The House Bunny Page #4

- Awful.

- I don't know.

- Oh, okay. Okay, listen.

Just give me a second.

I promise the Zetas are going up on stage.

Awesome. Great.

You guys, karaoke is so fun!

You gotta get up there and do karaoke.

Boys like singing. It's sexy.

Go! Go! Get up there! Go! Go!

I think we can do it.

We can do anything better

than those mannequins, you guys.

I might puke, but let's do it!

That's the spirit!

All right! Get up there, you Bravehearts!

All right, that was Kappa Eta Sigma!

Next up, the Zetas?

Singing Like A Virgin.

I made it through the wilderness...

Somehow I made it through...

Didn't know how lost I was

Until I found you...

I was beat, incomplete...

I'm a hag and I'm fat and rude...

But you made me feel...

Yeah, you made me feel...

Like a big bag of poop

Like a loser

We're rejected all the time

Like a loser

Who's so retarded, it's a crime

Like a...

That was not nice.

Awesome.

You wanna get cut, b*tch?

Oh, classy. Very classy.

No, no, no, no, she's right, Courtney.

I mean, we should apologize.

Especially since we're

about to take their house.

- Oh, right.

- Where are you taking it?

Well, we heard that you were

losing your charter,

so Phi lota Mu is gonna buy your crappy

house when it goes on sale after rush.

Yes, we are going to have so many pledges,

we'll need all of the extra space.

Oh, but don't worry.

I mean, we'll still let you guys

stay on and be the maids.

You can sweep the chimney.

Won't that be nice?

Does the little one understand human talk?

Oh, and I guess

that when we buy your house,

you'll go back to being homeless.

I'm a housemother.

A Zeta housemother, and I don't like

some of the things you were saying.

Because they do understand human talk,

and you hurt their feelings.

Oh, Shelley, come on.

It's not worth it, let's go.

Yeah, you should go.

It was so nice to see you.

But I really think that...

- So nice.

- So nice.

That was so humiliating, you guys.

I know it was awful.

And I am so mad

that they did that to you guys,

but we can't listen to those girls.

Why? They're right. We are losers.

Oh, we're not losers.

You just ignore that dumb old wall.

Well, you're not a loser, Shelley.

People like you. You're pretty.

I just don't understand

that kind of behavior.

Trust me.

You guys, I can make you way hotter

than any old Phi lota Mu.

By the time I'm done, every girl

on campus'll want to pledge Zeta.

No, really, we are just a bunch of misfits.

Lilly just texted me from the closet.

She says we're not misfits.

Well, I hope she was being ironic.

Go, go, go, go, go!

- Are we doing this?

- Do it!

- All right.

- Here.

You can do this.

If I thought you all were quitting...

My heart would just fall out of my head.

Shelley, your heart is not in your head.

Your heart has its own cavity.

Right under your fake b*obs.

Do you understand how moronic you sound...

when you say your heart is gonna fall

out of your head?

Well, Mona...

I totally understand

why that saying sounds mixed-up...

but I don't mean it for real.

I don't think that my heart

is in my skull.

What I mean is that sometimes

logic tells you to do something...

but you have to have part

of your heart in it as well.

My head and my heart tell me

that we can save Zeta.

We need 30 pledges,

and I know just how to do it.

By making you guys

the hottest girls on campus.

I'll get it.

- Does that say "Zeta"?

- Yeah.

This is war.

Enough is enough.

Let's do this. There's no way

those b*tches are getting our house.

Okay, ladies,

dressing sexy is all about skimplifying.

I want you to show skin

in the four major regions.

Arms, legs, belly and cleavage.

Is this how you skimplify?

Oh, okay. Well, maybe we could let

someone who doesn't have a giant baby...

in their belly give it a try.

Okay, this is your most important

secret weapon, the water bra.

Just stay away from sharp corners.

This is going too far.

No. No way. No.

Just consider it like

another thesis topic, you know?

"Conventional Archetypes of Beauty

and Their Effect on the pposite Sex".

Are you sure that's everything?

Because feeling good on the inside

is all about looking good on the outside.

Go ahead and keep that one.

There are three rules

to successful flirtation.

Eye contact,

flattery and lots of touching.

For example, let's pretend

that Natalie here is a man.

I'm touching his arm,

I'm looking deep into his eyes...

and I'm wearing deodorant.

Carrie Mae?

I know.

And I might say something like this.

"h, my gosh.

Your biceps are huge. Kiss me".

And then he would kiss me.

So, any questions?

What do I do with my chew?

How long would the kiss usually be?

And, also, why would he kiss you,

because you...

kay, ladies,

today's lesson is makeup.

First, we must highlight your eyes.

The eyes are the nipples of the face.

Whoa.

Wow.

So this is what it feels like

to not be invisible.

We weren't exactly invisible before,

just the anti-hot.

Check out Joanne.

I really like what you've done

with the Bedazzler.

- Thank you.

- It's nice.

So what's next, Shelley?

I want all the fraternities to see

how hot you guys are.

Kind of like a coming-out party.

So we are gonna take some pictures.

Oh, we are not posing for Playboy.

No, in a calendar".

The Girls of Zeta".

Everyone will see the new you,

and selling the calendars will help us

raise money for our phil-an-coppopopy.

Hey, you guys, Lilly just texted me.

She says we look hot and this is fun.

Keep doing that, keep doing that.

Make love to the camera.

I saw that in Austin Powers.

Yeah, work it. Think really sexy witch.

- Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

- A good witch.

I think you're a bad witch.

I bet the house that falls on you

is gonna be a sexy house.

Work it. Work it.

You're like a supermodel,

except more pregnant. Keep going.

Okay, Henry, very glad you finally learned

how to use the suggestion box.

And I want to let you know

that I got your message...

you want less Boggle and more bingo.

So I'm gonna work on it, okay?

Whoa.

Okay, what's going on with your heart?

Shelley, you're here.

- Move out of the way, man.

- Move it, Junior.

- Sideways.

- Sorry, sorry.

- Hi.

- Hi.

We brought a donation

as part of our philtrophy.

Oh, great. Thank you.

We're making calendars...

and before we could even

get them all out...

the printing-press guys bought up

the first batch.

Wow. Great, thank you very much.

This is,

"Pay to the order of old People".

Yes, and it doesn't stop there.

I hope you don't mind, but I brought a few

extra volunteers to help out today.

Henry, Henry, look away. Look away, okay?

Look at the wall.

Think of broccoli and bad bingo cards.

You know, actually, your timing is perfect,

because I was about to try

and organize a dance class.

Nobody signed up.

And I was at the top of the list

not signing up.

There ain't no way I'm dancing.

You can forget that.

Oh, I love to dance.

Well, let's do it.

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