The Hottie & the Nottie Page #5

Come, guys

Am l bleeding?

Only on the inside.

Cessna.

That's a beaut.

-Where?

-Right up there.

Johann's a pilot.

Of course he is.

Do you fly, Nate?

Yeah. Yeah.

l fly planes.

That's what l do.

You fly?

Yeah.

l mean, to and fro... by and by.

l like to do flips and uh

the tubelyoos and whatnot.

You're a stunt pilot?

Yeah...uh...not professionally, no.

l like to take the kids up

every once in a while.

-The kids?

-Needy children from the ghetto.

Yeah.

Most of the time it's the

first time they've ever flown.

Oh, god it's just...

to see their faces...

when the G forces hit them.

l just can't describe it,

you know.

lt's the most rewarding thing

l've ever done.

So let me get this straight.

You're not a professional pilot,

yet you risk the lives of children

by doing dangerous

stunts in mid air?

Uh...yeah...yeah.

ln my flying dream....

that l have.

Just a little game with the kids.

Didn't l mention it was a dream?

No, you didn't mention that.

Oh, yeah. l could see

how you guys all..

No. lt's-it's-it's

a great dream that l have

Just me and the kids.

Them riding on my back,

my wings out like an angel.

Like a...male heterosexual

angel in the wind.

-Are you done?

-Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Okay. Yeah.

Flying dreams.

l for one love flying dreams.

How often do you have these

heterosexual male angel

flying dreams, Nate?

Oh, l don't know June,

what's normal.

Once or twice a year.

Oh my god, me too.

And then there's

always that second

when you first wake up and you

actually believe it happened.

Do you guys ever get those?

Every night.

Every night?

l saw on Oprah that flying dreams

symbolize fearlessness.

You can accomplish anything.

Makes sense.

You must be extremely advanced

ln the soul level.

Even Oprah only has them

once in a while.

l don't know about my soul,

but l'm extremely advanced

in the body temperature level.

As the expression goes,

l'm sweating like a racehorse.

l believe the expression is:

l have to piss like a racehorse.

There was a scorpion on your back.

There's no scorpions out here.

Or it might have been a tick.

Now he's a mountaineering

stunt pilot?

Yeah.

We gotta figure out something

you're really good at.

Okay. Figure out

what l'm good at.

l don't know.

What am l good at?

You used to be good at climbing

the rope in gym class.

Okay.

Good at climbing rope.

But how am l going to work

that into the routine?

l don't know.

What did we used to do to

impress girls during recess?

Oh yeah. Yeah.

l could dance.

Of course, l'll have to leave out

the part that l wet myself.

-That's the best part.

-Okay.

What else you got in your arsenal?

What about the kazoo?

Remember, we used to rock

the kazoo at naptime.

Wait a minute.

l got the perfect thing.

What's the perfect thing?

Hello?

These old coffee houses remind me

of the swinging Sixties.

Hey, who wants to hear

some Cat Stevens?

Ooh, what a unique piece.

May l?

Uh, yeah.

Took a little damage.

Recently.

l'm sure we can make

this old lady sing yet.

Some day...

Some how...

You'll find...

You'll shine like the sun.

Some day...

Some how, you'll find...

You'll find...

What you've been...

Looking for...

Some day. Some...

Times, it's nice to see them...

...fireflies burning

the night away.

More. More.

Oh, it works.

lt's loud in here, huh.

Huh?

-lt's loud in here.

-Yeah. Yeah.

What's up with all the hats?

Oh, the Rogaine's working.

Yeah, it's just that weird

in between stage, so.

Cool.

Plus l'm trying to avoid being

attacked by any scorpion ticks.

Heard they were pretty common

around these parts.

This song is amazing.

l love this song.

Care to dance?

Ooh. l'm going to sit this out.

But yeah,

l'll hold that for you.

Back in the playground days,

l used to charm the ladies.

What's...

He stole my mojo.

Ooh, that was hard.

Come on, l did the collar thing.

l was telling her

l wanted to dance.

What did l do wrong?

What? We going to

let them show us up?

Come on. Don't you like it.

-Oh, yeah.

-lt's awesome.

lt's better than

what's out there.

l wish there was a prom

in the first grade...

... "cause l would have rocked it.

Stop it.

Hey we can tango, too, mama.

Come on.

Don't get dizzy now.

Another round?

Yes. Another round would be great.

Let's do another round.

Another round.

Wow, look at this.

Back in my country,

they call this Swissmania.

Ooh, the hands.

Oh, come on.

Come on.

One small scrap of dignity left.

-No.

-Okay, that's your cue.

Excuse me.

Step aside.

Excuse me.

l've known a lot of jealous men

in my life...

But you take the cake.

Well if Men's Abs in there would

just keep his damn clothes on.

He was hot!

Oh, he was hot.

He was sweating like a racehorse.

The man sweats urine.

Look just admit that he's hot.

Johann is hot.

Oh, so you're

attracted to Johann now.

ls that it?

No, l'm not.

But you are.

And why wouldn't you be?

He's some kind of

a damned pod person.

l don't blame you, okay.

He's perfect.

He's the male version of you.

Oh, so now l'm a pod person.

No.

You're just.

l mean, look at you.

You're out of my league.

You're in Johann's league...

And l can't compete with that.

You didn't have to compete.

l was with you.

l really liked you, Nate.

l thought you were different.

That you actually

wanted to help June.

And that you wanted to

get to know me.

l did want to help June.

And you know what?

l am out of your league.

You can't sing.

You can't dance.

You're a terrible athlete.

And a really crappy liar.

l took the time to

get to know you, Nate.

l really wish you did

the same with me.

Cris, Cris.

Hold on.

Look, l made mistakes.

l lied.

l'm not perfect.

But...it's still me.

You know?

Nate Cooper.

l'm sorry, Nate.

lt's over.

Oh, come on.

Here's your car, Loser.

When you just

can't hide your abs,

and that's why

everyone is looking for

a product that gives them the

most effective workout possible.

You see exercise should be

safe effective and fun.

And, of course get you results.

Time is one thing we all wish

we had more of.

Look at you.

You sad, sad man.

Well, l'm crashing

your pity party.

Oh, yeah,

it may be too late for me.

But there's still hope for you.

You dick!

l can hear you.

You're a foot away from me.

Look, okay.

There's going to be

a whole world of "ow' ...

... waiting for you if

you give up now, Nate.

lt's like what a wise

old lady once said.

lf you give up on your dream,

you die.

Are you quoting me Flashdance?

There's only one person

that can help you now.

She'll meet you

at Danny's Beachside Cafe

at five o'clock.

Five o'clock.

Hey.

June?

Yeah, that's what

they usually call me.

Your teeth.

Oh yeah.

Johann did the veneers yesterday.

What do you think?

Wow. You look so...normal.

Oh, l bet you say

that to all the girls.

Oh, my god. l'm sorry.

More evidence of my staggering

lack of insight into women.

No apology necessary.

l mean, come on

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