The Inbetweeners Page #6

And she's going to be

on the boat tomorrow.

If I can just get five minutes

alone with her,

I know we'll fix things up, it's fate.

So, can you go and get those tickets?

You really know how

to make a girl feel special, don't you?

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Carli is going to love it.

Can you hurry up?

Simon's plan was coming together.

Meanwhile, Jane was about to experience

the full force of Jay's boyish charm.

Can you move? You're blocking the sun.

Charming!

What's happened to your face, Jay?

It's a food allergy.

I could do with one of those,

maybe an iced-bun allergy.

Yeah. You could.

Meanwhile, Neil had

a surprise in store for Lisa.

Forgot my trunks.

Fancy a swim?

Oh, leave it out, you little prick.

Right, that's it!

I'm going to f***ing kill ya,

- I'm going to f***ing kill ya!

- Oi!

Those are our sunbeds.

And where's our towels?

Oh, good.

Well, there weren't any towels

when we arrived

and we've been here for the last hour.

I didn't ask to read your f***ing diary,

love. I said, "Where's our towels?"

Now, there's no need to be abusive.

If you look around,

there are signs everywhere

saying you can't reserve sunbeds.

So you moved our towels?

The point I'm making is,

whatever the fate of the towels,

these cannot be your beds.

What have you done

with my f***ing towels?!

Sir, I get you nice other beds.

Please, take up your stuff.

Me?! What?

Why should we move?

Because he's made a scene?

Because his family are too lazy

to walk 20 feet to the pool?

Seriously, mate, I am warning you.

Why have a rule

if you aren't going to enforce it?

The signs are redundant.

My towel!

Disabled. Course she is.

Here you go.

- Happy now?

- Well, obviously not.

And that isn't helping.

You lot have got five seconds

to get off my sunbeds.

Right, come on, Will,

we'll just find somewhere else.

But I still don't see

why we should move.

Yes, his daughter

has a serious condition,

but it's not like the whole family

are therefore entitled

to pool-side seats for life.

Plus, strictly speaking,

she doesn't even need another chair.

Are you guests at this hotel?

Ah! No! I no swim!

Please, mister, I no swim, I beg you.

Not pool!

Argh!

All right. All right.

It's just a joke! We're... We're mates!

So little, so little!

Ah!

Great.

And with a rough grab

from a BO-ridden security guard,

Simon's perfect plan came crashing down.

- Thanks a lot, Jay.

- Me?! What have I done?

Oh, I don't know... Oh, yeah!

F***ed everything up for me,

like you always do.

I had to teach him a lesson, Si,

he was mugging me off.

He was nine years old and couldn't swim!

- Now my life is ruined. Thanks.

- Is this about the tickets?

Oh, boo-hoo-hoo!

So, you don't get to go

to the boat party, so what?!

So I don't get back together

with the woman I love!

Look, it's not my fault

Carli thinks you're a prick.

You want to watch me more closely, mate,

- you might actually learn something.

- Oh, yeah?

And what would I learn?

How to bullshit about having sex?

How to sleep in an ants' nest?

- How to be scared shitless of my dad?!

- Oh, come on, Si, calm down.

Maybe you'd learn not to be such

a massive tool over that miserable c*nt.

Don't call Carli a c*nt!

- You had enough yet?!

- Have you had enough yet?

- I asked first!

- Ah...

- Uh!

- We should do something.

Yeah, do you want to go

and get a Subway?

No. I meant about the fight,

we should break it up.

Yeah.

All right, come on, you two.

No!

Uh!

I'm sick of his bollocks,

I'm going to f***ing do him.

Oh, you're hard, Si,

I didn't see you do me just now.

- Come back here, then, you prick.

- Let's go for a walk!

- Don't cry, Si.

- I'm not crying!

- You're crying!

- Don't look like it, you're crying!

- Come here, then.

- See you later, then, Will.

Honestly, I'm done with that arsehole.

I mean, why do I even

hang round with him?

Well, yeah, obviously

we all wonder that at times.

Look, it's been a tough couple of days,

the Carli thing is weird,

but just cos you were

in a fight with Jay,

- you don't have to leave.

- I'm not leaving.

But you are aware

you're packing your suitcase.

- I've never liked him.

- You've been mates since primary school.

He's a little crybaby poof.

And his hair,

everyone took the piss out of that.

But not me, I didn't.

F***ing wish I had now.

- You did a bit.

- Well, no, course, a bit.

But... not enough.

He's a total twat!

Oh, that's harsh, mate.

He can be a knob, but he's not a twat.

- I'm going to sell my clothes.

- Oh, you're having a breakdown.

She means so much to me, Will,

I don't care about anything else.

If I can get enough money together,

I can buy a ticket

for the boat party off someone,

somehow, whatever it costs.

Money is all I need.

I agree with you on money,

but who's going to buy your clothes?

No offence, but you dress appallingly.

Are you going to help

or just constantly undermine me?

- Bit of both, I'd imagine.

- Fine.

Do you think Alison likes me?

Well... f*** him.

- What's that?

- Boat party tickets,

I bought four the other night

before I passed out.

Cost a fortune.

I thought I'd surprise him.

Well, here's his f***ing surprise.

- Oh, no, Jay, don't.

- No, f*** him!

And f*** that dick Will too.

What shall we do now, then?

Now we have the best holiday ever...

- and do what we came here to do!

- Get better at swimming!

No.

Go on Pussay Patrol!

Unfortunately for him,

Simon wasn't the only person in Malia

trying to sell sh*t no-one wanted.

- Looky, looky. Hello?

- Hello!

- Looky.

- Nice lady, good price.

Clothes? Looky, looky.

Top clothes for sale.

You want clothes? Good price.

I think you'd have more luck

selling the big glasses.

Isn't that Carli's friend?

He's a rep,

I don't think they're really friends.

All right, mate?

What's this,

the world's shittest boot fair?

Ha! No, just selling my clothes

for some money.

I need money, desperately.

All right! Well, as luck would have it,

I've got a mate

who's had his apartment broken into.

F***ers nicked all his clothes.

I reckon he'll be interested,

I'll call him.

That'd be amazing, thanks so much.

No problem, mate.

All part of the service, yeah?

- See?

- All right, mate?

Yeah, yeah. Got some clothes.

Yeah. Um...

got some girls T-shirts.

- These are girls', right?

- No.

Hoodies like your mum would buy you.

The sort of jeans Jeremy Clarkson wears.

Oh, yeah, yeah!

It's all sh*t, yeah. Hold on.

He says he'll give you

Amazing! Totally! Cool!

Coolio! Oh, my God, oh, my God,

oh, my God. Thanks so much, man.

Including what you're wearing now.

- Really?

- Yeah, yeah, that's the deal.

Obviously he's not going

to take his clothes off.

Oh, nice one.

Oh!

He's going to need your pants too.

What, these?

F***in' thieves stole everything.

Gimme your pants, I'll be back

before you know it with your 100 euros.

Sorry, this has gone too far.

Simon, do not take your pants off.

Stop always telling me what to do, Will,

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