The Inbetweeners Page #4

then, will she?

If our dancing was bad...

and it was bad...

then our small talk was even worse.

They were useless. It was up to me, and

so I dived in with my best chat-up line.

- I'm Will, by the way.

- Alison.

So, do this place hire you out as

some sort of avant-garde dance troupe

to scare the customers off?

No. I lost my mind and agreed to come

here on holiday. What's your excuse?

Sort of similar.

I came out here earlier this summer and

fell crazy in love with a gorgeous local,

- so now I'm back.

- Hilarious. Course you did.

What was he, a barman or a waiter?

- Waiter.

- Brilliant. Was he called Stavros?

- Nicos.

- Too good.

I bet he's different to all the boys

back home!

Yeah. He understands women, for one.

I'm sure he does.

Must get enough practice.

Not only had Jay not offered

to buy Jane a drink,

he'd now stopped paying for his own.

Meanwhile,

Simon had finally found a subject

he was sure Lucy would love.

It was devastating cos she's definitely

the most beautiful girl I've ever met.

She's so fascinating,

she's really funny, you know.

Oh, right. In what sort of way?

Just like, you know when something's

funny and people get it?

Yes?

So in that way. And also in a comedy way.

Neil was a man of few words.

But even for him, this was ridiculous.

Luckily, he had a trump card to play.

D'you wanna dance?

Meanwhile,

Alison didn't seem to be enjoying...

my hilarious Greek waiter impression.

So, I presume he wooed you with the old,

"Hh'I love you, hh'I love you!

"You hh'only girl for me!

There's no hh'other girl hh'in my life!

"Oh, wait, here comes the next plane

from Newcastle. I've gotta go, baby".

Sorry, you do realise

I'm not playing along with the joke.

I do genuinely have a Greek waiter

boyfriend called Nicos.

No, of course you do.

Brilliant. Nicos.

You've really nailed the clichs.

- You are joking, aren't you?

- No.

His grandmother has as moustache

as well if that makes the stereotype...

even funnier.

I'm sorry. I'm sure he's not like

every other waiter out here.

It's fine. You don't know

what you're talking about.

Your accent was pretty good, though.

Oh, I've gotta go. Don't want to miss

my stereotypical Greek boyfriend.

He might get angry and smash some plates.

Or commit atrocities in Anatolia.

You're not normal, are you?

So then Carli said we needed some space.

And uni's coming up,

- so maybe she's right.

- Sorry, who's right?

- Carli?

- Who?

Carli, my ex?

You went out with a girl called Carli?

You should've said

What? I did!

That's all I've been talking about.

Oh!

Yes, I was joking!

Sorry for going on about her. I usually

get a smack in the balls to stop me.

What?!

Um, nothing.

You all right, Lise?

Where's that bloke you were dancing with?

# I've got nothing but love for you

# I've got nothing but love for you

# I've got nothing but love for you... #

Luce, we should go. Nicos finishes soon,

and I don't want to miss him.

So, shall we all hang out again sometime?

Yeah. You lot don't seem too bad.

If I hear another bloke out here

refer to women as "gash", I'll scream.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. No that is horrible

- It's awful...

- when men do that. Disgusting.

- Really bad.

Do you fancy coming to the all-day

boat party, Friday?

I know it's meant to be sold out, but

our rep reckons he can still get tickets.

All-day boat party - what's that?

Well, it's a party.

OK.

- All day.

- Yep.

- On a boat.

- Oh, right.

Well! Now that's been cleared up,

we should go.

See you later, Will.

Amazing.

Do you realise, we just danced over,

chatted up some girls,

they loved it and you didn't f*** it up!

- Me?!

- Are we players?

I'm starting to think that here, unlike

at home, we might actually be players.

Maybe. I'm not really sure

what that means.

However, cos I've not slept now

for two days, I'm going to bed.

Yeah. My eyeballs feel like

they've got paper cuts.

- Jay, are you coming?

- F*** that!

There's a fit bird up there

who's so wet for me,

I can hear the waves breaking

in her fanny.

I'm gonna down this, then take her down

the beach and f*** her brains out.

Right, well, we've established

that isn't happening.

Fine. Watch me.

Mm. Classy

We'd better get Neil.

- Neil...?

- Oh, God! We're off.

Right. Won't be a minute,

I'll just finish up here.

Christ, Neil, what about Nicole?

Oh, she won't mind, we're not kissing.

Nah. It's just fingers, in't it, lover?

Right.

Yeah. I'll catch you lot up. One second.

He's definitely picked up the pace.

While Neil picked up

his finger-banging speed,

we picked up Jay - and he had

a chilling prediction to share with us.

She's gonna suck my knob-knob dry.

You watch.

I'd rather not watch,

if it's all the same to you.

Sh*t, is that Carli?

Look, Si, it's normal

that after a break-up,

you'll think you see her everywhere,

but she's not here.

Yeah. I suppose.

- Could be her.

- What?

Could be her.

She is out here at the moment.

What?!

Well, we weren't sure where

the best place to go was,

and her and her mates are pretty cool,

so I asked them where they was going

and when, and that's why I booked Malia.

You f***ing idiot!

I came away to try and get over her!

- Did ya?

- You know I did!

Oh, yeah, course.

Oh, God, look at her.

Do you think this is fate?

Her being here, me being here.

No. I think Neil asked her

where she was going

and then booked the same place,

like he just said.

Let's go before she sees us!

No, no. I've got to go and talk to her.

If there's even the slightest chance

of us getting back together,

I've got to take it.

Carli!

Carli?

Simon?!

Oh, my God! What are you doing here?

Stalking you abroad.

No. The opposite, actually.

Just a mix-up by my friends.

My stupid f***ing idiot friends.

Well, whatever. It's great to see you.

Is it?!

Yeah, it is. Course.

Course.

So, as we're here, why don't we hang out?

How about right now?

Now? Oh, I can't now. But you'll be

at the boat party on Friday, right?

The boat party? I was literally

just talking about the boat party.

It's gonna be amazing. The best way

to round off our holiday.

What? Why are you going? Don't go.

I've got to go.

My flight leaves on Saturday.

The boat's our last chance to party.

Right. Well, I'll definitely be there,

then.

For total, one million per cent.

Definitely.

Cool. It'll be great to hang out again.

- I've missed you.

- Hmm?

Argh, Jesus!

- F*** it!

- Sorry, mate.

- James! Are you all right, Simon?

- Yeah, fine. Argh!

I'll walk it off.

Cool, yeah. Carls, come on,

we've gotta go.

Oh, do you two know each other?

Yeah, James is our rep.

Rep, unofficial rep. I sort out club

nights. A bit of party organising, PR...

Just make sure everyone's having

a good time, you know what I mean?

- Are you sure you're all right, mate?

- All good...

Cool. Carls, come on.

Bye, Simon. See you on the boat.

See you, mate. Mind that leg.

I'll sort you out a free fishbowl.

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