The King of Comedy Page #6

RITA:

Him?

PUPKIN:

Why him?

RITA:

What am I supposed to do, huh? Sit

home watching TV? He's just some guy.

He's got his own aluminum siding

business. He comes into the city

sometimes, that's all.

PUPKIN:

You don't go out with him for his

money?!?

RITA:

Oh, horrors! Look, Rupert, what do

you think they pay me in that dump?

Ninety-five bucks. And you don't get

the world's greatest tippers in there

either. Somebody has to take care of

me.

PUPKIN:

That's what I want to talk to you

about, Rita.

The WAITER arrives with RITA's drink.

PUPKIN:

Who's your favorite movie star?

RITA:

You are, Rupert. Especially your nose.

PUPKIN:

Just tell me.

RITA:

Is this some kind of game? Are you

going to tell me something about my

character?

PUPKIN:

You'll see. Give me his name.

RITA:

I can't think of anybody.

PUPKIN:

You've got to have one, Rita. Everybody

does.

RITA:

Okay. Okay. Let's see. (pause)

Marilyn Monroe.

PUPKIN slowly pulls out a leather-bound book from his

inside jacket pocket.

RITA:

Oh, Rupert! Are we going to exchange

phone numbers!?

PUPKIN expertly flips to a middle page in the book and,

keeping the book open, his finger pointing under a name,

he turns the book to RITA.

RITA:

That's her name.

PUPKIN:

Her name! She signed this herself,

especially for me.

RITA starts flipping through the book, curious about the

other names. She isn't paying any attention to what PUPKIN

is saying.

PUPKIN:

She wasn't a great actress but she had

a real gift for comedy. She died

tragically, you know, alone, like so

many of the world's most beautiful

women. I'm going to see that doesn't

happen to you, Rita.

RITA:

Who's this one?

PUPKIN checks the book.

PUPKIN:

Burt Reynolds.

RITA:

Oh yeah, the guy with no clothes.

Who's this?

PUPKIN:

Mel Brooks.

RITA:

And this?

PUPKIN:

Carol Burnett.

RITA:

No kidding. How about this?

PUPKIN:

Glenda Jackson.

RITA:

Never heard of her.

PUPKIN:

(pointing to other names)

And that's Woody Allen and there's

Ernie Kovacs -- he's dead -- and that

one's Lauren Bacall.

RITA:

You don't really know any of these

people?

PUPKIN:

Take a look at this.

PUPKIN flips to one of the back pages and shows a name to

RITA.

RITA:

(squinting)

I can't make it out.

PUPKIN:

Try.

RITA:

This is really weird handwriting!

Exasperated, PUPKIN follows the name in question with his

index finger.

PUPKIN:

Rooooper ....

RITA:

(guessing)

Redford!

PUPKIN:

That's Robert Redford.

RITA:

It is?

PUPKIN:

No! It's ... it's Rupert Pupkin

PUPKIN tears out the page and hands it to her shyly. RITA

just stares at it and back at PUPKIN.

PUPKIN:

Don't lose it. It's going to be worth

something in a couple of weeks.

RITA start laughing.

PUPKIN:

That's what I've been trying to tell

you. Things are really breaking for

me. I'm ticketed for stardom.

RITA laughs harder, despite efforts to be serious.

PUPKIN:

Only a couple of hours ago, I was

talking to Jerry Langford, the Jerry

Langford. Stop it, Rita!

RITA pulls herself together for a moment.

PUPKIN:

We were talking about my doing my act

on his show.

RITA:

(suppressing a smile)

Your act?

PUPKIN:

Get that guy you knew from Clifton out

of your head right now. You're looking

at Rupert Pupkin, Rita. Rupert Pupkin,

the new King of Comedy.

RITA starts laughing hysterically, in spite of herself.

RITA:

(getting a grip on herself)

I'm sorry.

PUPKIN:

Why not me, Rita? A guy can always

get what he wants if he's willing to

pay the price. All it takes is a

little talent and sacrifice and the

right break. If you've got a friend

in the right place, that's all it

takes. And that's exactly what I

have going for me right now. After

all, crazier things have happened.

RITA listens silently for a moment, then begins to giggle.

As PUPKIN resumes speaking, we CUT between RITA and the

YOUNG MAN. Their flirtation picks up steam. The YOUNG MAN

raises his eyebrows as if to ask, "Are you interested in

me?" She smiles. All the while, PUPKIN rattles on.

PUPKIN:

You just don't realize what a shot on

the Langford Show can mean. That's

coast to coast, national TV, a bigger

audience than the greatest comedians

used to play to in a lifetime. A shot

like that means a free ticket on the

comedy circuit -- Flip Wilson one week,

Cosby the next, then Sonny and Cher or

Carol Burnett. And you've always got

those other talk shows to fall back on

-- Carson, Griffin. And all that leads

straight in one direction, Rita --

Hollywood! That's when we really start

living. How does this sound to you --

a beach house in Malibu, right on the

ocean. You'll get a beautiful tan,

believe me. And we'd keep a suite at

the Sherry. That's the only place to

stay when you're big. We could get

something on a top floor and look down

on all our old friends in Clifton and

just laugh. How does that sound to you?

RITA:

It sounds wonderful, Rupert, and I

really hope you get what you want.

But it's getting late and I'm a working

girl. You know what I mean?

The telephone at the back of the restaurant starts ringing.

A WAITER in the background moves slowly to answer it.

PUPKIN:

You going to spend the rest of your

life in that place? Is that what you

really want, talking about nothing with

nothings? I thought you wanted something

a little better than that and that's what

I'm offering. Every King needs a Queen,

Rita. I want you to be mine. What do

you say?

RITA:

You really want to help me out? You

see this. (She points to her lower

back molar) A hundred seventy-five

bucks. If you could spare fifty, say,

until next Monday, that would keep

three people really happy -- me, my

landlord and my dentist.

During RITA's speech, the WAITER has been working his way

from the phone booth towards the front of the restaurant.

WAITER:

Telephone for you, Miss.

RITA:

(looking puzzled)

Me? Nobody knows I'm here. You didn't

tell anybody, did you?

PUPKIN:

No.

RITA:

(getting up)

What the hell's going on?

CAMERA FOLLOWS RITA, who walks to the back of the

restaurant and picks up the dangling receiver in one of

the two facing booths, the other of which is occupied.

14INT:
THE PHONE BOOTH - NIGHT

RITA:

Hello?

MAN'S VOICE

Hi.

RITA:

Who is this?

MAN'S VOICE

Who do you think it is? I've been

staring at you all evening.

RITA:

Where are you?

The YOUNG MAN taps forcefully with his index finger on the

glass door of his booth. RITA, hearing the noise, turns

around and finds herself staring at the YOUNG MAN. She

smiles.

CUT TO:

15 INT:
THE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

PUPKIN at the table looking over the check. He gets out a

ten dollar bill. RITA emerges from the booth in nervous

high spirits.

RITA:

(with repressed gaiety)

You know who that was -- the bar. I

have to go back to work.

PUPKIN:

How did they know you were here?

RITA:

(gathering her things)

I guess I must have told them. They

need someone right away.

PUPKIN:

(accusingly)

You don't even care, do you?

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