The Hollywood Knights Page #5

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I bet that's cute.

Can you imagine

having to kiss that face?

Did you see Thunder Thighs

over there with Sally?

What a slut.

Speaking of sluts,

did you hear about Jean Friedman?

What?

She had an abortion in Tijuana.

That doesn't surprise me. I heard she

gave half the football team the clap.

They played like they

still had it last week too.

Hey, that was Brenda and Shirley

Weintraub, the Iron Box Twins,

coming to you live from the ladies'

room here at Tubby's Drive-In.

You a**hole!

You schmuck!

Nookie wagon! Here it comes!

Here comes the nookie wagon!

How you guys doing, man?

What's happening?

Not much, not much.

She's starving.

Ready to order?

BOTH:
Yes.

We want three hamburgers

and three orders

of onion rings.

And I want a vanilla shake.

And I want a Coke.

Got it.

Thank you.

What are you doing, man?

Not much. Hanging out at the beach.

Heard about Tubby's and everything.

Thought we'd come check it out.

I want a Big One! I'm so sick and

tired of those shitty Ding-Dongs, man!

I know, you gotta lay off that

surfer food. It'll do you in.

Hey, you should talk.

Hey, why don't you guys come down to the

beach sometime? I'll show you a boss time.

No, thanks. Sticking my head

in a bunch of seaweed

is not my idea

of a bitchen time.

Try it sometime.

Might do you some good.

Hey, this is Jane,

and this is Cheetah.

Wait a second.

You're Jane, you're Cheetah.

And what are their names?

Eyes off.

Hey, dummy up, man.

And my name is Newbomb Turk.

Hey, Turk!

How you doing, man?

Good, good. Okay.

Hey, where's

the Duker and Jimmy Shine?

Who knows? Who cares?

Where's your deuce coupe?

It's at the old man's shop, all covered

up. I'm thinking about selling it.

What for? You've been

working on it for about three years.

But I've just been hanging out at

the beach, crashing in this woody.

What do you do for money?

Old man takes care of me.

He's giving me all the money I want

so long as I stay away from the house.

He thinks I do more damage

if I show up there.

What?

Need a pair of pliers

for those?

Just got my damn shirt

caught in it.

Hey, pencil dick,

what time is it?

Time to eat!

Okay. All right.

Chinese bandits,

2 o'clock!

Bounces pretty good, pal.

Duke might've got whupped

by them almond-eyes guys,

but I'm going home to get my rail job,

and I'm gonna leave them...

I'm with you, man.

You know the power of that car.

Those Chinese a**holes.

They sneak up on you.

That Cobra ain't sh*t anyway.

Hey, he came in second.

"But he came in second. "

Ha! Thanks a lot.

I see you guys are having

a good time tonight, huh?

And it's gonna get

a lot better later.

Okay, a**hole, pull this yellow piece of

sh*t around the corner here. You got me?

Hear that? Move it.

Right now, a**hole.

Hey, Officer Clark,

are you lost or something?

Bitchen.

Do me a favor.

Jimmy Shine's going off

to Vietnam tomorrow,

and you're worried about

the beach is bitchen.

Who's got the burger?

I got a burger.

What are you doing, Newbomb?

Get your...

I was just getting some burger.

Oh, you were getting

some burger, huh?

Well, you want a little shake

to go along with your burger?

Hey, watch out, man!

You know what? I think the guys are

weenies for not letting us in the dance.

But I could care less, man. I didn't

want to go to that stupid dance.

I think dancing's for queers anyway.

This song is bitchen.

Check this song out.

Look, I'm telling you, man. The

Knights are not breaking up, all right.

Suppose Jimmy Shine

doesn't come back from Vietnam.

Oh, man, don't worry

about Jimmy Shine.

There's not even a war going on.

He's going over for training.

What about Duke?

Duke can take care of himself.

And Shorty, man.

Shorty's going to college.

Look, don't worry about Shorty.

We're gonna stick together, all right?

You can cruise with me, man.

All right?

Don't worry about it.

I'll take care of you.

Come on, man. Let's get this

stuff out of here, you know.

What do they have in this?

They got the punch in here.

Gentlemen, are you from the caterers?

Yeah.

Of course you are.

Is that the punch?

Uh-huh.

Oh, no, no. Please put it down.

You're going the long way.

Take the shortcut. Cut

right across the lawn.

Go right across the lawn

through the nice hibiscus.

I don't think the gardener's gonna

like that come Monday morning.

They're gonna re-landscape Monday morning.

They're having a new library there.

The Newbomb Turk

Memorial Library.

Newbomb Turk.

You've heard of him.

Oh, yeah,

I know that guy.

You heard of him?

Yeah, sure.

I assure you, there's nothing wrong.

You can leave the punch here.

Uh, garon! Garon. Boy, boy, boy.

Take this punch down there.

It'll be our pleasure to take care of

this. Anything happens, give them my name.

It's okay. Fine.

Have a nice time.

Thanks a lot for taking care of things.

My pleasure, my pleasure.

Come on, come on,

come on.

Come on.

This one is for Tubby's.

Gentlemen,

let's spike the punch.

Hey, can I help you?

This is the punch for the Beverly

Hills Residents' Association.

Name?

No name. Just punch.

Don't drink the punch.

Hey, don't drink the punch.

Don't drink the punch, man.

You little son of a b*tch.

Hey, you thirsty?

Why don't you have some punch?

Stay away from the punch.

Like some more?

No, thanks, it's fine.

Well, trick or treat.

You're already a treat.

You're already a trick.

This doesn't taste right.

Yeah, it's good.

No, it's not right.

My dick is in the punch!

I've had this taste in my mouth before.

It tastes all right to me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, hi.

Little bastards.

I'm just gonna ignore them.

I'm not paying attention to them.

There's a young man out there.

My dick! My dick!

I believe he's looking

for somebody called Dick.

Is there a Dick here?

I've got it, Nevans. It's spiked.

They've spiked the punch.

Thorny, get those officers.

Now, I know this taste.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dick.

What seems to be

the problem, ma'am?

Officer, taste this.

Taste this.

Tell me what you think.

Does have a little wang in it.

Good, though.

Excuse me.

Mind if I have some more?

No, no, please.

Thank you.

Help yourself. Come on, Nevans.

Try and get a piece of fruit there.

You've gotta be

very careful, Dudley.

You're a marked man.

I'll be fine.

They're envious of you.

Which trick should I do?

They're all so good.

Well, stick to your music, dear.

Watch the road.

After the talent contest,

I want you to go right home.

I'm gonna drop you

at the rear entrance.

With more atomic power,

"In the Midnight Hour. "

Man, this sure is a funny place

to build a library.

Yeah.

Newbomb Turk.

You know what?

I think I heard of that guy before.

He had something to do with something

in Beverly Hills or something, man. Yeah.

Maybe he's the one giving

the money to build the library.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Hold it, man. Don't drink all that beer.

I got you covered. Just come on.

What should we do?

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