The Kings of Summer Page #3

I came early.

Oh, sh*t.

Dude.

Oh, my God.

F***, yeah.

Patrick.

What the f...? Jesus.

- What time is it, man?

- Who cares?

We're out in the woods.

There's no time in the woods.

Let's go exploring.

- What?

- What?

You go outside

and you look at the...

the sun, and the higher

it is in the sky,

the later it is in the day.

"We do swear,

"under pain

of friendship lost,

"to never speak

"of this enterprise

to any adult,

"and to never betray

its location

"or its participants,

"and from this day forthwith

"to boil our own water,

"kill our own food,

build our own shelter

and be our own men."

All right, we need cool names

for everything.

Like, awesome,

mythical names.

- No, we don't.

- Or, uh...

The Trees of Destiny.

Oh!

- No.

- No! The map!

- So, Patrick's a wrestler?

- Oh, very good one.

- Yes, a good one.

- Very good wrestler.

So what's that,

Greco-Roman or arena?

Don't answer that.

Greco-Roman. What's arena?

Arena is pro.

Do you think

that Joe would run away

- to prove a point?

- Oh, hold on now.

We don't know

that they've run away.

I mean, there is

absolutely no reason

that Patrick would run away.

Not for Patrick to run away, no.

- Okay.

- You're right.

It's a classic kidnapping.

They took our children

and the canned goods and pasta.

All right, look,

I hate to admit it,

but Frank is right.

Right now, we have to assume

that these

are voluntary disappearances.

Wow. What do you know?

The police, always pushing

their pig Irish agendas.

Whoa.

Mrs. Keenan,

I assure you,

there is no other agenda

than to find your son right now.

No. The Irish

are the blacks of Europe.

The blacks of Europe.

- Oh, my God.

- Period.

- That's powerful stuff.

- That's not...

Okay, wow.

Sweetheart, I'm Irish, okay?

We're under a lot

of stress, Captain.

I'm sorry about...

You know Patrick

was our only boy.

- "Is."

- Did you know that?

- Yes, I do.

- Did you?

I'm well aware.

Listen, according

to the report,

$80 to $100 in food

and housewares is missing.

From the Toy house,

we are down a tool set,

grill utensils

and about $240 in cash.

Now, I presume

we're not pressing charges.

Frank, would you like

to press charges against Joe?

Not at this time.

He took the Monopoly, too.

Obviously to spite me.

Maybe he just wanted

something to remember you by.

No way.

He hates that damn game.

Did you see him the other night?

Well, he used to love it,

you know,

when it was, like,

the four of us.

You're kind of shitting

on his memories, Dad.

Well, what am I

supposed to do, Heather?

You know, if I died,

he'd get

over it in about six weeks.

Uh, sir,

Chinese food is here,

so I would like to actually...

How much?

Uh, it's $51.

$51?

What the hell did you order?

Heather?

Don't look at me.

I got dumplings.

I'm not even hungry.

Yeah, I actually ordered a...

a large portion of the shrimp

with lobster sauce.

I figured it was pretty neutral.

We can eat it family-style.

- Neutral?

- Mm-hmm.

Shrimp with lobster sauce?

Yeah.

I can't think

of a more marginal dish

in any culture.

- Hi.

- Hey.

What's your name?

My American name is Gary.

You ever have one

of those days, Gary?

What kind of days?

The kind I'm

having right now.

I don't know what kind

of day you're having.

Where you feel

like somebody

is pissing in your face

all day long.

Is that good or bad?

- Bad.

- Bad.

Gary,

every time...

You see those wontons, Gary?

- You see the size of them?

- Mm-hmm.

Those wontons are too big,

my friend.

Everybody loves those.

People ask us for the recipe.

We won't provide it.

It's part of our training...

how to deal with people

who want the recipe too bad.

- Oh? -We have a phrase

we have to repeat.

- What is that?

- "We won't provide it."

I can see the value

of these now.

I can have the kids

from the neighborhood come over

- Oh, sarcasm, I get it.

- It's like a bouncy house.

The poor man's wit.

My question for you, Gary, is:

How do you want me to eat these

with my normal human mouth?

Do you want me to unhinge my jaw

like an anaconda?

Should I put this in my belly

and lay out in the sun

- for two months, digesting it?

- Dad, enough! My God!

- Just pay the poor guy.

- My God. Yeah, and maybe

you should get

some forks in the house

so your dad doesn't have

to unhinge his stupid jaw to...

We're done here, and for

the record, your wontons

are way too big.

Nobody can f***ing eat those.

No, I can eat them;

Just give them to me.

- Good night, Gary.

- I'd be very happy to eat those.

Your house

has a bad vibe.

No more rice,

no more pasta.

It's time to eat an honest meal.

Biaggio?

You and I will take

to the trees.

Patrick,

you, uh...

Yeah, yeah, I know.

I- I pick berries and apples

and forage.

And it makes a lot

of sense, yeah.

Oh, what?

You should be the hunter

just because you're stronger?

Yeah.

Oh, don't...

don't drink the water.

Uh-uh,

I shouldn't have done that.

I'm glad you

came out, Biaggio.

I mean, this is...

this is our rite

of passage, goddamn it.

Have you ever felt

this at one with...

with yourself?

With your instincts,

with nature?

This...

this masculine?

I don't know.

I don't really see myself

as having a gender.

Is that a problem?

It's not great.

This way to the bison,

my friend.

When you get up here,

you can see a field of bison

majestically grazing.

Ooh, get your weapon ready.

Yeah.

Let's go, Biaggio.

Come on.

No, but the...

the quarter dark

is so good.

Boston Market, that's...

that's from our old life,

our weak life.

Wait here.

What will it attract...

scavengers?

Scavengers?

Look at this.

Fit for a goddamn king.

Are there any bears

in these woods?

Hope so.

A bear would feed us

for a month.

Perhaps we can disillusion him.

A bear who doesn't believe

in anything

will be easier to bring down.

I... I guess I agree with that.

Might be a little small.

One, two, three, four, five.

You have a tag on your pants.

Did you buy new clothes

for this?

It comes like that...

it's the style.

Yes!

Okay, come on.

No, the swords.

We got it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh, God, okay.

Flip, flip, flip the thing,

and I'll, uh...

I'll take its life.

Strike it at its neck.

Don't compromise the meat.

- I know, I know.

- It may plead; Don't listen.

- Be cold, clinical

with the blade. -I will.

It may try to bargain...

this is natural.

- Just turn it!

- Okay!

Yeah, I'm just surprised

you found a live chicken

in these woods.

Yup, yes, sir.

That's amazing.

Biaggio,

your corn pudding is to die for.

I have to know the recipe.

Mmm.

Oh, God.

So smug.

Dude,

food attracts mice.

And you know what mice attract?

- Stupid f***ing questions?

- No.

They attract snakes.

In Italian, the word for "snake"

means "the demon's cock."

- No, it doesn't. -There's

a chance that it doesn't.

Whatever, dude.

From here on out,

- all the food goes either in the

fire or in the ground. -

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