The Heartbreak Kid Page #3

We're going to the Fontainebleau tonight

with some Colorado people.

I could come over.

I'll stop over for a drink at 7:00.

- What about your cute little wife?

- It's okay. A drink at 7:00.

Well, if Lila won't let you,

you can have my spot on the beach.

But you said we could go out for dinner

if the swelling went down.

We are. We're going out for dinner.

I already made reservations.

9:
00 for two.

The best seafood place on the beach.

Just have to have this drink with this

old army buddy of mine first, honey.

Imagine running into him

on the beach like that.

Is it so important?

Important? He only saved my life.

That's all.

He pulled me out of a burning barracks

in Louisiana in the middle of the night.

He pulled six of us out...

And the captain.

Got a citation.

What's his name?

His name?

Wilmer McCrady.

He's a big rednecked jerk when

it comes to having a conversation.

But he's a hell of a handy guy to have around

if you're gonna need somebody to save your life.

He's a big beer drinker.

I almost didn't even recognize him.

Must've put on about 30 pounds.

He's got a charter fishing boat

business here. Married.

- Three kids.

- Why, why can't the wives come?

What?

To an army reunion?

Honey, are you kidding?

Do you know what the language would get like?

This is a very rough guy.

He's always got a toothpick in his mouth.

Look, set your appetite dial

for a quarter to 9:00...

For that terrific Florida lobster...

And that yummy yum-yum pecan pie.

Okay?

Okay?

- You won't forget me?

- Oh, honey, come on. How can I forget you?

No, I didn't exaggerate.

Would you excuse me?

Bye, dad, I'll be back. Bye.

How'd you get away

from your cute little wife?

It's no problem.

I can handle that.

I know I wouldn't

let you get away with it.

You know, perhaps that's why I'm here.

Uh, scotch.

Here's the deal.

The marriage is off.

It was just one of those dumb things

i rushed into,

like joining the army, except...

this time I'm not gonna

wait around three years to get out.

I had my doubts in Virginia.

I was pretty sure in Georgia.

You have...

really settled things for me in Florida.

I've been waiting for a girl

like you all my life.

I just timed it wrong.

Here's the plan.

I'm definitely getting out.

I just have to figure a way

to let her down easy.

It kinda complicates things,

this being our honeymoon

and everything, you know?

What do you think about

what I've said so far?

I'm just listening.

Can't think if I'm listening.

You have a fantastic way

of putting things. It really kills me.

I need some time...

Because it's a little difficult.

I have to figure out a way to drop

the bombshell on the poor kid, you know?

- When are you gonna go back to Minnesota?

- Saturday.

- Saturday. The day after tomorrow?

- Uh-huh.

I really have my work cut out for me.

There's all the wedding presents.

You just make your own decision.

We're leaving on Saturday.

Don't underestimate me.

I'm in this all the way. What about you?

Um, I've got to get back to the table.

That look in your eye

is good enough for me.

Would you like to come over

and say hello?

No, I can't. I gotta get back.

It's all right. I told daddy about you.

- You did? About my being married?

- Not about that yet.

- But he's seen me talking to you.

- Oh, yeah. What does he think?

He hasn't met you yet, but just

from appearances, he doesn't like you.

Appearances aren't everything.

Kelly, how long are you gonna be?

They're waiting with the lobster bisque.

I was just coming.

Daddy, this is Mr. Cantrow.

Cantrow. Hello, sir.

A real pleasure.

I'm sorry I detained your daughter.

I hope I didn't interrupt your dinner.

Come on, Kelly.

Your mother's a nervous wreck.

Daddy, is it all right if Mr. Cantrow

joins us for dinner? Please, daddy.

No, no, really, I can't. That's very generous.

Thank you very much.

Perhaps some other time

we can have dinner together.

Why not? You can drop

your bombs later, can't you?

- Kelly, he said no.

- He'll come if I ask him to.

No. I really have

a very pressing appointment.

Maybe just a fruit cocktail.

- Can you see all right, Kelly?

- Perfect, daddy.

Fine, sir.

Oh!

Oh, what a terrific show!

Oh, yes, he is very funny, isn't he?

You like the show, Kelly?

- Terrific, daddy.

- Most enjoyable, sir.

- Oh, Emma.

- Yes, Charles?

Do you find me unattractively plain?

No, Charles.

I always thought you had a most noble

forehead, and a most attractive manner.

We have a subscription

to the Minneapolis Symphony.

- Don't we, Duane?

- Is that right, sir?

We had Leonard Bernstein last year.

I must've seen Leonard Bernstein

maybe 200, 300 times.

Oh! Listen, if you're ever around Minneapolis,

be sure and go and see them.

You'd just love it. I know.

As a matter of fact, I may be heading in

that direction in the very near future.

- Oh, how nice!

- Well.

Isn't that nice, Duane?

What business did you say

you were in, young man?

Athletic equipment, sir.

What?

Athletic equipment. Sporting goods.

Oh, I see. You mean...

you sell balls and bats, huh?

That what you mean, balls and bats?

Last year in this country,

over $2 billion were spent on recreation.

Is that right? On balls and bats?

Duane, if we're gonna shove off

at 7:
00 tomorrow morning,

...we better get in a little bed time.

- Yes, I guess we better.

Waiter?

No, no.

This is on me.

No, no, let me get it.

Captain, can you find

our waiter for us, please?

Mr. Cantrow, I hope

we meet again very soon.

- Cantrow, mother.

- I'm sorry.

And you'll be seeing him tomorrow.

He's going fishing with us.

Tomorrow?

Isn't it all right, daddy?

It's his boat.

We can always use an extra hand.

We shove off at 7:00.

Thank you very much.

- I can't go tomorrow.

- Bel Harbor Yacht Club, 7:00.

How can I go tomorrow?

I can't go tomorrow.

Bombs away.

Lila? Lila? You up?

- What do you want?

- Did you hear?

Did you hear?

Did you watch the news?

We were in a big accident!

Wilmer was driving me here about 8:30...

When a big oil truck

plowed right into us.

I'm all right. I just got shaken up a little.

I had my seat belt on.

But the truck is still burning

and Wilmer's caris a complete wreck.

A complete wreck!

They checked me over at Miami general.

I'm all right. I don't want you to worry.

I'm perfectly all right.

I didn't hear anything about any accident.

That surprises me, 'cause there were

reporters all over the place.

The oil companies must've

paid them off to keep quiet.

My back is a little sore.

Wilmer may lose some teeth.

They're not sure yet.

The truck plowed right into us!

Incredible!

What wilmer does have

is a terrific lawsuit...

because there were

ten, fifteen witnesses.

I have to be in court tomorrow at 7:00.

7:
00?

What courts open at 7:00?

Florida courts open at 7:00

'cause of the weather down here.

No use you coming because I'm gonna

be signing affidavits all day long.

Rate this script:1.0 / 1 vote