The Horizontal Lieutenant Page #6

is where...

where did you get the can

of corn in the first place?

It was given to me,

by a Japanese.

What Japanese? When?

Excuse me.

One night last week,

he rapped on my window.

It... it was quite late.

He asked me to do

a favor for him.

The corn he gave

me as a present.

Had you ever met

this man before?

No.

Would you say that he looked

like a soldier?

I don't know

what he looked like.

It was quite dark outside,

and he was in the shadow.

That is all the information

I can give you.

One more thing, sister.

The favor he asked

of you:
What was it?

Like most Japanese, he had rather

a confused idea of our duties.

He wanted to get married and asked

if I would perform the ceremony.

I hope I've helped

you, young man.

Well, at least I'm

back where I started.

[Chuckles]

Thank you very,

very much, sister.

You're welcome, and...

Believe me young man,

whatever the trouble is,

alcohol is not the solution.

Oh, sister, honestly

drinking has nothing to do

with this, believe me.

Who is that unfortunate man?

Well, you may find this

hard to believe, sister,

but that unfortunate man

is a United States spy.

[Gasps]

Come on, spy.

Fill me in on this set-up.

Well, sir, our spy sneaks

down to that field.

On cue, he'll surrender to you in full

view of the Japanese civilians.

Uh-huh. That will make

it look authentic

so they won't be suspicious when

we put him in the compound.

You think it'll work?

Well, it better.

You have your spy all briefed?

Yes, sir.

This is a spy?

All right, get going and see

how many follow-ups you can manage.

All right, Tada.

Scramble down to that field.

Do I got to be captured

by those guys?

Somebody maybe get

trigger-happy

and put a bullet through me.

There won't be a shot fired in the whole

operation, I promise... not a shot.

Certainly not. You got

any last questions?

What you mean,

"last questions?"

Nothing! He didn't

mean anything by it.

Now go on, get crawling.

Lieutenant, when this

is over, if I'm dead,

I hold you personally

responsible.

Everyone, over here.

[Speaking Japanese]

We believe a Japanese soldier

is hiding in this field.

[Speaking Japanese]

If you have been helping him in any way,

this is a very serious offense.

[Speaking Japanese]

Have any of you seen a Japanese

soldier in this field?

[Speaking Japanese]

[Speaking Japanese]

[Stammers]

What's going on here?

What's she talking about?

No translation.

Wye:
I'd say offhand, sir, it

was some sort of a compliment.

You'd say offhand, lieutenant?

Y'think offhand.

I don't know why

I listen to you.

I must be some kind of a nut.

[Speaking Japanese]

Japanese soldier:

American soldiers

are reconnoitering this field.

You have fought well.

Surrender is no disgrace.

[Speaking Japanese]

Come out with your hands

over your head.

[Speaking Japanese]

[Speaking Japanese]

Hey, that's not Tada!

No. Hey, we got

ourselves a dividend.

[Speaking Japanese]

[Speaking Japanese]

Hey, looks like we hit

the jackpot.

[Yomura speaking

Japanese on bullhorn]

Hey... 2 real prisoners.

How authentic can you get?

All right, bring them in.

[Truck horn blowing,

motor approaching]

Nurses!

Females Americanus.

Blue?

I can't believe it.

Hey!

Hey! That looks

like Merle Wye!

What's going on?

Driver, can you stop a minute?

All right, knock it off!

Come on, you men,

bring them in.

Soldier:
Hey! Hey,

one of them's escaped!

It's Tada! Tada's gone!

Tada? Why would he want

to escape?

I was about to ask that question

myself, gentlemen,

before I court-martial

both of you.

Sir, I... just

tell me one thing!

Who's on their side,

who's on ours?

Where is that guy?

Hey... Look.

[Both speaking Japanese]

[Tada speaking

Japanese, muffled]

Tada:
Ow!

[Woman shouting in Japanese]

Just what do you think

you're doing, Tada?

What I'm doing?

What you doing?

I'm trying to surrender when this

wahine run up and knock me down!

Didn't nobody see me?

Don't nobody care

what happen to me, though?

I could have suffocate!

Ok, ok, you're doing fine. You

got one leg in a bronze star.

Now, just... just keep going.

Bronze star?!

[Speaking Japanese]

What did you say, Tada?

No translation.

Blue:
Hey, Merle! Hey!

Don't open your mouth.

Act captured.

Oh, hiya, Blue. What

are you doing here?

The new hospital.

What's all the excitement?

Oh, nothing much. Just rounding

up a few Japanese soldiers.

For heaven's sake. Out there.

Is that one of them?

Ah, it's... One

of our little boys, yeah.

I've never seen

an enemy before.

Did you have much

trouble with him?

Ah, a little, but, uh,

trouble's our business down here.

Boy, you never know

what they're thinking, do you?

Uh, sometime, yeah,

and I don't like it so good.

Look at him. I get the idea

he knows everything I'm saying.

I guess I owe you

an apology...

For what I said

that night in Honolulu.

Ah, it's ok.

I certainly wouldn't call this

relieving a soldier for combat duty.

Well, I figure it's good

to have a job of war,

long as there's one going on.

Woman:
Come on, girl!

Let's go! Back in the truck!

Blue!

Listen, Merle, call me.

Real soon.

Sure. If I find time.

Oh! They're having a welcome party

for us tonight at the hospital.

Will you come?

Could be.

Try, please. Good-bye, Merle.

Hey, this deal's working

out pretty good, huh?

Not bad.

Not bad, not bad.

You get a girl, I get

stuck in jail.

Fine deal.

[Swing music playing]

See anything

in my age bracket?

You got something

in your sights?

Hey, females americanus.

Middle ageus.

Good hunting, old man.

[All laughing]

Hiya, Blue.

Oh! Hello, Merle. How nice.

I'm sure you know

Colonel Korotny.

Yes. We're old buddies.

Why don't you drive through my office

sometime and see me?

May talk to you

for a minute, sir?

Oh, yes, yes. Excuse me?

Sure.

Shall we?

Sorry. I've promised this

one to Colonel Korotny.

For this dance,

I am outranked.

Uh-huh. You're also

outranked for the next 12.

Blue, I was under the impression

that we had a date tonight.

Well, maybe you should

have called me.

I couldn't, I...

we went out there again.

You mean battling those poor,

helpless, little Japanese soldiers,

who roam about the hills

without food or guns?

How terribly exciting.

Tell me:

Did you suffer any casualties?

Yeah... tripped over a rock.

Mm-hmm. You haven't

changed a bit, have you?

Merle, why do you

do these things?

How can you be such a fake?

Oh, it's not hard.

I've been practicing.

All right.

If you want to stick around, I'll see

what I can do about a dance.

Shall we?

Ok.

[Music ends]

Boy, I'm sure getting

the breaks these days.

Every time I turn around,

I run my face into a wall.

Sorry, Merle.

Well, anyway, I can

walk you home.

Ah-ah. You just

hit another wall.

Oh, no.

I promised someone else.

Blue, listen.

Ever since I landed

on this rock,

I've been thinking about you.

Now, I don't know who this joker

is, but get rid of him, huh?

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