The In-Laws Page #4

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- Day after tomorrow, huh?|- Don't mention it. There's a lot to do.

Anything we can do to help,|feel free to call us.

You're very sweet.|I'm getting nervous...

- Be careful.|- What are you doing?

- Are you okay?|- Yes.

That blasted thing|falls apart all the time.

We'll have to get around|to getting it fixed.

- Hey, look at this.|- What?

It's 500.

What?

What'd you say this is?

It's an engraving for a bill.|Here, look.

"The United States of America."

Maybe it's from the|previous owners or something.

I doubt it.|We've lived here for 15 years.

- That's brand-new.|- Isn't that the damnedest thing?

- Right here in this cellar.|- People find lots of things in the cellar.

I just can't imagine.

What do you think|I should do with it?

I never even seen one.

- Take it to the bank, they'll know.|- You think so?

Yeah, you're probably right.

Hello, Mrs. Kornpett.|All set for the wedding?

- We're getting there.|- How's Barbara? She nervous?

She doesn't show it,|but I'm sure she is.

My husband's|the jumpiest one of all.

Isn't that always the case?

There's just some things that men|don't handle as well as we do.

I suppose so.

What can we do for you today?|Cash a check, I'll bet.

No, not really.|I've found something.

I found this in my cellar|this morning...

...and I don't know what to make of it,|or what I should do with it.

It's heavy, isn't it.

My goodness,|this is some kind of engraving...

For 500.

Honey, you're right.

You found this in your cellar,|Mrs. Kornpett?

- This morning.|- I never have that kind of luck.

Do you have any idea what|I should do with it, or what it's worth?

I really don't know.|I've never even seen one of these.

I could ask our branch manager.|Do you mind waiting?

Not really.|I'd like to resolve this somehow.

Sure. I don't blame you.|Let me ask him.

- Ready?|- In a second.

- Did you get your shoes?|- They were all awful.

I got some sneakers|so it wouldn't be a total loss.

- You've gotta get some shoes.|- I know.

Tomorrow, we'll go into the city. I'll try|Bloomingdale's, I. Miller, and Bendel's.

Worse comes to worst,|I'll wear my clogs.

You're not going to wear clogs|at your wedding.

Nobody will see them.

- My God.|- What?

Look at this.

Let's not fight.|I'll go into the city.

I'll probably find|an acceptable pair of shoes.

- Clogs are out of the question.|- Stop!

- Mrs. Kornpett?|- Yes?

Would you mind stepping|over to my office for a moment?

You feeling a little better?

You were smart to order that split pea|soup. That looks delicious. May I?

It's very nice. It's a little|greasy, but it's very nice.

Crumble up some Saltines into it, Shel,|that will absorb the grease.

Shel, when I speak, do you hear me?|Do you understand the words?

That's good.|I was beginning to get worried.

I thought all this excitement|got to you.

Let me see if I got this straight.|You work for the CIA.

- That's right.|- Been with them 20 years?

Since Eisenhower.

You robbed the United States Mint|for the CIA. Is that correct?

- Completely.|- Okay. Let me ask you a question.

Since when is it the policy of the CIA|to impress private citizens...

...into this service without|saying what it's about?

So individuals of high standing|in the community...

...end up running down streets|with bullets flying past their heads!

- That was a mistake.|- Some mistake!

- Thank God nobody was hurt.|- How do you justify such behavior?

I didn't do it lightly. It was done|in the name of something important...

...which you couldn't understand.|- I couldn't understand?

- No, it is too complicated.|- I read the newspapers!

I graduated second in my class. Don't|underestimate the man in the street!

All right. You got a point.|You're right.

When you're right, you're right.

Okay. Try and follow me, Shel.

This thing has to do with a conspiracy|that originated in Central America...

...against the economy|of the United States.

We got wind of it nine months ago,|when they robbed the German Mint.

Well, actually, they robbed the|English Mint, then the German Mint.

And then the Swiss Mint.|And they never took any money.

- Well, who did this?|- It's a Latin American syndicate.

They only took the plates.

What you have to understand|is that we have information.

- The agency has sources...|- CIA?

You're goddamn right, buddy,|the CIA.

We know that these plates|are going down to Central America...

...and these people intend to run off|billions of dollars of this currency.

- They wanna obliterate their debts.|- What debts?

Well, all these countries, Shel, they|all owe billions of dollars to the West.

They can never pay it back.|They're too poor. You know that.

Their only hope is worldwide inflation,|but it has to be a huge one.

I mean, so big that paper money's not|worth anything. You use it for wallpaper.

Now, once they get these plates,|the ones that I robbed yesterday...

...which is American dollars,|now they're all set.

Set for what?

What do you think will happen|when they run off this dough...

...and there's trillions of extra dollars,|francs and marks floating around?

You've got a collapse of confidence|in the currency.

People are gonna panic. There's|gonna be gold riots, atonal music...

...political chaos, mass suicide.

Right? It's Germany before Hitler.|You can see that.

Jesus, I don't know|what people are gonna do...

...when a six pack of Budweiser|cost $ 1200.

That'll be awful.

- You think I'm bullshitting?|- No, I don't.

- They thought I was bullshitting!|- Who thought that?

The CIA.

I told them. I said, "Fellas, the thing|to do is to rob the U.S. Mint.

Really rob. Professional,|with real gangsters and real guns.

Get the engraving,|go to Central America...

...smoke out the action,|and nail those bastards."

They thought it was too risky.|Turned it down.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.|The CIA turned us down?

- I thought you were doing it for them?|- I am.

- Well, then they're behind you?|- No. This I did on my own.

You robbed the U.S. Mint on your own?|The CIA thought it was too crazy?

Too risky.

You robbed it on your own?|You committed a federal crime!

Of course it's federal.|Treasury Department's on the case.

- What happens if you get caught?|- We won't. Not if we...

Stop the we! If you get caught, is the|agency gonna come forward and say:

- "It's okay, he works for us"?|- No.

- No?|- No. I'm out in the cold on this one.

If I get caught, they shred my records,|say they never heard of me...

...it's 20 years in the slammer.|- And me?

I was running through the streets|with it. I was the one in the gutter!

And you were tremendous, Shel.|The way you handled yourself.

I can't tell you how impressed I was.|No, I mean this.

It's something I've been wanting to say.|You were sensational, Shel.

And it's an act of friendship|I will remember for as long as I live.

Which could be an hour.

What do I got, an hour and a half?

You have nothing to worry about.|You're an innocent victim.

How so?

I know it and the cab driver knows it.|We both say it.

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