The Heartbreak Kid Page #4

My back is really sore.

I sat here all night.

You could've called me.

Honey, how could I call?

I was pinned behind--

I was pinned in a '68 Chevy.

It took them an hour to get us out.

How could I call you?

Were you really in an accident?

You think I'm making it up?

My God!

My God! You think I'm making it up?

I'll get the patrolman

who pulled me out of the car.

Talk to patrolman Greer,

the man that pulled me out of the car.

- I didn't mean it. My God!

- Lila, I'm lucky I'm alive!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean you were making it up.

- Good night, Lila.

- Good night, Lenny.

Ah, thanks for waiting.

Nice to be aboard.

Nice to be aboard.

- Happy?

- Happy?

It's only the best three days of my life.

I think we'll come back here

on our honeymoon.

What makes you so sure

there's going to be a honeymoon?

I told you. Don't underestimate me.

Don't underestimate daddy.

He still doesn't like you.

- If he told you to drop me, what would you do?

- Drop you.

You always do what your father says?

Always.

Kelly, what do you say?

Lunch.

- I'm coming, daddy.

- Be right there, sir.

Okay, listen.

Tonight at your hotel, 7:00.

Your father and me over cocktails.

- I lay my cards on the table.

He finds out I mean business.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Well, anyway, it's been a terrific three days.

Three days? Wait till you get a load

of the next 40 or 50 years.

Be right there.

Hold the elevator.

- Hi, hon.

- I want an explanation.

- What?

- I said to you that I want an explanation.

What kind of an explanation?

I'd like to know how you got

such a gorgeous tan...

If you've been in court

since 7:
00 this morning.

Oh, honey, do you think

the law moves that quickly?

I mean, in Florida?

There were three cases before us.

Then they had a recess.

And then I wasn't called

as a material witness until 2:30.

And all that time I was sitting on

the dumb hot courtroom steps.

It was a complete waste of a day.

Do you call this a honeymoon?

Do you know that I haven't seen you for

five minutes since we've been in Florida?

Oh, honey, it's not the amount of time

you spend with somebody.

It's how the time was spent.

And I feel that I'll...

Never forget these three days.

Where are you going now?

Honey-- honey, I've got

to visit Wilmer's family.

Wilmer keeled over signing an affidavit.

The man has three broken ribs.

They rushed him to the hospital.

He's not gonna be doing much

charter fishing for a while,

so I thought I would go and lay a hundred

bucks on his wife and kids.

Wait, can't I go with you?

Honey, shantytown!

The man lives in shantytown.

You can't walk through

shantytown this time of night.

- I wouldn't want to if I didn't have to, sweetheart.

- What about dinner?

Dinner is 9:
00. Florida lobster and

a terrific Florida pecan pie.

Something very big has come up and I think

tonight is a good time to discuss it.

Something good?

Could be very great. It all depends

on how you want to look at it.

I certainly appreciate the way you

and Mrs. Corcoran have treated me.

I mean, after all, I'm a veritable stranger,

veritably unknown.

And you and Mrs. Corcoran

have generously treated me as though...

I were practically a member

of the immediate family.

Kelly said something about

your laying your cards on the table.

- Were those your cards?

- No, no, I'm just kinda shuffling.

This is actually my deal now.

Well, in just plain, old-fashioned,

corny lingo, sir,

uh, I have fallen head over heels

with your Kelly here.

It didn't take me long

to make up my mind.

One good look did it,

actually, if you want to know the truth.

I'm the kind of crazy hairpin that

doesn't need much more than that.

And then, that's it for life with me.

Now, there is a slight complication.

I happen to be a newlywed.

Um,

I made the big mistake

about five days ago in New York.

When I say big, sir, I mean

radio-city-music-hall big.

You may have seen her around the pool.

She's a nice girl.

But just not, not really my type.

I married her because I thought it was

the decent thing to do.

I've learned that decency

doesn't always pay off.

So I'm going to get out.

It'll be difficult, but not impossible.

Not when you're as determined as I am.

Sitting opposite you,

Mr. Corcoran, is probably...

the most determined young man

that you have ever seen.

Now, I know that you are going back

to Minneapolis tomorrow.

And it's my plan, just as soon as

I work out this messy business,

to follow you out to Minnesota,

to get myself set up there,

and to lay claim

to your lovely daughter.

Those are my cards, and, uh,

Mr. Corcoran, there's not

a joker in the bunch.

Now, having spoken my piece,

I would like to know, in all candor,

how you feel about what I've said...

and to ask if I have your approval.

Not if they tied me to a horse

and pulled me 40 miles by my tongue.

Well, that's an honest answer, sir.

Not if they hung me from a tree

and put a lit bomb in my mouth.

I respect your frankness.

I think we understand

how we stand now.

It's not a question

of my not approving of you.

It's a question of...

I don't like one goddamn thing about you.

Ah. Well, initial judgments

very often are misleading.

I found that out to my sorrow, sir.

You come hanging around

my daughter on your honeymoon?

Duane.

Hang around your wife!

- Don't hang around my daughter!

- Duane, you're shouting, dear.

- Five days, he's married! For God-- five days!

- Darling, please.

Where's respect for

the institution of marriage?

Once I get rid of my mistake, I'm willing

to show you all the respect you would like.

Get him out before I take him into the men's

room and break all the respect in his body.

You've made your point, darling.

If I may, sir, in other words what

you're saying is that...

if I want Kelly, I'm gonna have

to put up a hell of a fight then.

Is that, uh--

he's a nut.

He's some kind of a goddamn--

get him out of here. Please--

Just don't get upset, dear.

Maybe this isn't the proper

time to discuss this.

Mrs. Corcoran, I hope that you will be

able to see my position in this thing.

And Kelly perhaps--

look for me because I'm coming.

You stay away from her.

I don't hand out my daughter to newlyweds!

Why didn't you go to Niagara falls

like everybody else?

Thank you for everything, sir. And look

for me, Kelly, because I'm coming. I'm coming.

You stay the hell out of Minnesota,

you goddamn newlywed!

What is this?

Am I talking to myself?

You've eaten four shells.

Is it terrific? Did I exaggerate?

Was it worth waiting for?

It's fantastic.

Now... save some room

for that great pecan pie. Right?

Yummy yum pecan pie?

Pardon me, sir.

Lenny, are you gonna tell me the thing

you want to discuss?

- May I?

- Yeah.

Thank you.

This place must really be expensive.

Can we afford this?

Yeah.

Don't worry about the money.

Listen, Lila--

money is the last thing that you

should be worrying about tonight.

Really. Just enjoy yourself,

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