The Kings of Summer Page #4

God, man, you're

so doom and gloom

all the time.

Just enjoy this.

It's not doom and gloom, bro.

I just found a copperhead

skin two hours ago.

I read once that animals

see fear as a color.

I thought you can't read.

No, I can read.

I can't cry.

Well, there you go.

Okay, we traced

Joe and Patrick's cell phones

to this bus.

Savanovic, Dietzel,

check under the seats,

see if the bathroom's locked.

This is an artist's projection

of what he might look like now.

The beard may be a little full.

They aren't here.

This is a waste

of real time, Davis.

You can check under

the bus if you want.

There's not a lot of air

that can make it

under there, but...

Listen to me. Our son ran away

about eight years ago.

- I'm sorry. Did he come back?

- So, he came back?

- Well, it was a really hard time

for us. -Uh, thank you.

Jesus, we don't need this

right now, sir. Are you okay?

- Uh, what does he mean?

- He doesn't mean anything.

- You need to lean on each other.

- Sir.

- Oh, my God.

- Get him back on the bus.

- Davis. -No, I don't want

to get on the bus.

I'm a licensed therapist!

This is Joe's bag.

It's empty.

- That's Patrick's phone.

- That's Joe's.

Some dude had a beeper?

That's dope.

W-Wait a minute.

What... what is that?

What does that mean?

It's a Monopoly piece.

My piece.

He's taunting me.

He's like the Zodiac Killer.

Okay, the worst thing you can do

is hope right now.

I'm just letting you know.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

We have to do this for real.

Ready?

One, two...

a-one, two, three, four!

Cheers.

We have water, shelter.

We can put a balanced meal

on the table.

I mean, we answer to no one.

We're men.

Just now?

Just happened?

Just happened, man.

You don't say.

All I'm saying

is that if anything

was missing from all of this...

...it'd be a woman's touch.

We have Biaggio.

Doesn't count.

- Right here. Hey, hey, hey.

- Oh, what, what?

Hey.

- Hello.

- Got to get my drink on.

Hi. Do you guys want anything?

Uh, I got a Titleist right here.

It's worth like $3.50,

so if I could get

a Sun Chips and a beer

and then 50 cents

in change,

that would be fantastic.

Okay, well, we do not

run on a barter system.

What the f***

is a "barger" system?

- Barter.

- Barger?

When you use equal goods

or services instead of cash.

So you admit that these

are equal goods

- in your barger system.

- Yeah, but we

do not run on a barter system.

That's not the point.

You're on the news, Joe.

Your dad was on K-19.

Okay, please.

My dad is loving

every second of this, okay?

No, Joe, I seriously doubt that.

So, uh...

...does Patrick have a really

big, crazy beard now, too?

Yeah, yeah, his is a little

more serious than mine.

I have... I have thin hair.

You know, you have to groom it.

Oh, right.

Yeah, like Paul's

sick-ass goatee?

Uh...

I guess you wouldn't

have heard...

Paul and I broke up.

Oh.

This isn't over, Kelly.

This isn't over, Kelly!

Uh... uh, no,

I did not catch wind of that.

Um...

I'm sorry, though.

I, uh, came here actually

to invite you to dinner.

Uh, sort of like a...

a housewarming thing.

- If you want.

- Yeah, obviously I want to,

but how do I...

how do I get there?

Do I have to...

be blindfolded

or something?

In all seriousness,

it's of

absolute vital importance

that you not tell anyone,

- not bring anyone. No one.

- Yes.

- This is life or death, Kelly.

- Okay, okay, okay.

Okay.

B*tch.

Joe.

Dude.

Biaggio.

You're camouflaged horribly.

Dude!

Where's Joe?

What's up, man?

What's up?

Have you seen Joe?

No, I don't know

where he is.

But where's Biaggio?

You're right here.

You're right... Oh, God.

Okay, fine, fine.

We bought a few chickens.

Less than 30, more than 25.

But the fact

is Biaggio and I

have been hunting and getting

pretty goddamn dangerous

out there.

This is hypocrisy.

Joe, listen to yourself.

How can you sleep at night?

Look, I can deal with the fact

that the chickens

were store-bought.

Okay? I can.

But it really bothers me

that the loaded potato

isn't Biaggio's recipe.

No. No, no, that

actually really is.

I... I honestly have no idea

where he's getting chives.

So, um, can I pass or...?

Judy keeps saying

that wherever they are,

at least they have each other.

I guess that calms me down

sometimes, you know?

I got to

wonder whose idea it all was.

Yeah.

Wait, are you serious?

It could have been

Patrick's idea.

No way. Oh, my gosh.

Joe is the one who drove them

to the movies

when they were nine.

Remember?

Only reason they got caught

is 'cause they went

through a drive-through.

Sunfish. Damn it.

Joe is the one who tied

Patrick's pet turtle to a kite.

Wanted to send him up

into space.

I forgot about that.

Are you laughing?

Are you laughing at that?

It was... it was more

of a laugh of admiration.

For the murder

of a turtle?

The turtle died, then?

Yeah, the turtle

died, Frank.

I suppose that's a shame.

The problem is

Joe's a mama's boy.

Clarissa was good for him.

She just let him be.

Something about his innate

sense of menace

seemed to charm her.

Now it's just the two of us.

I- I'm afraid I broke him.

I mean, our sons did run away.

They don't... they don't want

to be with us.

They don't want

to live in our houses.

I guess maybe... we did do

something wrong, you know?

What the heck?

Ah.

Patrick is the one

who set up Bicycle Olympics

in my goddamn swimming pool.

That was a nice

$1,300 repair job.

I never called you about that.

Thought we were having

a moment just then, Frank.

And Bicycle Olympics

was Joe's idea.

Goddamn it.

Joe, I love it here.

I want to spend the rest

of my days with you.

That's an emotional fact for me.

Yes, but...

But I worry.

I can't keep my brain

from worrying.

My...

my woman brain.

Ah, my sweet Kelly,

why should we let it

ruin this moment?

Joe!

It's time to come home.

Leave us, Frank.

The forest is ours.

You're out of your depth.

You made a fool of me

in front of the whole town, boy.

A harlequin.

He is a man grown, and his path

is his own to choose.

Silence, land-trunt.

You win.

Perfect.

Joe. Hey, bro,

we got company.

Lots of company.

Hi, brother.

All right.

This is so great, Joe.

Yo, bros,

what did you guys do

with this chicken?

Melts in your

goddamn mouth, right?

So, um, do you guys eat

the same thing every night?

Yeah, a lot of chicken.

They're everywhere here.

- Right, Joe?

- Oh.

All sorts of them.

Yeah, Patrick, um,

he usually takes care

of the gathering,

you know, berries, roots.

I take care of the meat

and the protein.

And the shopping.

He's a great bargain hunter.

I do the hunting.

So, Biaggio, what do you do?

I met a dog the other day

that taught me how to die.

Yeah, uh, Biaggio here,

he's a...

he's a real renaissance man.

I have incredible focus.

You should see his hands.

So quick.

This cat right here,

he can snatch trout

right out

of the goddamn stream.

Just...

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