The Kid Page #3

a guy in a plane.

Oh, I see.

Not that kind of seeing!

I mean...

I've been hallucinating

a guy in a plane.

And these delusions, or whatever

it is you people call them...

seem to be getting worse.

Anyway, now I'm seeing a kid.

And you think this kid

is a hallucination too?

Yes.

Is he someone you knew from your past,

from your childhood?

No, not from my childhood.

I've forgotten my childhood.

My childhood is in the past,

where it belongs.

But doesn't want

to stay in the past, does it?

Mr Duritz, I notice

your eye is twitching.

- I don't have a tic.

- I didn't say you had a tic.

It's not a tic. I have dry eyes.

Why are you asking me about my dry eyes?

- Why are you so upset?

- Because I'm having hallucinations!

And I'm asking you

to make them go away...

with very powerful medication

that I can pick up on my way to work.

Please, ma'am.

Mr Duritz, you will pick up

your powerful medicine...

and then you will...

go home and take

the rest of the day off.

- Yes, ma'am.

- This is for a total of four pills.

They will help to keep you calm

until tomorrow at 4:00...

at which time I expect

to see you back here in my office...

for an appointment,

which you must promise to keep.

Yes, ma'am.

You're having these

hallucinations for a reason.

- Yes, ma'am.

- And Mr Duritz...

you need to figure out

what that reason is.

Thank you.

The woman in question.

if I understand it correctly...

she was your pilates instructor.

- Um. Well...

- Yeah, are you watching this?

- Unfortunately, yes.

- I mean. Not beautiful

like you are. Honey.

- Oh, that's good.

- Why won't hejust say

what I told him to say?

- He's an actor. He's improvising.

- Give me his cell phone number.

They won't let him take

his cell phone to the set.

Well, just get me

any number, okay, Janet?

Coast Guard, the police.

Just get me a number before

he spontaneously combusts.

Let me see if I can get

the power taken out in Atlanta.

Okay, go.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Okay, got it. Bye.

- You!

- Don't get mad. I'll clean it up.

Don't move!

Look, look, this has just gotta

stop, okay? This is... This is wrong!

You can't just go around breaking

into people's houses like this!

It's against the law!

I'm just gonna call

the police now, all right?

Tell them...

Do I know you?

I don't know.

Why do you keep

comin' back here?

I came back to get my plane.

- And then I saw the popcorn.

- Your plane?

My mom gave it to me for Christmas.

How'd you get it?

That is my plane, okay?

My dad just dropped it off

over here.

Okay? It was in his attic for a

long time. I've had that plane for 30...

thirty years.

Then why does it have

my name on it?

Look. Right here.

"Rusty."

Russell Morley Duritz.

I hate that stupid name!

How'd you know my name?

- Mother's name is Gloria.

Your father's name is Sam.

- How do you know all that?

- Your sister's name is Joanne.

- But everybody calls her...

- Josie.

- Josie.

Hi.

Hi.

Are you who I think you are?

I don't know.

How did I get here?

I don't know.

Holy smokes.

How old are you?

Forty in a couple days.

That is old.

I'm turning eight in a couple days.

Eight.

You're eight.

I'm eight.

This is scary.

No.

This is hilarious.

All right. I'm just going to

the kitchen. I'm gonna make a sandwich.

There's safety in sandwiches.

See?

There's safety in sandwiches, see?

It's funny how he knew

that we called Joanne "Josie."

But only I know

the secret name...

I had for Aunt Cathy when she

was having her epileptic spells.

Aunt Spazzy!

Safety.

Safety in a sandwich.

Safety in a sandwich.

Safety in a sandwich.

Safety...

Get out!

Okay, hallucination?

Get out!

- Am I having a nightmare?

- No.

You are not having

a nightmare, you see.

You do not exist.

I am having a nightmare, okay,

and my nervous breakdown.

This is my first nervous breakdown,

so I'm not quite sure

how they're supposed to go.

But I'm pretty sure that I'm dreaming,

you understand? Dreaming! Dreaming!

Dreaming! Dreaming!

Okay?

I don't think you're dreaming...

'cause you're talking,

and your eye is sort of twitching.

Hey! I don't have time

to go crazy, okay?

So if you want me to go crazy,

you're gonna have to get on the phone...

and call Janet just like everybody else

and schedule an appointment!

Ah. Ah, good. Okay.

Make contact with the outside world.

- Hi, Janet. It's Russ.

- Hi. You okay?

- No, no, good.

Uh-huh. Nothing. Fine. No,

I just came upstairs to return my calls.

You wanna hear something funny?

I was downstairs and now I'm upstairs.

- Hey.

- You see...

- You dropped this.

- Russ. Hello?

Safety in a sandwich.

Safety in a sandwich. Safety!

Safety in a sandwich.

You are just a hallucination!

One that is about to disappear.

Prepare to disappear!

Prepare to disappear.

I'm sitting on the floor.

I'm taking

the very powerful medication.

Just waiting for it to kick in.

Prepare to disappear!

Disappeared?

Very powerful medicine

seems to be working.

I'm still here.

I'm not throwing your dismembered

enemies into the Dumpster.

I've got my limits.

Do you remember when I had you sign

those confidentiality papers

at the office?

- Yeah.

- And do you remember me telling you...

that if you ever said anything

to anyone about anything that

happens in this company...

that I would not only sue you,

but I would bring you to financial ruin?

Snore.

Okay, then.

You can, uh...

You can see him?

Yes, I, um, can.

You could see a little boy

standing there?

Yes.

I'm pretty sure.

Okay.

This little boy is me at age eight.

And I want you

to make him disappear.

- He's you?

- Yeah.

- At age eight?

- Mm-hmm.

And you want me

to make him disappear?

Please.

- How was the therapist this morning?

- Do it, Janet!

- How am I supposed to make

a kid disappear?

- Hey, you are the assistant!

Figure it out, okay?

You yelled at me!

That is great. That... That helps.

I feel I'm thinking more clearly.

I-I feel I-I'm just more in touch

with my, my magic assistant powers.

Alakazam, alakazam.

Dalakazam kazoo.

Boom! Presto! Ha!

- Hi.

- Didn't work.

I should've worn

my magic bra and panties.

Get in the car.

- I'm really disappointed in you, Janet.

- Oh, fired, I hope.

- No. Forget about your bonus.

- Oh, boo hoo. What about my dental?

My boss appears

to have lost his mind.

Sure you wouldn't rather

stay here with me?

I'll be okay.

Waaah! Waaah!

Somebody call the "waaambulance"!

What are you

crying about anyway?

I just wanna go home.

Well, I'm trying

to get you home, okay?

- Am I in trouble?

- You're gonna be in trouble

if you wipe that snot...

on my calfskin seat...

Don't do it.

Just try and remember

where you live, okay?

- You should know that.

- Well, I don't know that.

We moved 12 times.

We move a dozen times?

- Yes. A dozen is 12. We moved 12 times.

- What happens?

What happens?

A big truck comes...

they put all your stuff inside,

and you move to another house.

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