The Hungover Games Page #3

that the purpose

of this competition

is to kill people, yeah.

So that was

technically

not a hate crime.

Lm not a racist.

I got like eight black guys

on my fantasy football team.

I mean,

not the quarterback

obviously,

thats a thinking mans

position.

Seriously?

(SHUDDERS)

Oh, no, not this!

F*** this! Go!

Whatever.

(ALL GROAN)

F***, f***, f***!

F***, f***, f***!

F***, f***, f***!

F***, f***, f***!

F***, f***, f***!

F***, f***, f***!

I just watched

Django get kerb-stomped

by a teddy bear,

two of our friends are MIA,

and, oh, did I mention,

did I mention this,

that my mouth

still tastes like sh*t!

All right, dude,

quit being a baby.

My ass still hurts, too.

You dont hear me

whining about it.

It just wont go away.

BOTH:
Oh!

Whats happening, honkies?

What the hell?

That Asian guy!

Really?

What?

Oriental man cannot practise

acrobatics in the woods?

You racist a**holes

think lm Viet Cong

or something?

Wait, why the f***

are you here?

We had a sick night

last night.

I still hungover.

Just tell us what

the f*** happened, okay?

You mean you dont remember?

No.

Human Centipede, b*tches!

Whats a Human Centipede?

Human Centipede only

the greatest idea ever.

You sew a chain of people

from a**hole to mouth hole.

You share the same

digestive system.

Check it out.

We sh*t brothers!

Oh!

I was the middle.

No!

What the f***? F***!

Why would we do

that f***ing...

Thats disgusting!

You have really potty mouth.

You get it?

Potty mouth!

Because your mouth was potty.

(GAGGING)

Just let it out, man.

(LAUGHING)

Wait, hold on.

I was in the front,

so I didnt eat any sh*t?

Nope.

You were total party pooper.

Literally.

(CHUCKLING)

Well, thats a relief, huh?

ED:
Thats disgusting.

(YAWNING)

Lts getting really late.

You know what they say,

early to bed,

early to Human Centipede.

I gotta go Human Centipede

with the Olsen twins.

Theyve done it before.

See you gay boys later.

Lets find

a place to sleep, buddy.

Its been a long day.

Oh, Jesus!

I didnt eat corn.

Yeah, I did.

(GROANING)

Sh*t,

human sh*t inside me.

Hey, man,

weve all been there.

Really?

F***, no,

lve never been there.

Its the most disgusting

thing lve ever heard.

(CRYING) It is real gross.

Hey, sh*t-for-breath,

be quiet for a second.

Look over there.

Someones got a fire going.

Thats dumb.

Yup.

MAN:
I appreciate

the spirited conversation,

gentlemen,

but we all know

theres no debate.

I am the weirdest

of all the Depps.

I mean,

for fucks sake,

lm a pirate

who sashays round

like a bloody poof.

And what of you there,

top hat?

Well,

I do have my fair share

of psychological issues.

My speech patterns

mirror those of

sexual molesters.

I keep a bunch of

dwarves as my slaves.

And I masturbate

in the chocolate.

(GIGGLES)

Every single batch.

I think I might puke.

(WHISTLES)

Nice work, Tonto.

Say good night, weirdos.

A bloody smoke signal!

You f***ed us,

you bloody Native!

Tonto sick of white man.

Yes,

but were all Depps, mate!

Tonto

especially sick of Depps.

Are you gonna

rape and murder us?

TEDDY:
Keep it in your pants,

Scissorhands.

Me next!

Me next!

If you dont mind,

I prefer it in

a chocolate factory.

Thats brutal.

Now thats what I

call a deep throat.

That means a dozen gone

in the first eight hours,

Stephen A.,

and I think I smell

an alliance forming.

What the f*** do you mean,

an alliance?

If its supposed to be

every man for themself,

they aint gonna

create no f***ing alliance.

Theyre gonna be out there

killing each other.

That dont make

no goddamn sense!

I know.

I can barely keep myself

from killing you, Stephen A.

Cant fault you there.

THOR:
That creepy,

pale guy was bananas!

B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

TEDDY:
Hey, Thor, we get it.

You like cock.

F***, dude.

Dont stay here,

dont stay here,

dont stay here.

Anyway, guys, lm pooped.

What say we just

stay here for the night?

ZACH:
Do you guys think

theres a Chilis out here?

Lll settle for an Applebees,

but it would be grudgingly.

What the f*** is

he doing with them?

I think hes looking

for a reasonably priced

casual dining restaurant.

Thor?

Awesome Blossom?

Tonto?

Jalapeno poppers?

Something for you, Bloody?

If you talk to me again,

I will murder

your whole family

and terrorise

whatever little Podunk town

you come from, you hear me?

Okay, more fully loaded

potato skins for me then.

How about a bear claw?

Maybe a bun

for the wiener?

All right,

table for six, seven.

Ladies?

You know, I dont think

we fit the dress code.

Oh, its a Chilis.

You guys will be fine.

I kill him now, yes?

No.

Lets lock him in

a burning gymnasium

and wait till his

guttural screams

slowly fade away.

TEDDY:
Easy, Scary.

We need to keep

that fat sack of

Aspergers alive for now.

Hes our best shot at finding

those two other f*** nuggets.

Would you guys shush already?

I need to get my beauty sleep.

(GROANS)

Lm never gonna be

able to sleep now.

Lm gonna have

insomnia for sure.

(SIGHS)

This was the worst day ever.

(SNORING)

What the...

Sh*t!

Jesus! Shut up, Ed.

Got hit with

a f***ing boulder.

Hey!

She seems friendly.

What are you nodding at?

I dont...

Use your f***ing words!

She wants us to

saw the hive off

so that it falls

onto them below.

GIRL:
No f***in sh*t.

Vulgar little child.

Oh, I have

a Swiss Army knife.

Okay.

Uh, hey, you know,

lm not really athletic.

Do you mind just

climbing up there?

Take one for the team?

Come on.

Nice.

Oh, snap! Now looky here.

Them

motherfucking hungover honkies

got a trick up their sleeve.

Is that a Swagger

Jacker nest, Skip?

Correct, you are.

Now these guys are

gonna have to be careful.

Swagger Jackers

are no ordinary bees.

They are

genetically engineered wasps

that when they sting you,

they drain your bodys

natural swagger supply.

In other words,

they make you

a straight b*tch.

Precisely.

And just a few stings

can prove lethal.

Lm crossing my fingers, Skip.

Me, too.

I know you arent trying

to cut down our nest!

Does that hurt?

Yes, it hurt!

Dude, dont be a p*ssy.

Saw!

(SNORING)

Oh, God.

Theyre not gonna

sleep in much longer.

Hurry up, man!

(SWAGGER JACKERS CHATTERING)

Hurry up!

Get away from the nest,

jerk-off!

TEDDY:

Flew in my f***ing hole!

(SHRIEKING)

TEDDY:
Oh, sh*t!

Got a bee in my cock.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Oh, Jesus.

Hey, you okay?

A couple of Swagger

Jack-offs stung me.

(SLURRING)

But lm good.

Hey, hey, hey, sure?

You dont look too good.

I dont feel too good.

No, no, no, no!

Bradley!

Lm coming for you!

You guys see that?

(SCREAMING)

Sh*t! Sh*t!

This chubba has

literally no swag.

Hey! I was looking

all over for you guys!

(ALL GROANING)

BRADLEY:

God, my face hurts.

Oh, I can feel my

heartbeat in my ears.

Its throbbing.

Its really loud.

Hey. Does my head look weird?

Lts so loud.

No.

But your body is super tiny.

It is?

Your body is super tiny,

man.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes