The House Bunny Page #7

for a bit.

I could stay with you.

No, just bring me more ice cream.

Egg! Paprika!

Nutmeg! Who cares? Who cares?

What have I done to poor Shelley?

You're not gonna tell him, are you?

No. You can't.

I'm gonna be the next Miss November,

not that little blonde b*tch.

You found my weakness,

used it against me like kryptonite...

but that's never gonna happen again.

"oh, Mr. Hefner.. ".

Guys, remember, we only need 30, okay?

First up,

Kristen Withers.

Pre-med, family in Greenwich.

- Yeah, so cute.

- I like.

Cute, cute. Totally.

- No doubt.

- Very cute.

- In.

- Guys...

We just made our first pledge acceptance.

Okay, cool. All right. Next up, Jill Palmer.

Colorado, theater major...

Her father owns, like, half of Aspen.

- Yes.

- Yeah!

Why am I such a yummy dummy?

Next one.

Nancy Nagle. English major from Florida.

But she does drive a Porsche.

I just don't know about this one.

I kind of feel like we've created this image.

I just don't feel like

she's gonna fit in.

I'm just saying, she should have spent

the Porsche money on a nose job.

She said she broke it in a skiing accident

last year, and I'm like...

"kay, I'm sure the nose surgeon would

take the Porsche as a trade-in".

Booya! Snap!

Hello?

Hey, Shelley, it's me.

- Hef?

- Yeah.

Hef? Oh, is this you? Oh, my gosh.

How are you?

Like, I can't believe you're calling me.

How is everybody at the Mansion?

How are things?

Good news. I'm gonna make you

next month's centerfold.

You're making me Miss November?

- That's right.

- Oh, my gosh.

Are you totally serious,

or is this not Hef?

If this is Hef, blink once.

If it isn't Hef, blink twice.

Did you blink?

I'm so glad you haven't changed,

Shelley.

And I want you to move

back to the Mansion.

It's just not the same

without you here.

Hef, I just can't believe it.

Believe it, baby.

Okay, here's what happens.

We shoot the pictorial, we'll have you do

a 25-city tour of the United States.

And then from there

we're gonna travel Europe...

ending with a one-week stay in Monaco.

We're gonna coordinate

your pictorial...

with a Playboy Channel documentary

on the life of a centerfold.

The exposure's going to be wonderful,

but it doesn't stop there.

We're going to pull out all the stops

for this one, Shelley.

It's going to be huge.

Hef?

Yeah, baby?

Hef, I'm so sorry.

I'm so happy that you called me.

And I love you,

but I don't think I can do it.

I can't leave my Zeta girls.

What?

I'm not going anywhere.

I'm home.

Katootoo Jihiman.

Sociology major from India. Everyone?

I remember this one.

She seems kind of weird.

I actually got that, too.

Not like an "I live in the wall

and eat crickets" kind of weird...

but just like a little off.

- Boo to Katootoo.

- Next.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Lilly?

Look at you people!

Honestly,

is this really what you've become?

Judging other girls on their appearance?

Calling them weird?

I'm sure glad I joined when I did,

because honestly...

I don't think

I would make the cut these days.

And neither would a lot of you.

I can't believe that Zeta's become

just like Phi lota Mu.

A bunch of snooty b*tches!

Lilly, you talked.

And you're British?

Hi, everybody. I'm home.

This is all your fault.

Yeah. You know what, Mona?

You're right.

It all started with this fake hair

and your stupid water bras.

You know what?

Before you got here, we were individuals.

You've turned us all into stupid bimbos.

- We were fine the way we were.

- We look ridiculous.

- I'm getting Cs in all my classes.

- Why am I looking like this?

This isn't who I am.

I can't believe

you let me do this to myself.

Guys, stop. Come on, stop, stop.

Guys.

I understand, and I'm sorry.

So I...

Thank you guys for everything.

I'm gonna go, and I really hope

to see you guys in the future.

Shelley.

Hi, Hef, it's Shelley.

I was just kidding, silly.

I can't wait to be back

at the Mansion and be a centerfold.

This is the happiest day of my life.

Dear Oliver...

I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you

this in person.

It was way too embarrassing

to face you after everything.

I am leaving the Zeta house

to fulfill my lifelong dream.

And I know that what I've decided to do

won't make any sense to you at all...

but I have joined the Peace Corps...

and I'm going off to work in the mountains

of a country called Peru.

I'm going to meet lots

of interesting people.

I'm sure it'll be very hot

where I'm going.

And even though it's going to be super-hot,

I will be bundled up in clothes,

barely showing any flesh.

I only tell you that because

I don't want you to worry...

about me getting sunburned.

Hef told me what you did, and I don't think

it was very sisterly of you.

You are so vapid.

Actually, I'm ingenious and philanthropic,

and you're a backstabbing b*tch.

- Nice, Shelley. That was awesome.

- Shelley!

I hope everybody at the old folks' home

is doing great.

And as for the Zeta girls,

I'm sure they're doing fine.

Oliver, I hope you think of me

every once in a while, and when you do...

I hope they are good thoughts.

Pooter!

Love, Shelley.

There you are.

So we'll be half Shelley

and half who we really are.

Can we be 60% Shelley?

I mean, say what you want about her,

but the girl had style.

- What?

- "She had style"?

She still does. I mean, she just wants

to be back at the Playboy Mansion.

Well, whatever we're gonna be,

we need to figure out, you guys.

We still need 30 pledges by ctober 15th,

or we can just kiss it all goodbye.

Who wants to be a part of something real?

Zeta.

Hi. Zeta. Tell 29 of your friends.

Listen up, ladies! Zeta was founded

on the tenets of sisterhood,

friendship and philanthropy.

Here you go.

Yeah, and since then, we've added some

pretty kick-ass parties to the list.

Yeah, but instead of judging

and rejecting...

we'll put all the pledges we get

into a bowl, and we'll draw 30 names out.

Natalie? What'd you do to your hair?

- I could change it back.

- Why?

Everyone gets haircuts.

People have lots of different styles

all over the world.

In China, they usually tend

to layer it, I've noticed.

This isn't China, though. So, I just...

You know, I could put it back to how it was.

Oh, no, no. Why, why, why? You look great.

- I do?

- Yeah.

Well, I mean, you looked great before,

with the hair.

But, I mean, this feels more you.

I mean, besides, it's not like

I want you to be my girlfriend...

just because of your hairstyle. So...

Your girlfriend?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...

It's kind of presumptuous.

It's like, "Hey, you wanna be

my girlfriend? Sit next to me".

No, no. I mean,

you don't wanna be my girlfriend.

You got guys falling from trees for you,

and it's like...

Here I am, just a goofy dude.

"Goofy dude"?

Colby, I want to be your girlfriend more

than an electron wants to attach to a proton.

- That much?

- Yeah.

Yeah?

What? What?

Did I mess that up?

Because I can do that so much better.

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