The Kid Page #6

No.

Why?

Do you despise you?

When I look at him,

all I see are awful memories.

Memories I have been spending

most of my life trying to forget.

I'm sorry.

Hello? Kenny.

Nauseous about the wedding tomorrow?

My God, the wedding tomorrow.

Hang on a minute.

Wedding tomorrow.

What am I gonna do with him?

- We'll take him with us.

- What?

To an important event? Are you out

of your mind? Take him with us?

This is an important event

with people who respect me.

- He's gonna humiliate me.

- Hey!

- Ohh.

- Hey! I forbid you

to bond with this boy!

What, Kenny?

Who got sick?

Thank goodness your nephew

replaced little James.

None of the other children

was fat enough to fit in his clothes.

It's okay. It's okay.

Don't worry about it.

- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

- Yester-me. Yester-you

- Yesterday

- Ooh-ooh

What happened to

The world we knew

When we would dream and scheme

-And while the time away

- Don't worry.

Just take it off and shove it under

the table when no one's looking.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Where did it go

- Where did it go

That yester-glow

- Ha-ha.

- Hello.

- How are you?

- When we could feel

the wheels of life

Turn our way

Yester-me

Yester-you

Yesterday

- I know. Ohh...

- I had a dream

So did you

Life was warm

and love was true

- Two kids who followed all the rules

- Holy smokes.

- Russ! Russ!

- Yester-fools

-And now. Now it seems

- Excuse me, Clarissa.

- You're interrupting us. We're dancing.

- But it's really important.

- Not now, kid.

- But it's really, really, rrrr...

Werejust a cruel and foolish game

we had to play

- Drivin' you crazy, huh?

- Yeah.

- Yester-me. Yester-you

- It's different when they're your own.

Speaking of which,

- Yesterday

when you gonna give up your evil ways

and settle down?

- As soon as you become

available again, Clarissa.

- When I recall

- I'm serious.

- So am I.

- What we had

I feel lost

I feel sad

- With nothing but the memory of

- Amy, I have a question.

- Oh. Yester-love

- A big one.

- Okay.

-And now. Now it seems

What about that pretty woman

you came with today?

- You mean Amy? Nah, we work together.

- Those yester-dreams

- I've known her for a really long time.

- I know we haven't known each other

very long.

Don't worry about me.

When I meet the right person,

I'm sure I'll get around to asking.

- Yester-me. Yester-you

- In case I never get around to asking...

- Yesterday

- Somebody's making a move right now.

Oh. Come on and sing it

Yester-me

- Yester-you

- Amy...

- Yesterday

- Will you marry me?

Oh. Yester-me

- Yester-you

- Okay, let's go.

- Hey!

- Yesterday

- Let me go, you big jerk!

Wait a minute. Stop.

He asked me a question.

- Don't you want to know

what I was going to say?

- No.

- No?

- No. He had no right

asking you what he did, okay?

- You and I aren't even...

- Well, we are!

- Since when?

- MYOB!

- What?

Mind your own beeswax.

Do you or do you not want to know

what I was going to say?

- What were you gonna say?

- Yeah, what were you going to say?

Try it again.

Less practised indifference.

More warmth.

- What were you going to say?

- What were you gonna say?

So you want to know

what I was going to say.

- Take a walk.

- I'm the one who asked her.

- Just go away.

- What were you going to say?

- I was going to say...

- I'll have to think about it.

- Oh, really?

- Yes.

Because, impossibly,

what had previously seemed to me...

to be the worst idea in the universe

has, over the last 12 hours...

transmogrified into

not such a terrible idea...

opening a very small

window of opportunity for you.

- For me?

- Yeah.

Ah. And what if I didn't want

to take advantage of this opportunity?

A part of you obviously

wants to, and it is that part

of you that is causing me...

to think about it.

Are you...

asking me...

to think about it?

Wait. Wait a minute.

If you'll just wait, I...

I'm gonna go get the valet... the car...

the car from the...

But now. Now he was ready

to start feeling the love.

Oh. Yeah. Before the game this afternoon

with the visiting Orioles...

Riley invited a dozen kids to barrage

him with chocolate cream pies...

as a way to say. "I'm sorry. "

for what he claims is a simple case

of miscommunication.

Uncle Bob knows how to party!

This is so much fun!

- Some of these guys...

- So you crawled through the Dumpster

behind the bar after I left.

I shot that.

I'm part of this.

Tell me, do you know for certain

that he turned the funds over...

or is he maybe still sitting on them?

Poor little Amy.

Mixed up with a rotten boss...

who feels obligated

to his clients.

- Do you know that the number one

killer of young men...

- Russ!

The person I am pitying here

is not me.

Look, it's all my fault.

I made the big, stupid mistake.

I thought you'd change.

I'm so sorry.

I'm really sorry.

Do you want to know what the saddest

part of this whole thing is?

You could have been great.

Man. Man!

When do we ever stop blowing it?

Russ, we've gotta change.

We have to change.

That's pretty cool,

how we both have to, uh...

- It's our birthday tomorrow.

- Yeah, I know.

- Could I ask you a question?

- Sure.

- What happens next?

- What do you mean?

I mean to me.

Between being me and becoming you.

What happens?

- Do I ever do anything right?

- Well, sure you do.

You do a lot of things right.

- Like what?

- Well...

you make it through

grade school alive, barely.

In high school,

while you're still a loser...

you're no longer stupid.

You work your butt off

and you get good grades.

Very good grades. You end up

winning a scholarship to UCLA.

- I'm smart?

- Very smart.

But you're still a loser.

Hop in.

Scoot over.

In college, things start

to get a little bit better.

You join the track team,

find a speech therapist...

you continue to work your butt off...

and you graduate

at the top of your class.

You eventually go after

a master's degree in business.

Where I work my butt off.

Story of your life, kid.

The good news is that, while you are

currently a pathetic dweeb...

eventually you grow up to be me...

a high-powered, affluent chick magnet.

Who doesn't have a dog or a chick.

Is that how you see me?

A dogless, chickless guy?

- With a twitch.

- Right.

- When do I get that?

- I forget.

- When do I learn how to drive?

- When you're 16.

- When do I get a car?

- When you're 18.

When do I get a hickey?

- When you're 17.

- When do I find out what a hickey is?

Not tonight.

Russ?

- Yeah, kid.

- I get what you do now.

I mean, I get what I do.

When I grow up, for a living.

- I figured out how to explain.

- Let me hear it.

You help people lie

about who they really are...

so that they can pretend

to be someone else, right?

Yeah.

See? That's not hard to explain.

That's pretty good.

- Good night, buddy.

- Good night, kid.

This is ABC-7 Los Angeles.

Now. Eyewitness News.

Good evening. Everyone. And welcome.

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