The Hottie & the Nottie Page #6

l think l look

a hell of a lot better.

Yeah l'd have to agree.

Wow, you look great.

Thanks.

Oh on my way over here

l'm not certain,

but l think l was cat called.

-Really?

-Yeah.

l mean, l know that for most women

that's a hideous daily occurrence,

but when the guy with the rattail

and the mullet did this thing...

where he put his hands like...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah...

l know it.

Okay, well anyway...

l looked all around...

and l realized l was

the only woman in sight.

l mean, he was talking to me!

l was so excited,

l almost went over and hugged him.

l swear to God.

You didn't, though, did you?

Please.

Even l have my standards.

l don't know, though,

he could have been the one.

So many rattails, no little time.

lt's like a shock to the system.

You have a whole new look.

Don't start.

Well, to be quite honest with you,

it's not exactly all mine.

l borrowed the top from Cristabel.

l thought there was

something about it...

... that made me

want to shoot myself.

Poor Nate.

Oh.

What?

Do l have a booger in my nose?

No...just...

l'm happy for you.

l'm happy for me, too.

Good.

l'm glad we agree on something.

Finally.

Hey, Randy.

Hey, Stan.

-Hey, Nate.

-Hi, Nate.

Here, l want you to try

-some of mine.

-Okay.

Just try it.

ls it better?

"Cause l think l got

the better one.

No, l got the better one.

You gave yourself the better one?

- Yeah.

- That's so unfair.

l'm the guest.

You didn't know and

l'm selfish, so.

That's a good point.

l wouldn't have known.

So, how's Johann?

Good... l don't know.

That was a steady decline.

Well, he hasn't

made a move yet, so...

l can't really tell

whether he likes me or not.

Anyway, what's to like, right?

What's to like?

Oh, come on,

what does that mean?

There's plenty to like.

Such as?

You can really hold your liquor.

Sarcasm will get you everywhere.

Let me ask you a question.

ls this pointless?

Am l ever going to have

another chance with Cristabel?

Oh...yeah. Of course you will.

Because um...because l'm...

l'm going to tell her

to give you another chance.

Our annual costume party

is a week from tonight...

...so you'll both be there.

Well, that's great.

Yeah.

And you're going to

be yourself for once.

-What's that supposed to mean?

-Please.

Listen, we've built this

friendship around trust.

l think we need to keep it there.

-All right.

-Okay.

Well, if we're both being

so honest...

Yeah.

Why don't you bring

your crappy car ...

and that guitar you clearly

don't know how to play.

Okay.

As long as you bring

that foxy yoga outfit...

with the granny panties

l love so much.

Don't make fun

God. l mean, who really

wants to go to a party...

... as the girl who's

never been kissed anyway.

What? No, that's not true.

l totally planted one on you

at the yoga place.

Are you out of your mind?

No, l'm not out of my mind.

That was not a kiss.

That was you falling into me.

That's what l did.

l got the---Okay, fine.

Oh...well...

l'm sorry. l, uh...

l don't know why l did that.

You don't know

why you did that.

-No.

-Right.

-June.

-l think you should just go, Nate.

June, listen,

l'm trying to figure---

Get out of here.

Before your girlfriend gets back.

Excuse me.

Traffic's heavy today.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

You better have insurance.

There's my girl.

Come on.

l want to show you off

to my friends.

Looking good, buddy.

Looking good.

Yeah, you too.

Oh, by the way,

l talked to Cristabel ...

and l smoothed everything over,

so she's really excited to see you.

Although l should warn you,

she's a little bit, you know.

Oh Coopie...

What can l say?

l've always wanted to be a bride.

Every little girl's dream, right?

Right.

You don't have to say a thing.

June told me what happened.

-She did?

-Yep.

You were just being protective

of my little Junie.

Yes, right.

l may have misjudged you,

Nate Cooper.

Oops.

Don't worry.

lt wasn't a smelly one.

l can tell by the way they sound.

That's good.

Sh*t!

Sorry.

...listen.

l read somewhere about white

wine getting out red wine.

Okay.

l don't know if that---

Oh, god.

lt's not working!

lt's not working!

lt's not working!

l have to go.

You know, l think Grace Kelly

and l need a minute.

-Come on.

-Bye.

Oh hey there, little buddy.

Just about to finish these pesto

gorgonzola torta rings.

Why don't you have a taste

and let me know what you think.

They're wonderful.

Of course.

Absolutely wonderful.

You're wonderful.

Everything you do is wonderful.

l've never seen June happier.

Thanks, pal.

Don't mention it.

lt was a lot of work, but once

l put my mind to something...

l always get what l want.

You know what?

Fine.

l'm happy for you guys, okay?

l was wrong.

You and June actually

make a great couple.

l know. lsn't she amazing?

Yeah.

Yeah, she really is.

Now that she's

got some confidence in herself

there are plenty of guys

who'd love to have her.

New teeth, hair

She's almost beautiful now.

Women like June are just

so much more...grateful.

Yeah, she worked hard.

And l think tonight,

it's finally time for her reward.

You know what l mean?

What's wrong?

Did l use too much basil?

Nate, what are you doing?

Deep breaths.

One one-thousand...

Two one thousand...

All right, everyone.

Party's over.

Out.

One grain of happiness.

One grain of happiness

in my entire life.

l understand you're upset.

But Johann happens to be the devil!

Shut up.

The night of date five,

when it's okay for

a consenting female adult

to have sex without

being considered slutty...

June.

The night l was going t

become a non-virgin

-and leave this freak fest behind.

-June. June, listen.

Shut up!

l helped you.

l could have shot you down

and Cristabel would never

have returned your calls.

He doesn't love you.

He said that you would be grateful.

l am grateful!

You don't get it, do you.

l don't know.

l've never even had a boyfriend.

He doesn't get you.

He doesn't deserve you.

Oh and you think people get

what they deserve in life.

You think they get

the fairy tale ending.

l don't know.

Maybe, yeah.

You know, if they're

not willing to compromise.

lf they're not willing

to settle for anything less.

Well, knowing what you are is

also knowing what you're not.

l'm not the girl ...

...the guy runs to,

to tell his feelings for,

all out of breath.

Why couldn't you be?

Because not everybody gets

that out of breath sort of moment.

That's okay.

Most of us are just happy...

... to date a guy

who brushes his teeth.

That's the thing

about fairy tales, Nate.

They're just not true.

Nate, she "s big girl.

Yeah. l understand that.

lt's sweet how protective

you've been...

...but if June wants to be

withJohann tonight...

...then that's

her decision to make.

Anyway, it's not like she agreed

to marry him or anything.

lt's just one night.

Well, somehow l don't take

comfort in that knowledge.

Relax, Nate.

You did it.

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