The Landlord Page #4

WHEN YOU SAID:

YOU WERE 24.

YOU DID?

YEAH.

IN HERE!

LANDLORD,

IN HERE.

COME ON.

DUBOISE,

WILL YOU MOVE.

COME ON, HURRY UP.

THERE'S WATER RUNNING

ALL OVER MY KITCHEN.

OH, MY GOODNESS!

YOU'RE MAKING MORE MESS

THAN WE GOT.

WHAT ARE--

WHAT IN THE HELL

ARE YOU DOING?

[BUZZ]

[BUZZ]

IS THAT O.K.?

FINE. THANKS.

O.K.?

O.K.

O.K.?

O.K.

O.K.

MR. CUMBERSON!

I WANT TO KNOW:

IF YOUR BELL WORKS.

COME ON.

I KNOW HE'S IN THERE.

OH, YEAH. I'LL BET.

OH, COME ON, PLEASE.

IF YOU DON'T WAN YOUR BELL FIXED, FINE.

ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT, FORGET IT.

I SHOULD BE GETTING

THE PLANS BACK:

FROM THE BUILDING

DEPARTMENT SOON.

AS SOON AS EVERYBODY CAN

FIND A NEW PLACE TO LIVE,

I CAN START WITH MOS OF THE HEAVY WORK.

UH, MARGE,

HOW AM I GOING TO GE EVERYBODY OUT OF HERE?

I WOULDN'T SI ON A HOT STOVE

TILL IT HAPPENS.

HEY, LANDLORD!

HEY! HOW ARE YOU?

I JUST THOUGH I'D COME BY

AND SEE YOUR HOUSE.

NOW, IN HERE,

I'M GOING TO RIP

ALL THIS OUT HERE,

SEE, STRAIGHT THROUGH

TO THE SKYLIGHT.

IN THAT AREA, I'LL HANG

A BIG CHANDELIER.

RIGHT.

AND HERE I'M GOING

TO PUT A PATIO.

DON'T STEP

ON THIS STUFF.

LOTS OF USED BRICK

AND MAYBE SOME:

TUBS OF FLOWERS:

ALONG THE WALL HERE.

AND THEN--

RIGHT HERE:

IN THIS CORNER,

I THOUGH IT'D BE WILD

IF WE HAD SOME KIND

OF FANTASTIC:

SCULPTURE.

THAT'D BE VERY NICE.

OR MAYBE A BIRDBATH.

A BIRDBATH.

GUESS WHAT?

WHAT?

THEY'RE HAVING

A RENT PARTY:

FOR ME TONIGHT.

CAN YOU COME?

I CAN'T.

I'LL BE DANCING TONIGHT.

OH, GOD. I'M LATE

FOR THE DENTIST.

I GOT TO GO.

WHY ARE YOU GOING

TO THE DENTIST?

I GOT THIS WICKED TOOTH

BACK HERE.

I'VE ONLY HAD ONE CAVITY

IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

THEY CAN USE SILVER

IF YOU'D RATHER.

CAN I GIVE YOU:

A RIDE?

HIS OFFICE IS JUS A COUPLE BLOCKS

FROM HERE.

THIS YOUR CAR?

YEAH. YEAH.

CAN I CALL YOU:

TOMORROW?

O.K.

BYE-BYE.

BYE.

HEY! WHAT THE HELL

YOU DOING:

ON THE TOILET?

HEY!

[PARTY MUSIC PLAYING]

HOJAMBO.

MEANING "WELCOME,"

PROVIDED, OF COURSE,

YOU HAVE THE NECESSARY

REQUISITE--$2.00.

PROFESSOR.

THANK YOU.

HOW YOU DOING?

MONSIEUR LANDLORD. $5.00.

$5.00?

YOU AREN'T REAL,

PROFESSOR.

NOT QUALIFYING:

AS A SPOOK:

OR HALLUCINATION,

I ASSURE YOU, SIR,

I'M A BIT MORE REAL

THAN YOU ARE.

HOLD IT, EVERYBODY!

HOLD IT NOW!

HERE HE IS.

