The LEGO Batman Movie Page #4

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- Or Catwoman.

Or Two-Face,

or any of Gotham's other villains!

He's not good at his job.

Including the Joker!

She's making a lot of sense.

Excuse me. I'm so sorry. Excuse me.

We love you, Barbara!

- Yes.

- Hi. Bruce Wayne.

Billionaire, bon vivant,

gallivanter, playboy,

Gotham's most eligible bachelor,

like, 90 years in a row.

- That's me right there.

- I know who you are, Mr. Wayne.

You bet you do. Quick quest,

what is your problem with Batman,

and also, what the heck, dude?

I'm glad you asked, Mr. Wayne.

I'm not a Batman hater.

But we don't need

an unsupervised adult man

karate-chopping poor people

in a Halloween costume.

We need to take

what's good about Batman...

...and marry it to actual laws

and proper ethics

and accountability.

I hate everything you just said.

Because my dream is for the police force

to team up with Batman.

Waiter.

Wouldn't that be better?

And I know that, together,

the world's greatest detective...

...and Gotham's finest

could clean up these crime-ridden streets.

Forever.

Everybody, get down!

Grand entrance!

Everyone! Make your way

to the exits immediately!

Run!

Team Bane, block the exits.

Going somewhere?

Clayface, Freeze, bring me

the new Commissioner Gordon.

- We're on it.

- Cool.

And, Harley, you know what to do.

I sure do.

It's time for Operation

"Take Out the Laundry."

Butler One, this is Bat One. Do you copy?

- Go ahead, Bat One.

- I need my armored face disguise, now!

Only if you say the magic word.

- Now!

- No.

- You're fired.

- No. Sir, we'll talk about this

back at the Batcave.

- Hey, 'Puter.

- Yes?

Initialize masterbuild music.

Right away.

Collateral damage assessment

suggests the Scuttler, sir.

Good plan.

Madam Mayor, stay close to me.

Head for the south exit.

Now, ma'am.

Go! Go! Go!

Honey, let Batman take care of it.

Dad, I got this.

Scuttler online.

Chief O'Hara, we're coming in hot!

I'm almost there.

Chief, get the mayor to safety.

Computer, I've got the Joker in my sights.

Team, I got the Joker in my sights.

Joker!

Joker.

Uh, excuse me? I was about to...

Push the Bat-Signal? Good call.

I like your instincts.

I've got a surprise for you guys.

And it's gonna make you smile.

Uh-oh! His smile is our grimace.

Everybody, get down.

- I...

- Joker, no!

...surrender.

What?

Uh, what did you just say?

I said, "I surrender."

Joker, what are you doing?

I'm sorry, my Bat-ears

must be malfunctioning

because it sounds...

I surrender!

Okay, you know what? Cool it.

You're a criminal.

You run, and I catch you.

Not anymore, Batman.

You were right. There is no "us."

So, there's no point

in me trying to fight you anymore.

Therefore, I will be surrendering myself

to our strong-willed and

forward-thinking new commissioner.

Blink, blink, blink.

Blinkety blink, blink, blink!

That's really suspicious.

Yeah, it is. What are you up to, Joker?

I just wanna go to Arkham

and pay for all of my crimes.

Blink, blink, blink.

Blinkety blink, blink, blink!

Are you actually saying "blink"?

No! Blink, blink, blink.

Joker! That's enough.

Okay, Babs. I got this.

Not so fast, Batman.

You can't fight me anymore.

I'm off the market.

What are you talking about?

I'm off the menu.

You won't get to fight

any of this anymore.

Man, am I sorry I asked.

Anyway, have fun in jail and...

Batman, what are you doing?

Punching Bane.

That was unnecessary.

Oh, no, you can't fight Bane

anymore either.

Really?

Yeah. Or Riddler.

Or Catwoman. Or Condiment King.

Why not?

Because we're all surrendering.

Right, guys?

We are?

Yes!

Riddle me this. What just happened?

It's the end of crime!

All right!

- That was amazing!

- Over here, over here!

- You did it!

- Yeah, of course I did. I'm...

Sorry, not you.

We're talking to Commissioner Gordon.

- Well, it was a team effort.

- I got this, Babs.

Commissioner, how do you feel?

Amazing! This is a great first day.

Okay.

- Question for Batman.

- Shoot.

What are you gonna do

with the rest of your life?

What do you mean, the rest of my life?

We don't need a vigilante crime fighter

now that there's no more crime.

Uh, yes, you do.

You can spend some quality time

with your family.

My...

Okay, Batman. We'll take it from here.

All right, listen up.

All of you have

the right to remain silent.

Let's roll out!

Toodle-oo, Batman!

- Bye, Batman.

- Au revoir, Batman.

Bye, Batman.

Bye, Batman!

Today is a victory

for the citizens of Gotham City!

No more crime!

No more crime! No more crime!

No more crime! No more crime!

No more crime!

No more crime! No more crime!

No more crime!

Is everything okay, sir?

You've barely touched

your lobster thermidor.

I don't have time to eat

lobster thermidor right now!

Warrior two.

Pigeon pose. Tree pose.

Tree pose.

Hey, Batman!

Barbara!

What are you doing?

Nothing. I have a very full life.

No, I mean, what are you doing here?

Surveillance. On the Joker.

Batman, we both know

the Joker's up to something.

Well, then we can't just let him

run around loose in a prison.

He's not loose.

He has to go someplace outside the law.

- Outside the law?

- Yeah.

Somewhere like, uh...

Hi, there. I'm here

from Phantom's Own Laundry.

Here to take that bad stuff

off your hands.

Wait, that's it! The Phantom Zone.

The Phantom Zone? No way!

That is super illegal

and way outside our jurisdiction.

So, why don't you and I work together

inside the law,

to figure out what he's up to?

Batman works alone.

That's my motto. Copyright Batman.

Batman, there are no more vigilantes

allowed in Gotham City.

Okay. Totally got it.

Then I have to go into

double-secret super vigilante mode.

You said that out loud.

I know that she said I said that out loud,

but there's no way I did.

She has no idea what's going on

in my super-mind.

Super-mind?

Smoke bomb!

Computer, how do I put the Joker

in the Phantom Zone?

Quickest route, no freeways.

'Puter, do you hear me?

Hello, Master Bruce.

Alfred, there's something wrong

with the Batcomputer. Watch this.

'Puter. Nothing.

'Puter. Do you see what I'm saying?

There's nothing wrong with it, sir.

I have just taken away

your computer privileges.

The parental lock? You can't do that.

Oh, I can. I've been reading

Setting Limits

for Your Out-of-Control Child.

You know what? Doesn't matter, 'cause

I have a double-secret super password

that unlocks the parental lock.

You mean, "Alfred da Butt-ler,"

with two T's?

Sir, it's time for you

to stop this unhealthy behavior.

No, it's not.

You need to take responsibility

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