The LEGO Batman Movie Page #7

---

- I see what you're trying to do.

- And what is that?

You're trying to entrap me

into a relationship.

- Really?

- Yeah, and it's not gonna work.

Oh, yes, it is.

Because I'm inside your head.

- No, you're not!

- No, you're not!

I knew you'd say that.

- No, you didn't!

- No, you didn't!

And I knew you'd say that!

See? We aren't so different, I and you.

- It's, "you and I!"

- It's, "you and I!"

- Argh!

- Admit it. I'm your greatest enemy.

You're not my greatest enemy, Joker.

Okay, then send me to the Phantom Zone.

Fine, I will.

And prove I'm your greatest enemy.

Batman, don't do this.

As long as you're in the Phantom Zone,

I'll be saving Gotham City,

and that's all that matters to me.

Goodbye, Joker.

Oh, Batman, thank you!

Yes! That's what I call

saving the city again!

Batman, what are you doing?

I'm Batman-ing.

I'm Batman, I'm awesome

I got a nine-pack

Stop it!

Batman, I can't believe you did this.

Hi, police lady.

And even worse,

you've made this kid

into an accessory to your crime.

Sorry, kid.

That's okay, ma'am.

As long as I'm doing a dime

in the big house with my old man,

everything's gonna be A-okay.

Officers, take this Projector

to the evidence room.

- You got it.

- And get this man some pants.

I'm good the way I am.

B Go, why has nobody fist bumped me yet?

You know, when I was a kid,

I wanted to be you, Batman.

I wanted to be as strong

and as fast and as smart as Batman.

But you're not who I thought you were.

Uh... What do you mean?

You can't be a hero

if you only care about yourself.

Barbara, I...

I think you're underestimating

the importance of the Joker

being in the Phantom Zone.

Really, it's kind of a stroke

of genius. All the...

Hey, where are you going?

I just put Joker in the one place

he can't do anyone any harm.

Yeah.

But what if you just gave Joker

exactly what he wanted?

Oh!

Whoa!

Look at this place! Am I being too loud?

- Hi!

- Oh, my gosh!

Sorry. I always do that.

How about a warning next time?

You're so right, and I am so wrong.

Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy.

Yeah, bad guy.

- My name is Phyllis.

- Oh, that was my grandma's name.

Now hold still while I scan you.

Scanning for badness.

Trying to assess whether you are bad.

Ugh! Your whole thing screams "bad guy."

Oh, yeah. I'm a really bad person.

But with vulnerabilities.

Who, me? No way.

So, where do you keep

all the other bad people in this place?

They're standing right behind you.

Whoa!

Hi there, guys.

Lovely to meet you all. I'm the...

Oh, fist bump? There we... Handshake?

It doesn't matter. I'm the Joker.

Take a look at the new guy.

Guess they'll just let anybody in here.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm very bad, too.

They just showed a video montage...

- Boring!

- What?

- You're boring.

- He looks delicious.

Let's eat this guy.

Stop with the violence for just a second!

What if I told you

I could get you outta here?

I'm sorry, what'd you just say?

That's right. I'm so bad, I got myself

thrown into this heck-hole on purpose!

I'm listening.

Count me interested.

Look, everyone here knows

what it's like to be hurt

by a hero, don't they?

We've all been taken for granted, right?

- Yeah, bro.

- I'm relating.

Well, that's why I came

to this space prison.

To recruit the universe's greatest...

- We'll do it!

- I'm sorry?

You were going to say something about

recruiting the universe's greatest villains

to conquer a superhero.

- Am I right?

- Uh, yeah.

- Well, we're in!

- Yay!

Really? Because I brought a PowerPoint...

Still boring!

Yeah. Just get on with it.

You want us to humiliate him?

I certainly do. Yes.

You want us to make him

grovel at your feet?

I would like to see that very much!

You want us to smite him?

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You want us to make

the rivers of Gotham City

run red with his blood?

Oh, that's...

Oh, no blood? How do you feel about lava?

Yes! Lava.

- Done.

- Yay!

- I can't wait to crush buildings.

- Excuse me. Hello?

Over here. I don't want to be a downer,

but how exactly are we going

to get outta this place?

Oh, leave that to me.

Don't wanna jinx us,

but I'll be a lot happier when

this Phantom Zone Projector

is locked up tight.

Going up, ma'am?

No. You're going down!

Look out! Smash!

I guess you're right. I am going up. Ding!

Here comes the...

Phantom Zone!

Huh?

I'm gonna go start looting.

Hello, Gotham City!

The Clown Prince of Crime

is back!

Commissioner Gordon,

you gotta take a look at this.

What's that?

A monkey and dog are friends.

Not that. That!

And I've come

to finally take over the city.

But in order to do that,

I need to break my friends

out of a giant, scary prison.

- Hey, guys, he means us!

- Yay!

And I ain't talking about

those rogue losers dressed in cosplay!

- Oh!

- Me-ouch.

I'm talking about my new peeps!

And they're just like me.

The greatest villains you'll ever see.

You wanna meet them?

- No.

- Too bad.

He's evil, he's magic,

and it's about to get tragic.

It's Voldemort.

Magic!

You are a fish.

You are a frog.

You are a fish frog.

He's a 9,000-year-old incarnation of evil,

with an eye forjewelry.

Give it up for Sauron!

Good afternoon, Gotham City.

He likes long, violent walks

on historic buildings.

It's King Kong!

Come at me, Gotham!

Commissioner Gordon, these monsters,

they're too powerful.

Can you contain them to downtown?

That's gonna be impossible.

Half the police force are fish!

Sergeant Jackson! Stop floppin' around!

And rounding out the evil all-stars,

Wicked Witch!

Medusa.

And British robots!

Exterminate!

Ask your nerd friends.

Hello? Bad guys?

What a crew, huh?

And they all work for me!

Who's the greatest villain

of them all now, Batman?

Still not you.

Actually, this does look

pretty terrifying, Bat-Dad.

Whee!

Nice destruction all around.

Watch your step!

Good work, guys!

Now, all that's left for me

is to rub it in Batman's bat face.

Hey, Sauron, doesn't your flaming eye

have a unique ability

to peer through time and space?

- Uh-huh.

- Well, I need to find Batman.

Where's homeboy's man cave?

Hmm. Give me a second.

Scary noise.

It's beneath Wayne Manor!

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on a sec.

Are you trying to tell me

that Bruce Wayne is Batman...

...'s roommate?

Uh... Yeah.

Evil army, this way to the Batcave!

Good grief!

Hey, Batman!

Joker's home.

I'm rubbing my butt all over your stuff.

We're going to have to rename this

Rate this script:4.5 / 4 votes