I go with you?

- No.

- What if, uh...

- We'll finish in the car.

So, dying sucks.

You okay?

Yeah. I didn't

really know him, so...

Well, that's not what I asked.

I'm fine.

It's awfully easy

to forget, but,

we're pretty damn lucky to

be able to do what we do.

Priests?

Humans.

What'd you say?

Wanna crush a little Arby's

on the way home?

Thank you.

You know, it's fans like you

that really make it all

worth-while.

You see, that was actually funny

because you guys

aren't being supportive

at all.

Is why it's funny.

What I just said.

Okay.

I cheered.

Probably couldn't hear me because

I was standing outside the door.

What do you want?

I'm sorry.

For what?

For the other day and the Bible.

Just say being a dick.

What?

I'm sorry for being a dick.

That should cover everything.

I'm sorry for... yes, Daniel,

you can take me home.

But please no funny business.

I'm saving myself for

the right clergyman.

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