The House Bunny Page #3

"B. Y... M".

Bring your own man?

No. Bring your own mouse!

Which is better.

Because they're cute and they're little

and you can hold them.

And also, another thing that

I thought of was, you could dress them up.

It's the whole fun part of it,

is you can put them in little outfits.

You can make, like,

an Abraham Lincoln mouse.

And you could do like Joan of...

Why do everyone's eyes glaze over

when I talk about this?

Whoa. No.

No, they weren't glazing.

They were just taking a break.

Natalie, these are super,

super-great ideas.

Thank you. I worked really hard.

But we might wanna try

something a little more...

sexy.

Car wash. Come get your car washed.

Here we are at the Zeta House Car Wash.

I have a car,

and I'm great at washing it.

I am so offended right now.

Come on, guys,

let's give her a chance.

- Car wash.

- Car wash!

You said you needed to raise money.

Well, washing cars is a fun and sexy way

to make all the money that we need.

So, car wash!

Car wash.

We're having a car wash.

Car wash.

No, I can't bend that way.

Hey, watch this, guys.

Hi, guys.

Dude, that's wild.

Oh, my God. Shelley, that's Colby.

I'm in love with him.

Oh, that's so sweet.

How long have you guys been going out?

No. We are not going out.

I've never even talked to him.

And he's coming this way.

What do I do?

Do sexy.

Wash these cars, you sexy b*tches!

They are filthy. And so are you!

Did she just call us b*tches?

Did she just call us sexy?

Wash! Wash! Wash!

Wash! Wash! Wash! Wash!

- Hey, girls.

- Hi.

Okay, that's the first time

we've ever spoken, so... First time.

Hi!

We're just washing cars and being sexy.

Mostly sexy.

So, does anybody want a wet T-shirt?

- Yeah.

- R, you know, maybe some wet pants.

Someone went accident in her sexy pants.

So, anyway, we're having some drinks

over at Theta later.

- Theta.

- Totally.

You wanna come over?

Yes.

Well, we are a little thirsty.

Maybe you guys are, too.

Why don't you have a drink right now?

I'll take a little sip.

I am so sorry.

Thought I'd help you wash

the testosterone off your face, Colby.

Well, cool.

So, what time can we drop by for drinks?

Now that you mention it,

the guest list is looking pretty full.

So, maybe next time, all right?

Hey, Super-brace!

Il can. Il can.

Not cool, man. Let's go.

Come on, come on, let's go.

Well, I think we're done here,

sexy b*tches.

Thanks a lot, Mona.

The one chance I get to talk to Colby,

and you completely ruin it.

Yeah, because the whole

peeing-in-your-pants thing...

was really working out well for you.

Thank you.

My car's still dirty,

so I'll be out here if you need me.

Do you want a car wash?

Me?

Oh, no. No. I have a bike.

Besides, I gotta get back to work.

Oh, yeah. I know all about work.

I'm at work right now, actually.

Oh, do you wash cars?

No. I'm the Zeta Sorority Housemother.

You seem a little young

to be a housemother.

Really?

You think I'm young?

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

I'm sorry to invade your space,

but I needed that.

So, what's your job?

Oh... Job.

I manage a nursing home.

It's so great you give nurses

a place to live.

Actually, it's a nursing home

for senior citizens.

An old folks'... Id people.

Id people.

I know lots of old men.

Hairy and not hairy.

But I don't mean to brag.

So, they live there?

Like an orphanage for old people?

Well, yeah. I mean, that's one way

you could look at it. Yeah.

Their parents are gone,

and they live in a big building...

all by themselves,

wondering where everybody went...

and I think I'm gonna cry.

Listen, if you want, you know,

you could stop by the nursing home...

because we always need

volunteers to help out...

and visit with the old people...

if you're interested.

Yeah. I'd love to.

My name is Shelley.

And I like long walks and hate rude people.

Oh, that's good to know. I'm Oliver.

- Oliver.

- Yes.

I like taking long walks with rude people.

Only on short piers, though.

That's funny.

- You're funny.

- Thank you.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Guys.

Okay, this isn't my fault.

Don't like...

I know it was a disaster, but she's...

You guys, I just had the best idea

for our phila-tropy.

Philanthropy.

We are gonna volunteer

at Oliver's nursing home.

Who is Oliver?

He's this guy I just met.

He's really sweet.

And he's kind of cute, too.

Well...

I don't know if you guys can

recognize this, but Shelley is meeting guys.

And if she knows how to meet guys,

then we will learn how to meet guys.

Then more girls'll wanna hang out with us.

Hence, more pledges.

Yeah. Hence!

Okay, here's what we need to do.

We need to get all dressed up,

and then we need to go to a club...

and drink fruity drinks

and dirty-dance with each other.

- Why?

- To bond, y'old grumpy.

Yeah, y'old grumpy. To bond.

The music's playing.

Ur bodies are swaying.

You know what I'm saying?

You know? We could like play

some form of dodge ball, maybe.

We could tie our shoes together,

our tennis shoes...

and we could throw them

over telephone wires.

Because I see that everywhere...

and it seems like people would

have fun doing that.

Like, "How hard can you throw?"

You know what I mean? Like how...

What are you...

r we could go to a club.

Six Virgin Marys and one Kamikaze.

Here's to Zetas, to making you guys

the best sorority ever.

Oh, Mona, that guy is totally

checking you out.

- Go flirt with him.

- Right.

Think of it as research,

Mona. Research.

Get over there. Get on that horse!

Go, go. Go!

You like what you see, stud?

I'm not really sure

what I'm looking at, metalface.

Let me guess,

is it a Hannibal Lecter thing?

Yeah, it is.

There's a big box of cutesicles.

Carrie Mae, go work your magic.

The only magic I've ever done

was try to figure out a way

to stay in college for nine years

and not go back to my trailer park in Idaho.

So, figure out a way into his heart.

Just go over there

and talk to him about any old thing.

Excuse me,

you know where the crapper is?

I have to drop off some timber.

Go away.

What'd I do?

It's okay. It's just,

Carrie Mae, sometimes...

men like their women

with a little bit of mystery.

So, get back over there and try it again.

Excuse me.

You know where the crapper is?

I have to do a very mysterious thing

in there.

Drop off some timber.

I'm definitely not drunk enough

for that.

Well, this is good, though.

This is really good practice.

Hey, it's the Zetas.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I feel like we never see you guys out.

We never see them out, either.

I met you yesterday.

I was that homeless girl.

Now I'm their house mom.

Congratulations. That's awesome.

So, hey, you guys got here just in time.

We're doing a little karaoke contest.

Sororities versus fraternities.

Yeah, you guys can go next if you want.

Yeah! Come on!

Oh, girls! Always say "yes" to karaoke.

Yeah, we'll pick a great song for you.

Don't worry,

you can't be any worse than we were.

- Seriously, we were wretched.

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