The In-Laws Page #7

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Out of the way, please!|It's an emergency!

Coming through!

Okay, sometimes I'm so smart|I scare myself.

I gotta give you credit, Vince,|you son of a gun, you!

- What's the story on this guy?|- The general?

A very interesting gentleman.

Two things, Shel:

- Don't say anything about his scar.|- What scar?

You'll see it, but don't see it.|You follow my drift?

The other thing, be sure to compliment|his art collection.

- Vince, my good friend.|- Mein General.

- A "Z"?|- What?

A "Z"?

General, I'd like you to meet|Dr. Sheldon Kornpett.

Sheldon provided invaluable assistance|to the success of this mission.

He did? Dr. Kornpett.

Please, gentlemen, enter.

You notice my friend?|This is Seor Pepe.

"Hello."|Seor Pepe, do you like these men?

"Very much."

Shall we invite these men to sit down?

Seor Pepe, would you like|to give these men a kiss?

He's nice?|"Very nice."

He's nice?|"He's nice.

He is very handsome!"

- All right, that's enough.|- General, that's a hell of an act.

You're a very gifted man.

We go in.

- He's a raving fruitcake.|- Don't underestimate him.

- The art.|- The art.

General, your art collection|never fails to take my breath away.

The toreador's wonderful.

- I paid $50,000 for this.|- Jesus, what a schmuck.

Shut up.

This tiger I recently purchased|for only $25,000.

I believe it is one of his best.|Note the plasticity...

...the Renaissance use of perspective.

- He got the stripes perfectly.|- That's right. Notice the whiskers.

My God, you could almost touch them.

That's the tip-off to a great work of art.

- Not everybody appreciates genius.|- There are a lot of boors in the world.

You can say that twice. I commission|this great man to do a new flag...

...and there is such screaming...

I show you.

Now, this is a flag.

Take your breath away.|Can you believe that?

General, it's magnfico.

And is that Mrs. General there?

This is a girl from the village.|This is a prostitute.

If it was not for the church, this flag|would today be flying at the U.N.

But no, they stand in the way!|They stand in the way!

The world is full|of reactionaries...

...people with small minds...|- What? You are thirsty?

He wants cold water, Shel.|That's what that means.

All right?

General...

- Down to business.|- That's right, sir.

Do you have the money?

These are the best security men around.|They used to work for J.C. Penney.

If I'm not mistaken,|I once bought a comb there.

As a matter of fact, I did, Shel,|a little pocket comb.

Ten million exactamente.

And the other 10?

- These are small enough?|- They're fine. Perfect.

- Sheldon.|- What's that?

Five million bucks. Hang on to it.

Five million dollars?

General, it gives me|great pleasure to present...

Beautiful.

Made by Uncle Sam with his own|greedy little fingers.

- Would you like to see?|- Love to, general. Shel, you too.

This is extremely educational.

- When are you gonna arrest him?|- Nobody is arresting nobody.

- Why not?|- Just go with the flow, Shel.

What flow? There isn't any flow.

These are engravings|from all over the world.

This is unbelievable, general.|I'm very impressed.

We are ready.

- How much you gonna run off?|- 300 billion.

- That'll do it.|- Sounds like plenty.

Is a lot, huh? We will bring|the Western banks to their knees.

- Me, and my good American friends.|- It's a wonderful thing.

- I don't know when I've felt so proud.|- Soon the world's monetary system...

...will collapse like a wet taco!|- A very fine analogy.

Blood will run in the streets of Zurich.

German bankers will throw themselves|under the trolley.

- Widows and orphans will be penniless.|- Sounds good.

There will be panic, looting,|rioting in the streets, and suicides!

Fabulous.

And you, my dear,|sweet American friends...

...you were here, right at the start.

Come, we celebrate.

This chicken's really sensational!|Wanna give out the recipe?

No, is old Tijada secret.

- The pollo must be marinated six weeks.|- It's very good.

- You don't get this stuff in New York.|- Vince, you're not hungry? You just pick?

"He just pick, pick, pick."

It kills me the way you do that.

He no like the food?|"No, no, he no like the food."

It's just that my stomach is a little|upset. I have to avoid marinated birds.

Did I just hear a doorbell?

- Bravo, bravo, bravo.|- Excellent, excellent.

The New Red Army Choir.

Oh, yes, extremely gifted.

And now, my friends, a special surprise.

Please, follow me.

General, what's the traffic like|this time of day?

I'm having fun. He's a dictator, but|there's something innocent about him.

Yes, extremely innocent.|I think my hearing's shot.

- Did you just hear a helicopter?|- No.

Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Come.

I would like to present you with|the General Garcia Medal of Freedom.

How nice.

My wonderful American friends.|My brave American friends.

May I share something with you?

I am a pacifist by nature|with a deep Quaker belief...

...in the sanctity of human life.

I wish I had the choice but to kill you.

What did he say?

You heard right.

- Okay, what's our next move?|- Move?

- No more moves. This is it.|- No kidding around. What?

- That's all she wrote.|- Come on, what's the plan?

I'm wide open,|what do you got in mind?

- Can't we create a diversion?|- Like what?

- You're the expert, think of something!|- I'll give it a shot.

General?

May I interject for a moment, please?

General...

...spare this man.

This man, Sheldon Kornpett...

Shelley, I call him...

...he's a great dentist from New York...

...a city in which, as you|probably know, general...

...there are thousands|of Spanish-speaking people who stand...

...in dire need of extensive bridgework...

...and this man's death, I'm afraid...

...would be a crushing blow to whatever|small hopes they might have...

...for a healthier set of teeth and gums.

That was it? The dental thing?|I'm a dead man!

But they will have great|memories of you.

This is it! My life is over. 43 years.

I've only had four women,|two of them my wife.

Once before and once afterwards.|Even in the Army I never fooled around.

I'm not one to pat myself on the back,|but I knew he'd blow sky-high.

- He's not equipped.|- I never called my father, now he's dead!

Could we have a sedative for Shel, here?|This is not right.

I have no drugs.

- An aspirin then?|- I have no aspirins, only herbal teas.

- Fine, get the tea.|- There is no time for tea.

I insist on at least a blindfold for Shel.

I have no blindfolds.|This is a poor country!

I hate to be a pain in the ass about this,|but the Geneva Convention stipulates...

...that firing squad victims,|and we fall into that category...

...are to be given the option|of a blindfold.

- You can be reported!|- Who will report me? Your ghost?

Is your ghost going to report me?

General, I insist on at least|a blindfold for Shel here.

Come on, be a man! Please be a man!

I have to shoot you and do my business!|Stand up! Be a man!

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