The Hot Flashes Page #3

you quit all your other hobbies.

What makes you think

not enough people will show up?

Baby. Well, you aren't exactly

leading ladies anymore.

Hey, y'all.

Hey, Mill.

Good mornin'.

When we get in there,

don't sit behind her hair.

We won't be able

to see the preacher.

Hey!

Am I too late?

Of course not.

The others must be

runnin' late too.

Hey, Ginger, thanks for comin'.

Ah. My roommate Jewel's

mammogram at the mobile unit...

may have saved her life.

I'm sorry, Ginger.

I didn't know.

Ah, it's okay.

They caught it early.

Hey. Sorry I'm late.

You got room for these

saddlebags in here?

Howdy.

Hey, Ginger. How you doin'?

Pretty good.

P.S. I'm not wearin' no gym shorts.

Okay. Oh!

God! Damn!

Excuse me.

Is this the WNBA tryout?

Ladies, y'all know Clementine.

Sure do.

Okay.

We're gonna take it slow.

Oh.

Looks like someone remembers

how to handle a ball.

Honey, I always remember

how to handle balls.

- Slut.

- Lard ass.

Line up.

Hey, where's Florine?

- I thought you said she was committed.

- Yeah.

She is.

Whoo!

Whoa, right there!

Thank... you!

Yee-haw! Thank you.

I'm Florine Clarkston.

I'm runnin' for mayor.

I hope I can count

on your vote for mayor.

What?

I'm running for mayor!

I prefer mustard.

Don't forget to vote.

Vote for Flo.

Beth. I didn't know

you square danced.

I didn't know that this was a

stop on the campaign trail.

Well, I just want the retired

folks in town to know...

that I will have their best

interests at heart as mayor.

What about the interests

of the women in town?

You know, if you joined our team,

you might actually have fun.

I'm sure y'all only remember the

fun of high school basketball.

What are you talking about?

During the play-offs

against Jasper,

the fans called me "Jumpin' Jigaboo"

throughout the entire game.

Well, most of those folks

wouldn't know sh*t from Shinola.

And I bet none of them

are running for mayor now.

I just wanted to let you know we're

practicing again tomorrow, 3:00.

I'll think about it.

Yippee! Ha-cha! Ha! Ha!

Oh, honey, nobody wants

to see your do-si-do.

Bless her heart.

Hi. Remember me?

I couldn't help but overhear.

If you need a team manager,

I'm here to help.

All right, y'all.

Let's start practice.

- Here you go.

- Oh, thank you.

Hey, y'all.

Sorry I'm late.

Whoo! Whoo.

What the hell is that?

It's chocolate cheesecake, so we

don't all get low blood sugar.

That's not your, uh, special cannabis

chocolate cheesecake, is it?

No. It's just regular

old chocolate cheesecake.

It's fit for a Baptist.

Ginger!

Whoo!

Hey! Whoop.

Hey! Ha-ha!

Our fifth player is here.

I'm not here to play.

I'm here to talk you out

of this harebrained idea.

Look, we're all smart women.

I'm sure we can think of

another way to raise money.

How 'bout a bake sale, or one

of those silent auctions?

Take off those ridiculous shoes

and get out here with us.

You're not here

to play, huh, Florine?

You could've phoned in

your half-baked sale idea.

Well, if you're not gonna play,

I can call Charlotte Smoot.

I think she may be runnin'

for mayor this year.

Charlotte Smoot.

You gotta be kiddin' me.

I could run circles around

Charlotte Smoot on the court.

Bless her heart.

Oh, yeah?

Whoa! Ho-ho!

- Yeah!

- You still got it!

Ha-ha! Ladies, I believe

we have our startin' lineup.

Whoo! What are we gonna

call our team?

Oh, man. I never even

thought of a name.

Hey. Can you throw me a towel?

Whoo!

Got a warm front rollin' in, Roxie?

- Uh-huh.

- Your own personal tropical splendor?

Hey. That's it. That's

the name of our team.

Tropical Splendor?

The Hot Flashes.

Personally, I have never

experienced a hot flash.

- You're such a liar!

- Oh, really?

Get outta here

with your bullshit.

Hey, Kayla.

Hi, Beth.

Millie told me about this,

and I think it's great you ladies

will be taking on the Armadillos.

You do?

Oh. Uh-huh.

I was always too delicate

for sports myself.

Mmm.

I wanted to ask how you're gonna be

handlin' the concession proceeds.

I assume the church will be splittin' 'em

with the band, like with all the games.

You know, as church secretary,

I just want to make sure we're

singin' from the same hymnal.

Sorry, Kayla. All the proceeds

are goin' to the mobile unit.

I have to find my husband.

No problem.

I have a package.

Honey.

Hello, Laurence!

Afternoon, ladies.

Honey, I hung up two posters,

but I thought it'd be okay...

since I am sleeping

with the postmaster.

Uh...

Well, since it's for

a good cause, all right.

There is more

than one good cause...

that could benefit here.

I would love to stay

and shoot the bull,

but then I'd be a widow.

I wanna finish hanging the posters

in town so I can get to practice.

Later, y'all.

See you at home.

Toodle-oo!

What can I do for you?

Hello?

Hello?

You know, I'm no longer

licensed by the state of Texas.

I'm not here about a pet.

You want me to coach basketball?

I think you'd be perfect

for our team.

And why exactly did you choose me?

My acumen

for slam-dunkin'?

You love basketball. I've seen

you at lots of the games.

And like I said, this is for Tess.

She said you were amazing when

she had to put Reba down.

Yeah? Well, did she also

tell you why I lost my license?

If it's any consolation,

I think you were brave...

to kidnap those dogs

just to brush their teeth.

Well, aren't I

a lucky little bastard?

I must be the only one in town who likes

basketball and got along with Tess.

I chose you because you're

a little person and a felon.

And lots of people are scared of

you for one of those reasons.

And I chose you 'cause Tess

said you were compassionate.

And I chose you 'cause I didn't

think anybody else would do it.

I accept your little coaching job.

By the way, you had me at "felon."

Ahh!

Ah!

All right. Now, Ginger, you stepped

in and you had great position,

but you gotta box out strong.

Gotta put your butt in it good.

And, Florine, stop worrying

about your hair.

I have to go all the way

to Waco for my hair.

Those little girls over

at Maybelle's Beauty Parlor,

they have no idea what

to do with this hair.

All right.

Let's do this again.

And, Roxie, try to hit

the rim this time.

Well, I had no idea you were an

expert at reboundin', Coach.

Roxie Adams,

you are so effin' rude!

Excuse me! It's Roxie Rosales

for the past 27 years!

And what's rude is sleepin'

with other people's husbands!

It was 30 years ago,

and you weren't married.

I had a ring on my friggin' finger!

A class ring.

Oh, no, wait. Actually, it looked a

little bit more like a Cracker Jack ring.

Well, if you weren't out all

night parked with my Tito...

the night before

our big game at Elkhart,

we might've gone undefeated

senior year.

And maybe if you were eating more

Mr. Rosales and less Mr. Goodbar,

he wouldn't have looked elsewhere.

I am gonna rip those worn-out

nipples right off of you!

Bring it on!

Hey, hey, hey!

Don't touch me, girl!

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