The In-Laws Page #3

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- My in-law.|- Hello, dear.

This is some great dentist you have here.|You're a very lucky lady.

- Yeah, I know.|- No kidding?

I didn't expect to see you.

I was just in the neighborhood and|I thought I'd stop up and say howdy-do.

- Is there anything I can do for you?|- No, just wanted to say hello.

- Come on back in my office.|- I don't wanna intrude.

No intrusion. Mrs. Adelman, sit tight.|Don't clench.

- Do what the doc says.|- Vince!

- You're very sweet.|- Vince!

That's a wonderful patient|you got there. Very fine lady.

You know her?

No, but I could tell|she's a woman of real quality.

- The inner sanctum, huh?|- Yeah.

Remember that show on the radio,|The Inner Sanctum?

Boy, I never missed it.

- Do you understand Latin, Sheldon?|- Yeah, a little.

You know what all this means?

Yeah, it means...

...I won't get arrested|for impersonating a dentist.

That's very funny.|"Lmpersonating a dentist."

That's very cute.

Oh, dear.

Well, I'm really glad|you stopped by, Vince.

I feel we're practically family now.|I'd like to feel close.

Anytime you're in the neighborhood.

That's very kind of you.|I won't abuse the privilege.

I'm not one of those guys who...

...you give them an inch...|- No, no, anytime.

Oh, wonderful.|Gee, but I can see how busy you are.

- Gosh, the waiting room is filled.|- I have a good practice.

Looks like an absolute gold mine.

- You keep hopping, huh?|- Yeah. Yeah.

If I were to ask you to leave the office|for a couple minutes...

...that wouldn't be possible,|would it?

Well, it would depend.

What about right now?

What about right now, what?

Could I borrow you for a couple|of minutes?

- Right now?|- Would it be terribly inconvenient?

Please say so if it is.

I thought,|because it was around lunch...

- Vince, it's 9:
00 in the morning.|- You never take an early lunch?

I have a lot of patients out there.|Could you tell me what you want?

Such a minor thing, gosh,|I'm so embarrassed.

I hate to ask, it's just that...

...I need a hand for maybe five minutes.|- Five minutes?

I got a cab waiting downstairs.|Five minutes, tops.

I'd really like to help you out...

...but I have two impacted molars|and a gold crown. I'm all backed up.

Well, listen, what the hell,|I can do it myself. You're so busy.

Can't this wait till this afternoon?|I'll be off around 5.

No, no. I can manage. I don't wanna|make a federal case out of this.

This is really important to you?

It would be so helpful, you can't|imagine. Like I say, it's no big deal.

What the hell,|I never get out of here anyway.

What's five minutes|for a member of the family?

Shel, this is just stupendous of you.|And you might even enjoy it.

- Where we going?|- Over to my office.

I want you to break into my safe.

The Eagle has landed. What now?

Just put your flashers on and stay put.

Are we still moving?

No, the cab's stopped.|We're on West 31 st Street.

Did we hit the little boy|on Sixth Avenue?

No, we missed him|by a good foot and a half.

Okay, now, this is the combination|to the safe. And the key to the office.

And the safe is behind|the picture of President Kennedy?

So I open the safe, take out a black bag|and I come back here to the cab?

- With the bag.|- With the bag.

And there might be two guys outside|the front who should not see the bag?

It's a possibility.

Who are these guys?|What, are they after you or what?

You got a terrific imagination, Shel.

No, these are like competitors.

And if they see me with this black bag,|then I lose my competitive edge.

- That's all.|- Macy's and Gimbel's.

That's a terrific example, Shel.|Really.

Let's get this over with.

- Shelley?|- What?

- I'll never forget this.|- Good.

- I'll stand still.|- Excuse me very much.

- Doc, making a house call?|- Yes. One of those emergencies.

That door never opens. Use this one.

Awfully nervous, isn't he?|Keeps dropping things.

- You think that...?|- Maybe. Come on.

That's it.

Pretty cute, using a doc.

Very nice. Very nice.

Four years at Mount Holyoke|so she can marry into this.

"To Vince.|Well, at least we tried.

Thanks for everything.|Yours, John F. Kennedy."

Is that Vince?

- Nothing personal. Strictly business.|- No, I'm not him.

He's my in-law. Look, here's my card.

Goddamn. You take the fire escape,|I'll take the stairs. Go!

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God!

There's no reason to shoot at me!|I'm a dentist!

What is this show?

Are you kidding, man?|The Price is Right.

This is the all-American|game show.

They're supposed to guess|what all that crap is worth?

Yeah. Right.

May I have some milk, please?

- Is this coffee freeze-dried?|- Yes, it is.

It's very good.

- How long's this show been on the air?|- Since about 1911.

Hey, I can't believe you never heard|of The Price is Right.

I don't see much TV.|I'm out of the country a lot.

- Really? What do you do?|- I work for the CIA.

Hey! Emergency! Open the door!

This is an emergency.

- I can't believe you work for the CIA.|- Why not?

I don't know. I mean, you know,|I thought, like, James Bond.

No. They all look like me.|I'm the classic agency type.

Muscular, low to the ground,|compact.

Are you interested in joining?|The benefits are fantastic.

The trick is not to get killed.|That's the key to the benefit program.

God, don't let me die|on West 31 st Street.

Vince!

Hey, your friend is back.

Help!

We square with you?

Give me the bag.

Don't shoot.

Give me that bag!

Sheldon?

Shelley?

Shel, you all right?

Hey, watch out!

We gotta get out of here.|Shel, give me your hand.

Cabby, we're going on.

I'm sorry it turned out this way.|I had no idea...

- How could you? I almost got killed!|- I know.

You have dinner at my house,|drag me out of my office...

...then set me up to get killed!|- I'd like to explain.

No explaining!|Just get out of my life!

- I understand.|- You don't understand anything!

I understand that you are a raving|lunatic, and I want you out of my life!

- I sympathize with...|- I want you out of my life!

I'd like to oblige,|but I have a conscience.

- Go away!|- I can't...

- Don't talk to me.|- I feel terrible.

- Go away!|- His wonderful daughter...

...is marrying my son|the day after tomorrow.

- I want to congratulate you.|- Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm sorry for being late, Mrs. Raymond.|I'll get to you as soon as I can.

Mrs. Adelman,|you've been still the entire time.

Can you close your mouth?|Can you bite down?

Mrs. Adelman cannot close her mouth!|She cannot bite down!

This is why we have to talk.

- What is that?|- To be perfectly candid, Shel...

...these are engravings for U.S. Currency|stolen yesterday from the U.S. Mint.

Now, the thing we have|to talk about...

...is your unwitting participation|in this serious federal crime...

...punishable by a maximum sentence|of 40 years in a federal penitentiary.

You can rinse now, dear!

Stack it up, on this side of the furnace.|That way, it'll be easy to get at.

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