The Inspector General Page #6

- Won't you sit down?

In the bed!

Come in.

- Your Excellency.

- I thought I just put you in the closet?

Come in.

- I didn't know you were resting Your Excellency.

- I always rest, the doctor said it's

good for my liver.

- Maybe I'd better come back?

- No, it's all right. What do you want?

- I just wanted to make a confession.

- I'll take it. Thank-you.

I'm as guilty as the rest of the

others. Oh, I mustn't be found here,

where do I hide? On the bed! No!

On top of the bed.

Come in.

- You don't have to put on any act for me.

- Has the message come yet from

The Emporer?

-Go downstairs and see if my

luggage has arrived.

- What's the matter with you?

What's the weather outside like?

There's a lot of men hiding in there.

The councilmen came with a lot of bribes.

Bribes? Money?

Where is it?

Why? Come in.

Your Excellency, may I speak with

you for a moment? Privately.

- They all brougth him money.

- Gentlemen, I'm going to ask you

to leave the room.

Oh Mayor and you too Chief of

Police. His Highness can not

tolerate dishonesty.

-Then why did he accept the bribes?

- His Excellency has many private charities.

I can assure you that not a penny of

that money will ever find its way into

the pockets of The Inspector General.

What do you want us to do?

It's possible that a few contributions

from you might....

-How much?

- Shall we say 100,000 crowns?

- 100,000 crowns!

- I'll be a pauper. Well keep your money.

You can jingle it in your pockets all

the way up the steps of the gallows.

- He wouldn't do anything like that.

- He would, and he has.

But he might be inclined to show

lieniency if he can realize the

charitable dream of his life.

A much needed addition of the

Catherdral he built in Vienna.

A new church organ. A fire-proof organ.

- Fire-proof!

- He knows. He knows.

- We can get rid of him without

leaving a trace and none of us will

be involved. - Who will do it?

Vetalo, the woodchopper. You do

as I tell him, he has to.

I can get him tonight, during the

reception and confusion and noise.

- But if something goes wrong.

- Nothing will go wrong. Are you sure?

After midnight, as soon as everybody has

had plenty to drink, we'll get him into the

barn where Vetalo the woodchopper is waiting.

He will dispose of the body.

- What are you doing?

- What, you think I want to steal it?

I want to count it.

- I already counted it. You can't count.

- Well, it's very heavy so there must

be enough here to buy back the organ.

- Right, you give it to me and I'll go

get the organ.

- Oh no, not without me!

- You can't leave here. They need

you for the reception.

- Well then we'll go after the reception.

There's an old Hungarian proverb:

Trust everybody but keep the organ

money in sight.

Come in.

- What is that?

- It's just a letter.

- What kind of letter?

- Well a love letter I suppose.

No Yakov, it's private.

Yakov you might tear it.

Well?

Would you read it for me Yakov?

- Oh Georgi, you are such a lucky guy.

- What is it?

- That a beautiful girl like that would

fall in love with you.

- Read it to me Yakov.

My dearest darling Inspector

General. From the moment I fi rst

saw you, I knew you were the one.

At night I dream of your manly figure,

and your handsome gentle features

drive me mad with passionate love.

The sound of your voice thrills me

beyond words, and if I can not have

you for my very own, I will surely die.

-Is there any more? Does she say anything else?

- Yes, P.S., please meet me in the

barn at midnight.

Please meet me in the barn at midnight...

Yakov, what does P.S. mean?

- Please Sweetheart.

- Please sweetheart meet me in the

barn at midnight.

- I have the carriage waiting Farple.

- The carriage?

My things are all packed. I'll meet

you at the stable after the dance.

Cousin Byro....

I have the money. Has he sent in his report?

Then I'll deliver them to him tonight.

We can't settle the matter in here.

Where would you suggest?

Outside, in the barn.

At midnight? At midnight! He'll be there.

I'll go and get ready. I'll see you

later Farple.

I got your note. You're wonderful

At the barn?

Thank-you.

Out of my way. I am Colonel Franz

Castine. Comrade, life-long friend

of The Inspector General.

We were friends for many, many

years. Announce me at once young lady.

- Yes Colonel.

- Oh...young man.

- Problem with the eyes are there Colonel?

- Yes, I was snow-blinded in the Alps with the

Italian campaign with His Majesty, The Emporer.

The Emporer! Long life to The

Emporer.

You idiot! You blithering idiot! Now

where are my glasses?

I am so blind without my glasses.

Now don't step on them.

- Oh, I am so sorry.

- You stupid fool!

- I'll have to go and get another pair.

- No, no now you just stay right there.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have the honor to

announce the unexpected arrival of Colonel

Franz Castine of The Emporer's Royal Guard.

Comrade in arms and life-long

friend of Your Excellency, The

Inspector General.

The Colonel is quite near-sighted and has

had the misfortune of breaking his glasses.

Imagine, he broke his glasses.

Oh no Colonel, you're kissing the

wrong man. This is The Inspector General.

Oh yes of course. How stupid of

me. The Inspector General is really

a much shorter man.

Leopold, this is indeed a joy, a joy.

I noticed that you shaved your moustache.

- It used to tickle, not me that is.

-It's all right, it's makes you look much younger.

- Your voice seems to sound more youthful

- I've had laryngitis.

This is the man, who single-

handed, routed an entire regiment

of the ltalians at the battle of Lavengretto.

And then he pushed their own cannon into

position and fired at the retreating enemy.

Do you remember that my boy?

And Austerlitz?

He just dove into a raging river and

rescued 4 wounded soldiers.

And then on the way, he cut down

10 Spaniards with his sabre.

Morale was very low, but with his

magnificent courage he plunged

into the fray and led his men with a song.

The victory song of the 94th

regiment. Onward, onward never

looking back.

- How does it go Leopold?

- He doesn't like to be reminded of

that tragic day.

- But he might be persuaded to sing

something a little lighter, gay.

- In a little while.

- Oh splendid, then I can get my glasses from

the inn. - Why don't you sing something

now and honor the Colonel?

Sing something before he gets his

glasses.

Could I borrow your drink for this

song?

AND NOW.....and now for my friend

and comrade in arms I

would like to do a gypsy drinking

song.

- My wine, he took my wine.

- There's plenty more.

- Why are you trembling for?

- The wine is deadly poison.

Is it? You did it? How very

thoughtful of you. Why I misjudged

you all these years.

No it was for me. For you? Yes, I

couldn't stand it any longer and I

even wrote a confession.

Whisky drew the whispering woods

on a wild Romany pony...

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