The Hollywood Knights Page #4

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Give him his puffer.

Give me his coat.

Thank you.

Please don't hurt me.

I think I'm a bleeder.

Mama! Mama!

I won't tell anybody.

Just don't hurt me.

It's me. It's me.

It really is.

I would like to introduce now

three fine young ladies.

The Beverly Hills cheerleaders, with

their rendition of "Razzle Dazzle. "

You forgot your

underwear!

Your underwear!

No underwear on.

Clark, this is so fine.

That's Newbomb's car, isn't it?

Yeah.

And that's a fire hydrant, right?

Oh, yeah.

So that means all this area

here is a tow-away zone, right?

All of it.

This is Car Three.

We've got a tow-away out here

in front of the Beverly High School.

A '65 El Camino, silver-gray...

What the hell's going on?

We're gonna need some help here.

We've both been assaulted by eggs.

Lawrence

Lawrence of Arabia

He's an English guy

He came to fight the Turkish

All right, we've had

some bad luck this evening,

but here's something

that nobody can ruin.

This is the young man

who has won our $500 award.

His name is Douglas...

Dudley Laywicker.

Let's show him how proud we are

of him. Let's get him up here.

Dudley, we're very...

That's Newbomb Turk!

Go, Newbomb, go!

Hey, that's not Dudley!

That's Newbomb Turk!

Oh, come on!

That's funny!

Stop him! Stop him,

goddamn it! Stop him!

Get that piece of crap

out of here.

Lock it up,

will you?

Officers! Officers, there's a guy

in there in a major-domo outfit

farting all over the place.

Farting.

Farting?

Yes, farting.

Oh, Christ.

Farting? What do you mean?

Farting. Farting.

Newbomb, would you hurry up!

Come on! How'd it go?

How'd it go? How'd it go?

I was great. It was just swell.

Hey, that's really good. We gotta go.

The cops towed your

brother's El Camino away.

What?! What?!

Would you relax?

What? No!

I'm a dead man!

I'm doomed! No! No! No!

I hope you're satisfied.

I, for one, surely am not.

Little ass-wipe

doesn't have any pants on.

Hello. I don't know what you're

thinking, but I'm perfectly normal.

I was walking down the

parking lot today, and...

...out of the shadows

something strange happened.

I don't think I saw their faces, but I

think they were some people who went to...

You punk! You stupid punk!

I ought to beat

the living crap out of you!

Bimbeau,

what are you doing?

This guy farted all over the stage.

Give him air.

Who are you?

School photographer, sir.

Bimbeau. Put that way.

This is the young man who was

supposed to get the scholarship.

He's not your man, sergeant.

Bimbeau, put it away!

My puffer. My puffer.

My puffer.

Bimbeau, give him his puffer.

My puffer.

I'm having a little difficulty...

Help him up.

Oh, Christ.

Oh, God.

Come on.

These are great.

Now we don't have to

walk around nude.

Did you hear that noise?

Oh, yeah!

That's some old man

poking his old lady.

Are you sure?

Take my word for it, okay?

Sh*t.

Sh*t. Goddamn it.

I wish Froggie would hurry up.

Shut up and watch the front.

Oh, God.

That your Halloween costume?

Yeah, kid.

The fool ain't got no dick, Earle.

Get out of here, kid!

Hey, check us out.

Put this on.

Great, you a**holes.

Do you know where we're at?

I forgot.

Oh, sh*t, Martha! The Ku Klux Klan's

outside the window! Get my gun!

Take that off!

Let's get out of here!

Wait a minute, honey!

Sing it pretty.

Sing it.

Talking about you, baby.

We can't get out of here

until we get in that record store.

They only take dedications

in person.

Hey, man, we're up sh*t's creek.

I'm telling you, my

brother was a Knight, and...

...my uncle was a Knight,

and I'm gonna be one too.

Why don't you use the phone booth and

call your cousin to get us out of here?

What, are you dense,

man? You go in the...

...phone booth, shut the

door, the light goes on.

You think I'm gonna be standing

out here naked in the middle of Watts

on Halloween night?

You need a lobotomy.

We'd better do something,

that's for sure.

We gotta get clothes, we gotta

get into that record store,

make a dedication,

get back to Tubby's at 2:00.

We should've joined

the swim team.

You got Dr. J.,

ofay but okay,

as Motown strikes again!

Suzie.

Hi. Want a drink?

Cold, huh?

Yeah.

How about a free kiss?

That never cost you anything.

Oh, yes, they did.

I started getting used to them.

Gets kind of dangerous.

What do you wanna do?

I wanna be rich and famous.

I'm already good-looking.

Is this your first beer?

Yeah. I'm a cheap high.

So am I.

So, what's your plan?

Plans don't always...

Suzie.

You got an order up there.

Okay.

So, what do you

wanna do?

I don't know what I wanna do.

I just know what I don't wanna do.

I mean, maybe that's what I'm asking for,

is just a little time to figure it out.

A place to do it,

somebody to do it with.

I was thinking about Venice.

A little apartment down there

about a block from the beach.

You're asking me to just walk away

from it for some pipe dream.

Pipe dream? Talk about a pipe dream.

Tell me what acting is.

Hey, you wanna go to the

beach with me tomorrow?

Duke, you know I have

my screen test in the morning.

Yeah. I forgot.

See, that's what it is. You're there, and

I'm here. We're in two different places.

Well, you just go in there tomorrow

and knock them dead.

Why do you have to be so sarcastic?

Can't you give me a little support?

Suzie, pickup, please!

Hey, there's Newbomb.

He went home and got his pie wagon.

Gentlemen, I am here.

You can start.

You know that chick Barbara?

You're right. She does put out.

Hey, you guys want a menu?

Only if you're on it.

Only if you're on it.

Hey, Newbomb,

your brother's out front.

Sh*t.

What?

Stay here. You didn't see me.

You never saw me.

I don't even know you.

You don't know me. You never

knew me. You never will know me.

I don't wanna hit you. Why?

Try and hit me.

How you doing?

Hey, you seen Newbomb?

Mom said he had my El Camino.

No, I haven't seen him.

If he messes up my El Camino,

I swear I'm gonna strangle his ass.

I'll tell him you're looking for him.

Yeah.

Hey, have you seen my El Camino?

No, I haven't.

This is his pie wagon.

Where is he?

Uh, him and Simpson are working

on Simpson's rail job.

Oh, okay.

Hey, Turk.

Your car looks really bitchen.

Hey, listen, you see him,

you tell him I'm gonna nail his butt.

You got that?

Yeah. Yeah.

Take it easy.

All right.

See you guys later.

Really bitchen car.

Hey, Newbomb, he's gone.

Hey, Newbomb,

that was your brother.

He's gonna kick your ass.

He's looking for you.

He's looking for me?

He's looking for me?

That p*ssy's looking for me?

You do the windup.

What'd you think about

the Rolling Stones last night?

They were so dirty.

I mean, that guy's teeth.

Did you see them?

His skin was even worse than that.

But it was a great song.

Great song.

Goddamn these machines. They never

work. What are we doing here anyway?

What are we doing here?

We are looking for cute guys.

Cute? Like that Newbomb Turk?

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