The LEGO Batman Movie Page #9

---

Locked and loaded, sir!

Good. Love that!

I got an idea. We're gonna change course.

I want you to fly straight

into that flaming eyeball.

- What?

- Barbara, trust me.

All right. Let's do this.

We got a giant sea monster, 12 o'clock!

Got it.

- We've got his attention.

- He's tracking us.

I've got you now.

Eat dirt!

Bob's your uncle, you ruddy duff cobblers!

Okay, Babs, this is it.

Fly us straight into that eye,

and wait for my signal.

Can it come now?

Can we make the signal thing happen?

Almost there.

Almost there!

- Fire!

- Almost there!

That fire's coming in hot!

Hot, hot, hot!

Now! Barbara, dive bomb!

My eye!

Sauron!

Nothing to see.

Whoo-hoo!

- Yes! That was so rad!

- We did it, everyone!

That was so great! Go team!

Come on, let's hear it for us!

That was incredible!

I felt so jazzed!

I say "jazzed"!

I gotta give it to you, Batman.

That was awesome.

- Ha! And you were awesome.

- Thanks.

- And you were awesome.

- I love compliments!

And you were awesome, and I was amazing.

I'm not trying to make it

about myself, obviously.

But I just wanna make sure

that everyone gets a pat on the back.

- Because it feels good.

- It does feel good.

You had a good idea, you had a good idea,

and you had a good idea,

and I had a great idea.

You know what, I think that collectively,

I'm gonna add...

...one.

- No way!

- Yes!

Man, that feels good.

Best team ever!

Let's take a photo!

All right, everyone, squeeze together.

Hang on a second.

- Nice and close!

- I gotta get my pump on.

- It's worth it.

- Okay, everybody in?

These abs are no fluke.

Everyone say, "Bat Family!"

Bat Family!

Ooh, let's take a look!

Look at that!

- Splendid.

- Wow.

Didn't it turn out great?

Hey, guys! It's my first family photo!

- Hey, Bat-Dad.

- Oh!

Whoa. What are you doing?

I'm trying to give you a big, old H-U-G.

Okay, just...

Batman, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

We are just one big happy

fraternity of people

who did an awesome job together.

I can't think of any other way

to put that.

- Cool.

- So, guys, listen up!

Taking the Projector from the Joker

is gonna be our most

dangerous mission yet.

- A family battle mission!

- Right.

Salvage what you can out of the Scuttler,

and maybe root around,

see if you can find a few Vitamin waters

or something, and then we'll head out.

- Right away, sir.

- Anything for you, Padre.

I think I'll need snowshoes.

Yeah, I don't think you'll need snowshoes,

but could you grab that flashlight?

- Batman?

- Padre?

Sir?

What are you doing? Hey, Batman.

Please, wait!

'Puter.

Yes, sir?

I'm locking in some coordinates now.

Take the Scuttler to the taco stand

on the border of Gotham City

and Bldhaven.

No!

I want you to get these guys

a couple of chimichangas

- and three Jarritos.

- Sir!

And then keep them there until this

whole attack on Gotham City blows over.

Padre, please. Don't do this!

Batman, you need us!

How many times I gotta tell you?

Batman works alone.

No, we have to stick together.

Please.

Now go on, Scuttler. Go!

- Go! Just get outta here.

- Batman.

- Padre!

- Get moving!

Please!

Just go.

Batman! Please, wait!

Scuttler, move out!

You're doing the wrong thing!

- Listen to me! Don't do this!

- Sir, please. Sir!

No!

Scanning for intruders.

Scanning for intruders.

Scanning for intruders.

Hi, Bats.

What have you done to my...

Bruce Wayne's house?

You'd better hope he's a cool guy

and doesn't go crazy.

What happened to all your friends?

I don't need friends.

I don't need anyone to stop you.

Are you sure about that?

Look in the mirror, Batman.

When I saw you working

with your friend-family,

I actually thought you'd changed.

But, no.

You pushed them away.

You've run away from every other person

in your life.

But I'm the one you're always chasing.

Is this about that stupid

"greatest enemy" thing?

No, it's not.

Not anymore.

- You tell him, Joker!

- It's time for a fresh start.

He's not worth it.

I think after 78 years, I deserve respect!

That is right. Respect!

Do you realize that you have never once

said the words,

"I hate you, Joker"?

Not once.

Well, I am starting to feel

pretty annoyed with you right now.

That's for darn sure.

Annoyed is not the same thing!

Listen, Batman.

I...

hate you.

- Aww!

- That's nice.

Now you say it.

Me, too.

You won't. You won't change.

'Cause you can't.

You won't, and you can't.

Batman will never change.

You know what, boo-boo? Just shut it down.

These diseased lunatics are right.

Yes, we are!

I am not gonna be part

of a one-sided relationship any longer!

- Yes!

- What are you talking about?

- You and I are done!

- What is wrong with you?

I'm moving on!

That's ridiculous.

And on my way out,

I'm gonna blow up Gotham City!

No. You're not serious.

Wingardium Leviosa!

No!

You know what?

For once, Batman, you're right.

I'm not your greatest enemy.

Your greatest enemy

is you.

- Goodbye, Batman.

- Wait a minute. Hold on a second.

Good for you, boo-boo!

- Yay!

- Everybody, get a bomb. Let's go.

- Bomb, bomb, bomb. Let's bomb it out.

- Yay!

Say goodbye, Gotham City!

- Whoa.

- Hi!

Whoa!

Oh, I am so sorry.

It was all my fault, I keep doing that.

Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy.

What are you talking about?

I'm not a bad guy.

But you're all in black. You have a cape.

And you wear a big, scary mask.

Well, I'm not.

And you kicked me in the face.

Listen, I'm Batman.

Oof! You even sound like a bad guy.

I swear, I am a good guy.

Okay, Mr. Batman.

Hold still while I scan you.

Scanning for badness.

Yes, sir?

- You're super nimble, right?

- I sure am!

And 110% expendable?

I don't know what that means, but okay.

- How'd I do, Dad?

- Mediocre.

- Yes!

- And don't call me Dad.

Sorry.

Alfred, put that kid

on the next jet to the orphanage.

But doesn't he deserve a chance

for someone to take him under their wing,

as I took you under mine?

Listen, you don't have a family.

So what do you know about

having a surrogate son?

Batman!

We have to stick together.

Please.

Joker, you mean nothing to me.

No one does.

Huh. You're not a traditional bad guy.

But you're not exactly a good guy, either.

- Batman?

- Padre?

You even abandoned your friends.

What?

Go on, Scuttler. Go.

- Batman, no. No!

- Don't do this!

Abandoned? No.

No, I was trying to protect them.

By pushing them away?

Well, yeah.

Are they really

the ones you're protecting?

Computer, Batman's in danger.

Please, Computer, take us back!

Do you really want the man

who made you to come to harm?

Rate this script:4.5 / 4 votes