HERE HE IS,

OUR GUEST OF HONOR--

OUR WONDERFUL:

AND NEW LANDLORD.

HI.

HE, UH, UH...

NOW LISTEN.

YOU DON'T BOTHER HIM,

AND HE WON'T BOTHER YOU.

I'LL GET YOU A DRINK.

[MUSIC STARTS]

DO IT! DO IT!

DO IT! DO IT!

WHOO!

DO IT! DO IT!

DO IT! DO IT!

DO IT! DO IT!

WHOO!

WHOO!

FORM A CIRCLE!

WHOO!

[SLOW-DANCE MUSIC

PLAYING]

NOW, CHILDREN,

HOW DO WE LIVE?

ELGAR.

BLACK.

BLACK.

BLACK.

BLACK.

BLACK, BABY.

BLACK.

BABY, BLACK

IS A WHOLE NEW THING.

AND YOU'RE GOING

TO HAVE TO RECKON

WITH IT.

IS IT A FAD, THOUGH?

SEE, THAT'S THE THING.

MAN, THAT IS NO THE THING.

IT'S LIKE

YOU GOT A MOLE.

YOU GOT A MOLE:

RIGHT HERE.

AND YOU'LL

DO ANYTHING...

TO GET RID:

OF THIS MOLE.

BECAUSE EVERYBODY

THAT DOESN'T HAVE MOLES...

GOT YOU TO BELIEVE

IT'S REAL UGLY.

SO YOU'D DO ANYTHING.

YOU'D HIDE YOUR FACE.

ANYTHING--

WALK IN BACKWARDS...

YOU'D DO EVERYTHING.

ANYTHING.

THEN ONE DAY...

ONE DAY...

ONE DAY...

MOLES ARE IN.

MOLES ARE IN.

PEOPLE ARE GETTING OU THEIR EYEBROW PENCIL...

MARKING THEM ON,

AND YOU'VE GOT ONE...

NATURALLY--

RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE

OF YOUR FOREHEAD.

YOU'LL KNOW WHAT PRIDE

IS FOR THE FIRST TIME.

FOR THE FIRST TIME.

YOU WHITEYS SCREAMING

ABOUT MISCEGENATION...

AND YOU DONE:

WATERED DOWN:

EVERY RACE:

YOU EVER ATE.

[FINGERS SNAPPING]

HAVE MERCY, BABY.

HAVE MERCY.

HAVE MERCY, HAVE MERCY.

HAVE MERCY!

HAVE MERCY,

BABY.

HAVE MERCY.

HAVE MERCY.

[VOMITING]

[GAGGING SOUNDS]

[WHISTLING STARS

AND STRIPES FOREVER]

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU SICK?

OOH! YOU OUGH TO BE ASHAMED

OF YOURSELF.

COME ON.

HUH?

I SAID COME ON.

YOU GOT ANY:

MOUTHWASH? HA HA.

IN THE BATHROOM.

BACK THERE.

RIGHT BACK THERE?

UH-HUH.

WHERE'S COPEE?

AW, HE'S IN JAIL.

HOW COME:

HE'S IN JAIL?

HUH?

HOW COME COPEE'S

IN JAIL?

OH, HE HAD ANOTHER

DEMONSTRATION TODAY.

SEEMS LIKE THEY'RE

PUTTING EVERYBODY

IN JAIL NOWADAYS.

[GARGLING]

HMM?

I SAID IT SEEMS LIKE

EVERYBODY'S

GOING TO JAIL NOWADAYS,

ESPECIALLY COPEE.

WHEN DID I HAPPEN?

THIS MORNING.

I DON'T KNOW.

IT ALL JUST SEEMS

SO STRANGE TO ME.

I LOOK AT COPEE:

SOMETIMES,

AND I WONDER...

HOW DID WE GE OURSELVES INTO THIS?

WELL, I WAS

MISS SEPIA, 1957.

WHAT'S THAT?

WELL, THAT'S LIKE

MISS AMERICA:

OR MISS NEW YORK...

EXCEPT IN COLOR.

THERE'S MY TROPHY

OVER THERE.

WHAT, THIS?

UH-HUH.

