The House Bunny Page #5

Okay, ladies, fan out and find a partner.

And maybe we should talk

about this music.

Wow, this music is super, super-great,

but we might want to try

something a little sexier.

Great job, ladies.

Shelley, I just wanna thank you so much

for doing this.

It's just so kind.

Oh, well, kindness is just love

with its work boots on.

Hey, Oliver, ask the girl to dance.

- I'd love to.

- Really?

Looking good, Jean.

So, listen, Shelley, I was wondering

if maybe you'd like to have dinner sometime.

Really? Yes. Yeah.

Great.

- Bitchsuck!

- Sorry. I'm sorry.

Oh, it's all good.

I'm so glad to be back.

Marvin, tell Shelley we're back

and we're gonna be watching a movie.

How about something spooky? No, funny.

No. How about Scarface?

No, you guys, I think it should be

Shelley's pick tonight.

Mr. Hefner, Shelley's actually gone.

She told me to give you this letter.

Shelley moved to Africa

to work with the orphans.

She left while we were gone...

because she says

she can't deal with goodbyes.

I'm going to bed.

No movies tonight.

You look nervous.

I don't like when you look nervous.

You will not blow this!

But I just wanna mix drinks.

You know, my whole life,

that's all I've ever wanted to do...

is just blend.

And then you come along with your weird

kryptonite death grip, and...

- That's right, it's like this.

- Oh, good God!

Oh, sweet bastard, that's good.

That's right, and I'm the only woman

that can make you feel like that.

You will not tell Hef

that we wrote that letter to Shelley.

- Just do it again.

- Got it?

- Yeah, I got it, I got it. So I got it.

- Good.

Hi. I'll take two calendars.

Wow. That's so generous.

Everyone's been buying two.

Actually, it's in case one gets ruined.

Hot dogs, Zeta hot dogs. Who wants one?

You. You. You got one.

Sweet setup here.

We should totally have a mixer

with you guys sometime.

Yeah.

We could have one with Battle...

What? Ne more time.

We could have a Battlestar Galactica night.

With pudding!

Definitely! What?

Battlestar Galactica. kay.

She said that you guys should get together

some night, with pudding.

Whoa.

You betcha. You betcha.

At Phi lota Mu we are very exclusive,

because we can be.

Many of our sisters are leaders on campus.

We have a rocking GPA

and our very own Korean manicurist.

Hey, where are you guys going?

- Whose booth is that?

- That's Zeta's booth.

Don't be ridiculous.

Why would they have a booth?

And who would go to it?

- Do you want some ketchup?

- That'd be great.

I can totally hose you some right there.

Go ahead, lean back.

No, I'm just...

- Excuse me.

- Why, did you fart?

- Did I do what?

- Fart.

Where are the Zetas?

We are the Zetas, 2008 edition.

And I'm in love!

Why'd you do that?

I needed to hurt someone.

This is so awesome, you guys.

That was so much fun!

It was, it was.

Harmony, Brian Stone was all over you, girl.

- And how about Mona?

- What?

I got numbers from four boys.

It was all for research.

Liar.

- Careful what you research.

- But I really had fun.

Well, Natalie, Colby was

following you around like a puppy dog.

Do you guys think you'll, you know...

No.

I do not think, you know, that.

"That"?

Natalie, are you a virgin?

No.

Am I a virgin? No.

You're a virgin!

Shelley! It's like an

amphitheater in here!

That's it.

Oh, my gosh.

We have to have an Aztec party.

We always wanted

to have one at the Mansion...

but we could never find

a virgin to sacrifice.

Natalie, it is gonna be

the best time ever.

We are gonna have the most rockingest

party, and then we'll get our 30 pledges.

Okay, quick trick, watch this.

We are gonna put little trails

of Vaseline on the contours of our abs...

mist it a little, and that way

the light will catch our tans.

Oh, she says

you're completely ingenious, Shelley.

Thank you, Lilly.

That's the same as vapid, right?

Oh, it's better than vapid.

- Is that Juicy?

- Yeah, I love their stuff.

It's a shame nobody'd be able to see it,

you know, under my brace.

Well, when can you take the brace off?

Well, it's a good thing I asked.

No, I'm so fine, I mean, you know,

it's all indented into me

and, you know, if I took it off, I wouldn't

even know what would possibly happen...

and my spine could be like a noodle. And...

I'm really good. I'm good. Thanks.

Come with me.

Joanne, when I was little,

I wore a Scooby-Doo mask to school...

for a whole month

because I thought I was ugly.

- Thanks, guys.

- You're welcome.

And then one day

a boy, Howard Rubenstock...

snuck up behind me

and tore it off my face.

- Do you know what I realized?

- That you were pretty?

No, that I was wearing it upside down.

I'm not really sure

what you're trying to tell me, Shelley.

I'm not either. But the point is,

you're a butterfly now, not an earthworm.

You don't need to hide anymore.

So, okay, here he comes.

He runs past here every day,

and I've seen you staring at him.

I can tell that you like him

and that you want to talk to him.

Today's the day.

Go invite him to our party.

Go. Go.

Run, Joanne, run!

Hi, Steve.

Oh, hey, Joanne. How are you?

I didn't know you ran.

Sure, I mean, I do now.

Where's your brace?

- It's gone.

- Really?

Well.

You're pretty pleased with yourself,

aren't you?

Oh, you scared me.

My heart's pounding like a nail.

I guess I am a little proud.

Well,

don't get too used to that feeling.

Because there's no way that I'm going

to let a whorey little tart like you...

stand in the way of the Phi lota Mu.

Don't mess with me.

Don't mess with Phi lota Mu.

Man! Someone needs a mani-pedi

massage combo, pronto.

- Shelley!

- Oh, my...

Steve said he's gonna come

to the Aztec party.

Steve, he's gonna come.

Yay! This is gonna be so much fun!

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- God! Oh, my God!

- Yes!

- Hey, you guys! Look.

Oh, Joanne.

I can bend! You guys, I did it,

I can bend!

"Do you find yourself more attracted

to me when I'm like this...

"or like this?"

- The second one.

- Great.

So, "Because you like my b*obs...

"would you stand there

and let me go like this...

"for five minutes,

just in the hope that we might hook up?"

Yes. Yes, I would.

Guys! Anybody want some chips?

Yeah, have chips while you party.

Badass party. Badass.

So, Miss December,

you got your bikini on under there? Huh?

No, actually, just my fake water...

Natalie, there you are.

Oh, Bobby and Zach from Kappa are just

dying to meet you.

I'm sorry, Colby,

but Natalie is a very hot commodity.

- Excuse us.

- Wait.

Wait a second.

- Are we leaving?

- Yes.

Why?

I have, like,

the world's hugest crush on him.

So I don't really...

I know. Then we need to let him see

how in demand you are.

Always remember,

boys want what other boys want.

Right.

Are you Lilly?

That's a cute costume, Lil.

I was gonna ask you this,

because I've been seeing these all over.

I mean, this is an Aztec party...

you know, so those statues don't really fit,

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