The King of Comedy Page #10

PUPKIN:

Testing. Testing. Testing.

In the following montage, we hear in the background the

replay of his "testing, testing testing" and various

other noises -- a bit of his voice taped, a burst of

laughter, the squeal of a tape recorder sent fast-forward,

a sudden burst of applause, a scrap of theme music. At the

same time, the CAMERA PANS about the room. We look

at the collages which include all the obvious show business

figures, with a heavy emphasis on comedians from Chaplin

and Keaton to Sid Caesar and Woody Allen. The collages

also include such varied figures as Jimmy Carter, Julia

Childs, Tom Seaver, David Brinkley, Muhammad Ali, Clifford

Irving, Walter Cronkite and Mark Spitz. There is a special

Kennedy section -- John F. and Bobby framed in black,

Jackie in mourning and a picture of Teddy. There is also a

trio of assassins -- Sirhan, Oswald and James Earl Ray.

There is also a talk show collage with a photo of Langford

in the center like a sun surrounded by Snyder, Walters,

Carson and Griffin. One bookshelf holds a veritable

library of comedy -- joke books, biographies of comedians,

treasuries of American humor. Another shelf holds scores

of tapes in their own little boxes, each one neatly marked,

i.e., "LANGFORD MONOLOGUES: 7/5/72 to 9/9/72." "MISC.

MONOLOGUES 6/13/68 to 8/1/69."

CUT TO:

PUPKIN sitting before the tape recorder lost in thought.

Finally, he starts the larger recorder and lifts the mike.

PUPKIN:

First, Miss Long. Thanks very much

for your help at the office and for

passing this along to Jerry. I

appreciate it more than you know.

PUPKIN stops the tape recorder and thinks again for a few

beats. He then starts the large recorder.

PUPKIN:

Now, Jerry. Before I begin, I just

want to thank you for listening to

this material and for the opportunity

that you've given me. You know, lots

of people think that guys like you,

you know, people who have made it,

lose their feeling for struggling

young talent such as myself. But

now I know from experience that those

people are just cynics, embittered

by their own failure. I know, Jerry,

that you're as human as the rest of us,

if not more so. (pause) Oh well, I

guess there's no point going on about

it. You know how I feel. So let's get

on with the show. The best of Rupert

Pupkin! I've sketched out this little

introduction in order to save you a

little time. So close your eyes and

imagine it's exactly six o'clock.

You're standing in the wings and we

hear Rick Ross and the Orchestra strike

up your theme song.

PUPKIN pushes a button on the cassette and we hear the

theme song of the Jerry Langford Show, followed by the

voice of BERT CANTER, the announcer.

BERT CANTER'S VOICE

And now, direct from New York, it's

the Jerry Langford Show! Tonight,

with Jerry's special guest ...

PUPKIN deftly shuts off the cassette and substitutes his

own voice for that of CANTER's. The large tape recorder

keeps rolling.

PUPKIN:

... the comedy find of the year making

his television debut, Rupert Pupkin, the

King of Comedy!

PUPKIN rapidly races the cassette tape forward, then pushes

down the "play" button. We hear a burst of thundering

applause. PUPKIN lets the applause run for a while and

then shuts it off. The large recorder keeps rolling.

PUPKIN:

Now you come on, Jerry, and do your

monologue. Then, when the time comes,

this is how I see you introducing me.

You'll say something like this.

"Ladies and Gentlemen we're going to

do something a little bit different

tonight. It isn't often that you can

call someone a sure thing in the

entertainment business. After all,

the verdict is always in your hands.

But I think after you've met my next

guest, that you'll agree with me that

he's destined for greatness. So,

now, will you please give your warmest

welcome to the newest King of Comedy,

Rupert Pupkin!!!"

PUPKIN pushes the cassette and we hear another enormous

burst of applause. PUPKIN lets it run, listening intently.

He stands up and faces a wall of his room, still holding

the microphone. WE SEE that the wall is covered by a huge

blow-up of an audience laughing and applauding.

CUT TO:

45INT:
THE LANGFORD TELEVISION STUDIO - NIGHT

WE SEE a real audience laughing and applauding.

CUT TO:

PUPKIN strides triumphantly onto the stage, nodding to

acknowledge the applause. He stops center stage as the

television cameras maneuver about him.

CUT TO:

A SHOT of the "APPLAUSE" sign flashing, then stopping.

Still, the applause goes on.

CUT TO:

PUPKIN raises his hands to quiet the audience. After a few

moments the applause dies down, except for a pair of hands

in the center of the orchestra. PUPKIN peers out to see

who is still applauding.

CUT TO:

RITA, in the middle of the audience, applauds

enthusiastically.

CUT TO:

PUPKIN on stage. PUPKIN gives RITA a special smile and

nod.

PUPKIN:

Will somebody tell that lovely lady

that the applause sign is off.

The audience laughs.

CUT TO:

46INT:
PUPKIN'S ROOM - DAY

PUPKIN stands facing the "audience" still holding the mike.

PUPKIN:

That's a possible introduction, Jerry.

Now let's move on to my act.

CUT TO:

47INT:
THE RECEPTION AREA OF THE LANGFORD SHOW - DAY

PUPKIN is pacing. He is wearing another suit, this one a

broad-lapelled-grey. He is freshly shaved, is hair neatly

combed, his shoes carrying a bright shine. He clutches a

small flat box, neatly wrapped with the words 'FOR JERRY

LANGFORD" written clearly across the top in large print.

CATHY LONG emerges from one of the back corridors into the

reception area.

CATHY LONG:

Yes?

PUPKIN:

(suddenly a bit shy)

I didn't want to take any chances

with this ... uh ... Miss Long, so I

... uh ... thought I'd just bring it

here myself.

He hands CATHY LONG the package as though it contained

nitroglycerine.

CATHY LONG:

We talked about this this morning,

did we, Mr. ... ?

PUPKIN:

Pupkin. Rupert Pupkin.

CATHY LONG:

Oh, yes. It's been some day. (pause)

Well, I certainly appreciate your

bringing this over, Mr. Pupkin, and

we'll listen to it as soon as possible.

PUPKIN:

Fine. Er ... you don't have any idea

how soon that might be?

CATHY LONG:

Well, you can try checking with us

tomorrow. We might know something

by then. Otherwise, it'll have to

be Monday.

PUPKIN:

What if I just sort of waited around

here today, just in case? I'll stay

out of the way.

CATHY LONG:

You'd just be wasting your time,

Mr. Pupkin. We won't know anything

until tomorrow at the earliest.

PUPKIN:

Oh, I wouldn't consider it a waste of

time at all. I'd be glad to do it.

CATHY LONG:

Look, why don't you try us tomorrow.

Okay?

PUPKIN:

Tomorrow? ... Right. I'll do that.

Thanks a lot, Miss Long. And thank

Jerry.

CATHY LONG smiles at PUPKIN and goes, leaving PUPKIN

staring at a picture of LANGFORD on the wall. WE FIX on

LANGFORD a moment and PULL BACK to see LANGFORD in what

PUPKIN would imagine his office to be.

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