The Kitchen Page #4

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That's embarrassing. Uh...

Afghanistan?

Why does that cake say "Jenni" on it?

I've never been to Afghanistan.

I've never been outside of America.

Stanley.

What is your problem?

Well... Sorry, man.

[ Penny ] It's your pants.

Yeah. She's right.

It's the pants.

There's an Iraqi war vet coming.

I just assumed it was you.

- Penny, don't, don't, don't! Penny!

- I think this is way better.

It's not way better. Now it looks

like we're giving her a used cake.

You're sabotaging me.

Everyone's out to get me. Okay.

# [ Band:
Pop ]

[ Chattering ]

Oh, really?

Don't mind Stan.

He's a little stressed out.

He's throwing this birthday

party for my sister,

who he is not so secretly

in love with.

He's wrong.

It's not gonna happen.

- She doesn't love him?

- No, 'cause he's gay.

- Don't you think he's gay?

- I just met the guy, so...

- Don't ask me. I think everybody's gay. Everybody.

- What about you?

Well, I'm not really concerned

about who's gay and who's not gay.

I'm more concerned about the women.

You know what I'm talking about?

Are you asking

if I'm a lesbian?

What?

That's crazy.

Why would you think that?

That's exactly what I'm asking.

Are you?

I wish I was.

Why is that?

Well if I was a lesbian, I would not

be having an abortion on Thursday.

[ Clears Throat ] What?

Wow.

Okay. Wow. Yeah.

Um, I can't take

these people anymore. What?

I mean, first this guy. Why would you

just drop a bomb on us like that?

I'm just telling you

the truth. We don't even know you.

You're outing one guy

and giving me abortion updates.

- I mean, what the f***?

- You're at a party, okay?

We are mingling.

This is mingling.

This is your idea

of mingling? [ Kenny ] Peter! Hey!

Hey, man.

How you doing?

How you doing?

Did you just get here?

Yeah, pretty much.

This is my buddy.

Hey, how you doing?

Sorry. Kenny. Andre.

Nice to meet you.

How you doing, man?

I'm good.

Uh, I'd like to be better.

So, anyone?

Oh!

Oh, he brought a little friend.

Okay, maybe now I might stay.

All right.

I like this guy. Let's go.

You wanna go

to my room? Yeah. Let's do it.

[ Kenny ] Oh. You wanna come with, pretty Penny?

[ Andre ] No, she's not coming.

- [ Kenny ] What?

- Well, because she is pregnant,

and I don't smoke up

with girls who are pregnant.

Ha! Bullshit.

Wait.

You're pregnant?

Yeah.

Am I the father?

Seeing as you

can't get pregnant from kissing someone,

No.

Wish I was the father.

[ Peter ]

All right. Come on, Kenny-saurus.

Yeah, yeah.

We should go partake, you know?

Yeah. Yep. Okay.

[ Peter ]

Kenny, Come on. Let's go. Yep.

[ Woman ]

What's up? We're Coral Reef.

[ Cheering, Applauding ]

[ Man ] Whoo!

[ Chattering ]

Uh, Margot said there

was a band in here.

Uh, yeah. Someone said

that there was a band playing.

Yeah, it got

a little crowded in here,

so I told them to move

their sh*t outside.

Cool. Thank you.

Beer.

Is in the fridge.

Cool.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Bottles Clinking ]

They did these experiments

with chimps...

where they put a banana

inside of a glass jar.

And the chimps,

seeing the banana,

sticks his hand in the jar,

whose opening is barely big enough...

for his hand

to fit through, and he grabs the banana.

But the problem is...

is that he can't get his little monkey

hand with the banana out of the jar,

but he won't let go

of the banana.

What is a monkey to do?

Oh. Good monkey.

[ Chuckles ]

You know,

you're sort of unpleasant.

How quickly the monkey learns.

Come back when you learn how to

make fire, and then we can talk.

Who needs?

- Hey.

- Hey.

What's this?

- It's your birthday cake.

Don't. - Why not?

Isn't it, like, bad luck to look

at it if your candles aren't lit?

I think you're thinking of the bride

seeing the groom before the wedding.

I might be.

Who are all of these people?

I don't know.

I think they're with the band.

What is this part

that's scraped off here?

[ Snickers ]

It was a bit of a typo.

Figures.

You have a present to open.

Oh, yay.

I wonder what it is.

Hmm.

Hmm.

What is it?

Earrings.

Wow!

You want em?

Yeah.

Take 'em.

Wait. Why don't you want them?

Because my friend Kim

only got them for me...

'cause she felt guilty

about sleeping with Paul.

She did not.

She did.

[ Groans ]

Well, she may have

awful taste in men,

but she has a good eye

for jewelry.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Don't be stupid.

It would appear

that the Parker sisters...

are not having

their best week ever.

You know, tonight I will be

looking around this party,

and I will have no idea

how many of my friends slept with Paul.

That's not Paul's,

is it? No.

Ouch.

I'm sorry.

Okay. All right.

You're allowed to say

one mean thing to me a year,

and that... that just filled your

quota for this year and the next.

I'm sorry.

I'm operating on no sleep.

What's up?

What was that?

Tha-That's our thing.

Your thing?

Mm-hmm.

Your thing is to nod

at the creepiest guy in the universe?

He's your roommate.

Yeah. Hopefully not for too much longer.

[ Sighs ]

Are you sure you wanna be here?

We should just get out of here.

No. Why?

It's your birthday party, and you're supposed to

be all happy, and you just broke up with Paul.

No. He is an a**hole.

I'm not gonna let

what he did ruin the rest of my life.

But you think it's all right

if it ruins one evening?

No. F*** him.

You know why?

Because tonight, I am gonna dance.

Oh, God, please don't do that.

I am gonna get f***ing wasted.

- And you know what else?

- What?

I'm gonna kiss a guy tonight.

- You're a maniac.

- Yeah, I know. Hol-ler.

[ Laughs ]

[ Sighs ]

Do you know how long it's been

since I kissed someone other than Paul?

Almost two and a half years

to the day.

I'm 30.

So that means that almost

one-tenth of my life...

has been wasted on that f***er.

This is so gross.

It's like I haven't done

anything with my life.

Not true.

What are you talking about?

Jennifer, you're gonna open

your own gallery.

This is your dream.

Have you thought about what

you're gonna call it at all? Don't laugh.

I would never.

The Jennifer Parker Gallery.

Oh, That's... That's...

That's clever. Yeah.

I actually feel

pretty good about it.

I've thought about that one

for kind of a long time.

[ Chuckles ]

Of course now I won't have anyone to

bring with me to my first exhibition.

I'm still attractive, aren't I?

I think the last time

you asked me that, you were 15 years old.

Yeah, and I'm gonna ask you

once every 15 years.

Be honest.

Oh, come on, you're beautiful.

[ Laughs ]

I'm gonna be there

for you this week.

I swear.

I am gonna hold your hand,

and I'm gonna tell you

awesome stories...

every minute that

you're at that clinic.

And I'm gonna

make you laugh, like, super hard.

[ Laughs ]

But tonight...

I'm gonna have...

the best time ever.

Oh! Yeah!

Gotta wake up that

crazy Mexican inside me.

We're Swiss-Irish,

but, you know...

You ready?

No, don't do that.

That is

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