The Grass Is Greener Page #10

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In there?

I just can't stand this anymore.

I know it's my fault. I insisted

on coming down here, but...

Well, now I know that he knows.

And he knows that I know he knows.

Hattie knows.

We all know we all know. It's uh...

like a top secret that everybody

knows. Like the day before D-day.

Well, nuts to the top secret.

What do you mean?

I'm going to talk to him.

Oh no! You can't! You promised!

Well, I'm thinking of

breaking that promise.

Oh Charles, darling.

You must think of me.

- I haven't thought of anything else since...

- Now stay where you are.

Now listen.

Victor knows all about it. Doesn't he?

Does he seems to be upset?

Does he seem to be jealous?

Does he seem to care,

one way or another?

Well...

Of course he cares. He's just not

a very jealous person. That's all.

Well, in his position I think he should

be jealous. I just don't think he cares.

Yes, he ought to be a little

bit jealous. Shouldn't he?

You know,

Hattie asked him if he considered the

possibility of my running away with you,

and do you know what he said?

What?

He said, he thought it would be a pity.

A pity!

There you are.

You suppose for one

moment if he actually cared

that he would've invited

me down here? Now really.

Not unless he's a lunatic.

Oh no, he's not a lunatic.

Maybe it's just his way of saying,

Alright, I understand.

You don't have to...

talk about it or discuss it.

Just as long as you stay here with me.

That's all.

You honestly believe that?

Darling, I'm in such a muddle

I don't know what I believe.

Well, I know what I believe.

I believe that you love me

and that I can make you happy.

Without upsetting Victor too much,

you could get a divorce and marry me.

Perhaps you don't understand

Englishmen very well.

Well, who does?

Englishwomen.

Darling, were wasting time.

Then kiss me.

- From here? How can I?

- Well, then come round here.

- But you just told me not to.

- Well, I've changed my mind.

Alright then, does that

mean you'll marry me?

No, no, Charles. Oh

Charles, don't you see?

The moment you go to bed,

I'm going to talk to him?

He may guess what

you're going to say and

try to head you have

by going to bed himself.

Well, I can fix it so

that he can't, you know.

If everything works out

the way I think it will,

I'll stay here tonight and we can

all discuss it tomorrow morning.

If Victor insists on being difficult,

I'll just go back to London,

cancel all my plans, and arrange

to stay in England all Summer long.

Oh, you're so beautifully determined.

No wonder I'm in love with you.

Oh Hilary, I could give

you such a lovely life.

Well, I was having quite a lovely

life until you came into it.

Oh, I think I'm going out of my mind.

Oh, wouldn't that be wonderful.

Just to go out of your

mind and walk away.

And somebody'd park it for me,

and when you've gone away and I'm

in a fit state to drive it again,

I could go and collect it.

Come inside. Sellers

is bringing it here now.

One of these should open it.

Oh yes. Hattie says

she's tired, darling.

I expect you are, too,

after your week in London.

It wasn't a week. It was four days.

Well Charles, if they're going

to leave us and go to bed.

I thought you and I would

have a game of billiards.

It's early, yet, would you like to?

Yes, I would, but I'm afraid

I don't know your English game.

Well, I'm not sure how to very clearly,

but we can make it up as we go along.

Well, perhaps Charles doesn't want to play.

Why don't we all make it an early night.

No, no, I'd like to play.

Sure.

Thank you, Sellers. Bring it here.

That looks heavy, doesn't it?

Heavy?

- Try one of those, Sellers.

- You couldn't really get a body in there, could you?

I mean not unless it

was cut up, of course.

- Now Hattie, don't be disgusting.

- Alright then, dismembered.

Well, that's even worse.

I expect that's why they

always use it in the newspapers.

Sellers! Try it over there,

it might be easier for you.

Oh, before we open it. In case it's

something gorgeous, who's going to get it.

Shouldn't we draw lots or something.

Finder's Keeper's.

Maybe it's like Pandora's box.

You shouldn't open it at all.

Ah, got it!

Finder's Keeper's, darling.

Or perhaps we should draw lots for it.

Let me see. Anything else, Sellers?

You don't call that

side that spin, do you?

You call it putting English on the ball.

I suppose Englishmen

deserve it. Don't you agree?

No, I'm not so sure that I do.

We don't seem to see

eye-to-eye about anything.

You know, the only reason you

refuse to fight a duel with me,

is because you think

it's too unconventional.

Well, it's not you know.

It's been accepted in every other

century since David and Goliath.

Yes, but in the twentieth century, it's

not only unconventional, it's unheard of.

Nonsense, it goes on all the time.

What's the Cold War but a duel.

The two-party political system.

Competitive enterprise, rival

firms, human relationships,

the Davis Cup, they're

all forms of dueling.

Even fishing.

A 20 pound salmon on

the end of your line,

and you know as well as I do

you're in for a hell of a duel.

But you're asking me to accept to

kill you. I find that monstruous.

You're asking me to

give up my wife to you.

I find that monstruous.

And I refuse to discuss

or consider a divorce,

until you've accepted my challenge

and fought a duel with me.

Why?

Because I'm prepared to defend my...

Don't worry, I'm not

going to say my honor.

Something to me more

important than that.

I'm prepared to defend my home

And my happiness.

And the duel, although

admittedly a little dramatic,

seems to be the most satisfactory

and decisive way of setting about it.

Some more brandy?

No, thanks.

Well, uh...

Supposing I just refuse.

Well, then it would be known

to Hilary that I challenged you,

and leave it to you to

explain why you didn't accept.

I expect she'll be hurt

you weren't prepared to fight for her.

Is that a threat or a promise?

I'd say it was blackmail.

Well,

swords or pistols?

I think pistols would be less tiring.

I'll tell Sellers to arrange it.

I think I would like that drink now.

I'll join you.

I suppose sometime tomorrow you want

me to take Victor on a long walk.

So you can be alone with Charles.

Yes, please!

To say goodbye?

Or au revoir?

I don't know.

I honestly don't know.

It's a dreadful thing to

confess, but I simply do not know.

I can give no guarantee of what I'm

going to do or how I'm going to behave.

Do you find that shocking?

Well, coming from you I do, rather.

Ah, surprising anyway.

Of course, it's the sort of feeling I've

been having ever since I was about 11.

Sellers!

I think I'd better have my glasses!

Very good, my lord!

Where are they?

In my coat.

You looking for something, sir?

Looking for the brandy, Sellers.

Ah, his lordship's got

it in the gallery, sir.

Well, I'll fetch it if you

really feel you need it.

No, no, don't bother.

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