The Last Horror Movie Page #4

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Want to see what I did to him?

No, please.

Help!

Help!

The neighbors

are over a mile away.

If you wanted to be rescued,

you should have owned less land.

Please!

Please! Please!

Are you ready?

Are you ready?

Couldn't have happened to

a nicer guy.

But then, that's the advantage

of being a psychopath.

You don't have to take

any sh*t from people.

She's lovely.

She's really, really,

really little...

and has black, black curly hair

and violet eyes.

No, thanks.

What do you think he does

when he's not helping Max?

So, what do you do

when you're not helping Max?

You know, things.

What sort of things?

Bits and pieces.

Nothing special.

Well, I hope Max is paying you

well for this.

What's his film about?

What's your film about, Max?

I'm not supposed to say.

Oh, come on, tell us.

I bet it's really twisted.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, Max!

Leave him alone, you two.

Give us a beer, will you?

You're meant to be driving.

Come on.

That's one beer gone.

Of course, I...

could kill them all now.

It wouldn't be too difficult.

Him while he's asleep.

Girls... they're always easy.

Don't worry. I'm not going to.

Well, they are my friends,

you know.

The question is, what happens

when you just think about it?

What happens

when you allow yourself...

to represent the possibility?

Then you have to decide...

whether to shy away

from the thought or...

spend a bit of time with it,

see how you react to it.

Do you feel appalled,

or do you just think...

"Well, that could happen"?

That's always been my trouble.

How was that?

Seemed OK to me.

Yes, but was it convincing?

I don't know. I'm not an expert

on these things.

I thought it was pretty good.

Did you really?

Petra's got a lead role at last.

"The Duchess of Malfi."

It's only a fringe production,

but, you know...

a lead's a lead, I suppose.

Of course,

she's now become impossible.

She had us do that scene and

review the tape about 10 times.

Still, that's the artistic

temperament for you.

No creativity without neurosis.

That's why I prefer

the real thing.

It's a lot less stressful.

Just relax.

So, can you tell me why I should

consider you for a promotion?

Take your time.

Well...

Obviously

we've discussed this before.

I take it you've had time

to give the matter...

your fullest consideration.

Aye.

You can appreciate, I'm sure...

that it's quite a step

from holding the camera...

to doing the killing.

Aye, I do, very much.

You realize

you'll be taking on...

a considerable ethical

responsibility.

I know.

Obviously I have to ask...

if there's any type of situation

you'd feel uncomfortable with.

Women or children, perhaps?

No.

No, you couldn't do them,

or no, it wouldn't be a problem?

It wouldn't be a problem.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna give you a shot.

What about this one?

I don't think so.

OK, what about this one?

Looks like he could do with

a lesson in humility.

I think we could help him there.

Don't you?

Could do them.

Cheap and cheerful.

Could try him.

You'd have to plan it

quite carefully, though.

Probably not one

for a first attempt.

Ah, this one looks

a possibility.

OK, let's do it.

No, no, no, no.

Like this!

OK.

I'm sorry about this.

It's his first time.

Try this.

One quick slash

across the throat.

It's easy.

Right. Let's go.

Well, come on.

Get hold of her hair.

What are you f***ing

waiting for?

I... can't do it.

Do what?

I can't do it.

I thought I could, but I can't.

You thought you could,

but you can't.

You stupid f***ing idiot.

I ought to stick this in you.

Sorry.

There.

How hard was that?

OK, now, do you want to explain

to me what happened back there?

I don't know.

I thought I could do it,

but I couldn't.

I think we've already

established that.

What I'm asking here

is why you couldn't do it.

I thought I'd feel different.

You thought you'd feel

different.

I just didn't want to do it.

Why didn't you want to do it?

You wanted to

up until 2 hours ago.

That was different.

Different how?

It wasn't real.

I'm sorry?

It didn't feel real.

I can assure you it's real.

Everything we've been doing

for the last 6 months...

has been extremely real.

I've not hurt anyone.

Do you really think

this is something...

you can walk away from?

You're committed.

You've aided and abetted

the murder of over 15 people.

I'm not doing it anymore.

You're repeating yourself again.

You know how boring that is.

What do you propose

to do with that?

I take it there's a point

to this?

How do you like it?

Very good.

Don't talk down to me.

You're always talking down

to me.

All right, take it easy.

Calm down, ok?

You've got to stop it.

What?

This... all this stuff

you're doing.

OK, fine, I'll stop.

How do I know

that you will?

You can't be serious.

I'm going to

make you stop.

If you do that,

you'll be no better than me.

You are better than me,

aren't you?

I honestly believe that

every so-called serial killer...

who got caught

either wanted to or didn't

approach his work intelligently.

Obviously, I had to be careful

in my choice of assistant.

I mean,

it was always possible...

there was gonna be

a difference of opinion.

As far as I know...

he'd been homeless

for about three years...

and hadn't seen his family

in over five.

There we go.

He didn't have any friends...

which won't surprise you,

given his interpersonal skills...

apart from

a couple of other f***-ups...

who were living

under the Westway.

When I approached him,

I made sure nobody was watching,

and since then,

he's been living here with me.

So he's unlikely

to be missed.

And anybody who does can't

possibly connect him with me.

Right, the clothes

go into a bin bag.

And then into a bin...

not mine, of course.

And it's always

a good idea...

to wait until just before

the dustmen arrive.

The challenge, of course,

is the body.

Here we go.

Now, Ben, remember

to keep it in focus, OK?

Max,

that looks magnificent.

Ok, who wants what?

Grandma, you like it well done,

don't you?

Oh, yes, well done for me,

yes, please, dear.

Max, this is great.

You may be a nutter,

but you really can cook.

Is that a compliment?

It sounded like it

might be a compliment.

I can't remember the last time

you had us round for dinner.

Yes, it's really very good

of you.

We should do it

more often.

How's yours, grandma?

Very tasty.

- John?

- Oh, it's delicious.

I was wondering though,

what sort of meat is it?

Venezuelan veal.

I got it from this butcher

I go to at Smithfield.

Apparently,

they feed the animals...

on this special

high-protein diet...

and they get

this distinctive flavor.

Really? Well, it's nice

to try something exotic...

every now and then.

Max, can you be a gecko?

I don't think I ought

to be a gecko just now.

Well, why not?

Well, sometimes

we have to behave...

the way other people

think we should.

It's always been

a mystery to me...

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