FRANCINE MARIE JOHNSON,

MISS SEPIA, 1957.

HA.

MY MOTHER HAD I MADE INTO A LAMP

FOR ME:

FOR CHRISTMAS.

I LIKED IT BETTER

WHEN IT WAS A CUP.

HA HA HA.

BUT ANYWAY,

AS I WAS SAYING,

IT SURE HAS BEEN

HARD ON ME SINCE

COPEE TURNED BLACK.

TURNED BLACK?

YEAH. HE WAS

SIOUX INDIAN:

FOR TWO YEARS.

AND LITTLE WALTER GEE...

HE GETS SO CONFUSED.

HE DOESN'T KNOW

WHAT TO THINK.

YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT...

I THOUGHT ABOU GOING TO CHICAGO.

MAYBE CALIFORNIA.

GO INTO THE MOVIES OR...

GO ON TV OR SOMETHING.

I'M SURE TIRED

OF DOING HEADS.

DO YOU THINK:

I LOOK GOOD ENOUGH

TO BE ON TV?

I THINK YOU LOOK

FANTASTIC.

YEAH, WELL,

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW I BY COPEE.

HE THINKS I SHOULD

BE BLACKER.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

WHY IS THA RIDICULOUS?

BECAUSE YOU'RE

BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S JUS THE RED LIGHT.

OHH...

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OH, WAIT A SECOND.

OH, GOD.

MY HEAD'S KILLING ME.

YOU FEEL ANYTHING?

WELL, YOU HAVEN' GOT A FEVER.

[COUGHS]

WHAT YOU GOT THERE?

EXCEDRIN.

YOU GO A HEADACHE, TOO?

LET HIM HOLD YOU

LET HIM:

TOUCH YOU:

SOON YOU'LL UNDERSTAND

WHILE HE MAKES YOU

INTO A WOMAN:

HE BECOMES:

YOUR MAN:

THE TENDERNESS:

YOU LEARN TO LOVE

AS MEMORIES RUSH

THROUGH YOUR HEAD

YOU'LL MAKE HER FEEL

JUST LIKE A WOMAN

WHILE YOU BECOME

HER MAN:

ELGAR.

ELGAR...

THIS DOESN'T MEAN

ANYTHING.

BECAUSE I LOVE COPEE.

LANIE!

HI. COME ON IN.

[HONK]

[HONK]

[CHEERING]

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND

YOUR SUDDEN INTERES IN THOSE KIND OF PEOPLE,

DEAR.

I MEAN,

WE'RE ALL LIBERALS,

BUT...

OPEN:

HYBRIDIZATION--

I'M THEIR LANDLORD

TILL THEY GE RELOCATED.

WELL, I DON' UNDERSTAND.

RED BALL!

OH.

I THINK:

THERE'S SOMETHING

THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW,

MOTHER.

WHAT'S THAT, DEAR?

I THINK I LOVE A GIRL

WHO'S A NEGRO.

ELGAR, LET'S GO

FOR A LITTLE DRIVE.

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

UH, DADDY...

YES?

WE'RE GOING FOR A DRIVE.

SOMETHING'S COME UP.

ELGAR,

A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE--

NOT ALL--

THERE'S GOOD BLACK PEOPLE

AS WELL AS GOOD WHITE

PEOPLE.

I'VE ALWAYS TAUGH YOU THAT.

BUT SOME:

LIVE TO SET TRAPS

FOR RICH WHITE WOMEN.

I'M NOT A RICH

WHITE WOMAN, MOTHER.

I KNOW THAT, DEAR.

I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

YOU KNOW I DIDN' MEAN THAT.

DIDN'T WE

ALL GO TOGETHER:

TO SEE:

GUESS WHO'S COMING

TO DINNER?

YEAH.

IT'S JUST, ELGAR,

YOU HAVE TO REALIZE

ALL NEGROES:

ARE NOT LIKE THAT.

YOU SOUND LIKE:

A SEGREGATIONIST.

I THINK YOU HAVE

A CASTRATION COMPLEX.

YOU HAVE:

A CASTRATION COMPLEX.

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