The Knot Page #3

Alex, meet Voller.

I don't see much right now,

but I do see potential.

Pollyanna! Potential?

- I see lots of potential.

- Hmm.

I'm sorry, but who are you?

Alex, he's that celebrity

from that reality show,

- Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow...

- No.

For the next hour,

I am the puppeteer and you are my work

in this cruel theatre of life. Hmm.

Everybody out!

Out! Out!

- Bye.

- Except you. With the camera.

My art must be captured.

Good luck.

Right now you are a lump of coal,

but when I am finished,

you shall be a diamond.

Yes.

Uh, please, please don't go crazy.

Some of the greats were crazy, hmm?

Apparently Walt Disney was a Nazi,

and look what he achieved.

I don't know what her problem is.

It's just a bit unusual, all being in one item.

Yeah, it's not that she doesn't appreciate it.

Well, she should. Because it's old,

borrowed, and blue, like it says.

You wash, right?

Hmm.

- It suits you.

- Thank you.

I'm shooting a make-over show.

This would be so much more interesting

if you were a b*tch.

Yeah, I really, really... I love it.

My regular guy said this style

wouldn't suit my face shape.

The man is a buffoon.

You guys are both welcome

to come to the wedding, if you'd like.

Part of the service is that

we do your hair, and make-up,

or anything at the event, so, thank you.

I can't attend. I'm exhausted.

My creativity is drained.

But remember everything, Pollyanna,

and immerse me in the nuptials

of the proletariat.

I depart.

I love it!

And has marriage

ever come up before?

You know, like, in a previous,

uh, relationship?

You know it has.

So you're doing this for him?

We're doing it for us.

It's not the 18th century.

Women don't get married

because they have to,

they get married because they want to.

We said "honesty". it's for the film.

So put yourself back then.

You didn't want to get married,

she did, and... action.

I didn't love her.

I think you can think you're in love,

but ask yourself if you wanna spend

the rest of your life with that person

and you might just reassess.

Him promising himself to me,

and my belief in him.

That means everything.

What's the difference with Alex?

Me.

# With a beautiful face

# With beautiful eyes, beautiful eyes #

it's the only way he's gonna learn.

Why are we using these cups?

Couldn't find the mugs.

I think I'm getting

quite nervous, actually.

It's not that hard, Pete.

I just had my face in sh*t...

Yeah, yeah. Not about the organisation.

I mean, at the end of the day,

he's gonna be Mr Giddings.

What if he turns into his dad?

- Jeremy?

- Jeremy!

Jeremy,

you getting married today, you big old fool?

One of us could be next.

No.

I don't see any of us getting married soon.

- We're real men.

- Mmm.

Ah.

I mean, parents always go on

about gaining a daughter or a son.

- I mean, what do we get?

- Nish.

Or lame excuses about why

they can't go out with the boys,

because them and the missus

need some quality time.

I mean, why don't people just say,

"Not tonight, I'm shagging the missus. "

Twenty years, us boys. We're like The Beatles.

Now Alex has come along

and taken our Lennon.

There were four of them.

Well, you're like the fifth one that died

of a brain haemorrhage or something,

but is still here.

To Jeremy, still being a man.

- Pete.

- Hmm.

To Jeremy and Alex. The smart ones.

Do you think he's gonna change?

Nah. He'll always be the one helping us out.

Good point, and today we have to help him.

'Cause if Mandy did send those balls

in the jar, she's probably gonna turn up.

We have to be on the lookout.

I don't want any more problems today.

Do you hear me? No more pranks.

Wasabi? Yeah, funny, you pricks!

No more pranks.

Wow, you do really great work.

Thank you.

So, I called Anisha's boyfriend,

and he hasn't seen her in three days.

But she picked up her dress,

so that's a good sign.

Oh, I'm gonna kill her. it's my wedding day.

She's run off with a bloody stripper.

"The chap":

She's probably being f***ed

by "the chap" right now.

She needs to stop thinking with her p*ssy

and start thinking with her brain.

Slut.

Well, I'm jealous.

Really?

Jules! If there's anything

you wanna add on tape

about marital sex, or the lack thereof,

I think it would fit in nicely

with the wider brief.

No.

- Beautiful.

You look amazing.

Jeremy's a lucky guy.

You make sure he knows how lucky he is.

What else can we say?

Sluts get f***ed

'cause they think with their p*ssy.

- The car is here.

- Shut up. Baby, car is here.

Come on, vamos!

I'll see you later.

Bye.

Okay, have we got everything?

Old? New? Borrowed? Blue?

- Sorry. Er, ah, bouquet!

- Yes.

- Uh, veil?

- Yes.

- Garter?

- Yes.

- Vows?

- In my head.

- Tiara?

- On my head.

- No, it's not.

- Where is it?

I don't know. We'll find it.

Come on, we gotta go.

Oh, you okay?

- Whoa, you all right?

- Sorry, I just feel like I'm gonna be sick.

Hey, it's just nerves, you'll be fine, okay?

- Okay.

- Right. Let's go!

Oh.

This is more than just nerves.

I gotta go.

Sandra?

I think she's going to be sick.

From the nerves.

Okay.

Mmm.

Hello, my name is Sandra.

Bye.

- Start again.

- Why are you touching my elbow?

- Start again.

- Why are you touching...

- Restart, no, restart...

- Don't touch the...

- ... because that is not... No.

- Just focus on the game.

So how do I look?

You look fine, man. You look fine.

What? I don't look good? Yeah, leave it to me

to look normal on my wedding day.

- You slapped me?

- Because you're moaning

like an old lady.

Everything is sorted.

All you need to do is turn up at the church

and remember your lines.

I'm gonna go downstairs and give you

a minute to yourself, all right, man?

- Are Ralphus and Albert ready?

- Yep.

- And you got the rings?

- Uh, yeah.

What about the car? Is he here?

Yeah. Yeah.

Have you driven an actual car in your life?

Oh, my God! Why are you two not ready?

He's gonna come down, he's gonna kill you.

Relax, guy.

I just took the suit off to beat his ass.

Yeah, I just feel

a lot more comfortable like this.

- Peter!

- What time is the car due?

Car?

- What time's the car here?

- What? I said I'm checking, go sit down.

- All right, mate?

- Relax.

- What's going on?

- What's going on?

Nothing's going on.

Erm, you're acting a little strange.

Everything's fine. I will just go check,

so you sit here, have a cup of tea.

I'll be back in a sec.

Oh, honey,

I thought you were going to throw up.

I mean, this is really testing the limits

of our friendship here.

I'm sorry. I couldn't hold it in.

- Don't get any on my dress.

- I'm not wiping your ass.

Will you two stop?

This is embarrassing enough as it is.

Yuck!

Out! Out! Get her out! Get her out!

Get her out! Get her out!

- Are you done?

- Yes.

Ugh.

Thank you.

Is Alex angry at me?

No. She just wants it to be a nice day.

Oh, Sandra, I'm so sorry I yelled at you.

- You know who my favourite girl is, right?

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