The In-Laws Page #6

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- Are you ready?|- No.

Now I'm ready.

Serpentine!

- What?|- Serpentine!

Serpentine!

Shel!

- Where the hell are the keys?|- Are you kidding me?

Out of the car!

- They must be in his pocket.|- I'll get them.

I'll get them. I'd rather die running|than be left here alone.

- You don't know what you're saying.|- I can't take it.

The idea of you out there dead.|And me alone here with the bullets.

- I can't take it.|- Are you serious?

I can't stay here.

- Okay! But remember, serpentine!|- Absolutely!

What a guy.

You're dead, right?

Good.

Serpentine, Shel! Serpentine!

Got a little time now, Shel.

Why don't you lie down,|grab yourself a nap?

You can imagine how I felt, general,|seeing him dead on the runway like that.

No, I said, "Hello, Jesus,"|and he said, "Hello, Vince."

It came as a complete surprise.

I agree, it must have been anarchists.

Hookers?

That's very kind of you, but we're|anxious to wrap this up and get home.

Out, out! Get out! Out!

As quickly as possible, general.

No, we'll take a cab.|We had a little trouble with the car.

The windows weren't working properly.|Isn't that always the case? Right.

- Where you going, Shel?|- Lobby. To look at a magazine.

- Okay. Stay close. We'll be leaving soon.|- Oh, good.

Now, exactly where are you located,|general?

501 United Fruit Boulevard...

...via the General Garcia Toll Bridge.|Fine.

It's a very fitting monument to you, sir.

Yes, better than a statue.

Now, do you have the money?

Right.

No, general, it's...

It's 10 million in an attach case.

Attach.

And 10 million wrapped in two|small packages of 5 million each.

Perfect. No, the Treasury Department|never knew what hit them.

Operator, habla usted ingls?

Good. I need the American Embassy,|please. It's urgent. I'm in great danger.

Barry Lutz, Intelligence.

Mr. Lutz, I may sound a little incoherent,|but when you hear my situation...

...you'll understand why.

My name is Kornpett. I'm a D.D.S.|In the greater New York area.

I reside in New Jersey. And I'm a normal|and patriotic American citizen.

Now, I'm in Tijada right now.|I'm in Tijada, yes.

I'm here with a man who works|for the CIA.

And he's got me involved in some|scheme concerning a general down here.

Well, my life has been in almost|constant jeopardy for 24 hours now.

I keep getting shot at,|and I can't handle it anymore.

His name is Vince Ricardo.

Why are you laughing?

You're with Vince Ricardo?|How much insurance do you carry?

Christ. No. No, not anymore.

He was thrown out of the agency|late last year on a mental...

A mental, you heard me right.

He's a wild man, that's why.

He'd go into dangerous situations with|no rhyme or reason and just improvise.

Totally ass-backwards.

The worst thing was that we lost|six men teamed with him.

Horrible, gruesome deaths too.

Yeah, a real nightmare.

- You're with him now?|- Yeah, he's got these engravings.

He's trying to crack|this international currency thing.

I don't know, it's not my kind of...

No, we're just related|by a pending marriage.

His son is marrying my daughter.

Sunday.|Thank you.

He's a little strange, but there's also|something lovable about the guy.

Sure, he's lovable,|but he's completely out of his mind.

I could tell you stories...

Listen, listen.

Do yourself, do your family,|do me a favor:

Just stay the hell away from him.

Yeah. Sure. Glad to be of service.

- I thought you were getting a magazine.|- All they had was Hustler in Spanish.

El Hustlero.

- You made a call.|- Yes, I did.

- You called the agency?|- Yes, I did.

What did they say?

They said you were kicked out because|you were A: Dangerous and B: Crazy.

- They really said that?|- Oh, yes.

You don't have a heart condition|or anything, do you, Shel?

- Get off of me.|- Listen to me.

You're a stranger, you call the agency,|what do you think they'd say?

I don't know and I don't care.

You could be a foreign agent, so they|say I'm washed up, I'm nuts.

- Are you gonna get off me?|- Not yet.

They did the correct thing|telling you that I was nuts.

Do you understand that?|It was simply a fabrication?

- Lf I say yes, will you get off me?|- Lf it's a sincere yes.

Then the answer is yes. I believe it was|just a fabrication to get me off the trail.

I knew you'd understand.

- Let's go.|- No way.

- What's this "no way"?|- No way is no way. I'm off the case.

I'm done with this nonsense.

I just explained it was a fabrication...

It makes no difference if you're sane or|crazy, if you're with the agency or not.

- I hate all of this.|- From here on in, it's cut and dried.

- It's not cut and it's not dried.|- It is.

We go to the general,|drop off the engravings.

If it's so cut and dried,|you don't need me, right? Go in peace.

I'll fly home.|If the Treasury Department is waiting...

...I'll tell them what little I know.|They'll probably feel sorry for me.

But I will not be shot at any longer.|Is that clear?

Okay. Really.

I can understand, a person|with your background, it's difficult.

If you like, I'll wait here at the hotel.|But no more running.

No more shooting.|From here on in, I'm a bystander.

Okay.

When you're right, you're right.

Just don't go home without me,|huh, Shel?

Jesus, I couldn't take|that kind of rejection.

We'll go home with Billy and Bing,|have a few laughs. Okay?

- You gonna be long?|- I'll be back within an hour.

Okay.

That's kind of you, Shel.|I really appreciate that.

Taxi, seor?

501 United Fruit Boulevard.|Pronto.

Oh, God.

I can't...

Wait!

Vince!

Jesus Christ, what the hell was that?

Vince!

- Shelley?|- Stop the car!

It's Sheldon. It's me up here, Vince.

- Can you stop the car?|- Maybe you're right, Shel.

Maybe you're right.

Oh, dear.

It's a piece of cake.

Piece of cake, Shel.

Vince, stop the car!

- You okay?|- Yeah, I think so.

You can't blame me for this.|You volunteered.

And a wonderful gesture it was.

Let's go.

Stay low, Sheldon.

Stay low.

Sheldon, come here.|Come here, Sheldon. Come on!

- Grab him by his shoulder and pull.|- All right.

Stay down, Shel. Stay down.

Stay low, Sheldon.

What a guy.

Get in the cab, Shel.

In the cab, Shel.

- That was a magnificent thing you did.|- It was instinct. I went crazy.

It was pure heroism.

Don't think I don't know|how deeply you feel about me.

It gives me a warm feeling.

Okay, hang on, this is gonna be|a little rough.

Next time we're in Tijada, remind me,|they make a chicken sandwich here.

They serve it on a hard roll, they heat|it up. With orange juice, you know.

Grande, a big one. Or pineapple juice.|And coffee. Do you take coffee, Shel?

Espresso, with that beautiful foam.

Oh, Jesus, pigs.

Don't they squeal when they die?

No. The pig is alive, Shel.

I'm such a great driver, it's inconceivable|they took my license away.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Again?

Okay.

Holy sh*t!

Now that was a little close.|I admit it. I cut it a little fine.

Coming through! Emergency!

- Out of the way, please, emergency!|- Jesus Christ!

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