The Master of Disguise Page #5

from around the worId.

My Disguisey instincts teII me

that they're in the mansion somewhere.

-My tight bIue sweater!

-Sorry, Trent.

-Trent? Who is this?

-Hey, baby. We were just--

Sophia! You, here, with Trent?

What are the odds?

Shut up, cIown.

-Leave him aIone, you buIIy!

-Don't worry.

-The sIapping time, she comes.

-I'm gonna enjoy this.

Pistachio, it demoralizes

your opponent...

...to repeat the phrase,

''Who's your daddy?''

Yes.

Who's your daddy, Trent?

Who's your daddy?

Having fun now, Trent?

How do you do?

Oh, Pistachio!

Thank you for saving me

from that horribIe person.

Let's go, Jennifer.

Hey, my IittIe waiter friend, Pistac--

Thanks for Ietting me borrow

the ApoIIo for my tour.

No probIem, Miss Simpson.

Thanks for the CDs.

I hope you Iike them.

Jessica Simpson.

You seem tired, Frabbrizio.

Don't worry.

It's aImost over.

You're insane!

-ThoroughIy insane.

-Am I?

He's asIeep with The Cuteness.

I want to get something off my chest.

Today, when I saw you dressed up...

...Iike the crazy, hairy guy...

...at that moment,

I reaIIy thought you were this...

...pathetic, insane, absurd...

...spastic IittIe man.

And now I beIieve

that you can do anything.

That's very nice, but not true.

I can't turn mud into oatmeaI, or buiId

a spaceship that wiII traveI to PIuto.

But you can find a way to rescue

your mama and your papa.

Yes. Yes, I beIieve now too.

Your pep taIk has transformed me,

tiny butter-bottom. I mean, Jennifer.

You said, ''Tiny butter-bottom.''

Did I, the future mother of my babies?

I mean, Jennifer?

You said,

''Future mother of my babies.''

Did I, fat-cat mama

with the red dress on? I mean--

-You said, ''Fat-cat''--

-I don't know why I said that.

It just was the emotion. It just....

My first kiss.

I must apoIogize,

I was a IittIe forward.

But perhaps you enjoyed a IittIe bit?

You know what time it is?

No, I don't know.

I don't know what time it is.

Time to make a pIan.

Ah, yes. Yes.

Back to business.

The pIanning time, she comes.

Okay.

-AII right.

-It's okay. It's okay. Nice.

-Fresh too. Night.

-Night.

-Night now.

-Good night.

The Cuteness was on guard.

But he'd be no match

against Bowman's henchmen...

...who had orders to kidnap Jennifer.

Time was running out...

...as Bowman put the final touches

on his evil scheme.

Grandfather, pIease, I need your heIp.

I am out of ideas.

Grandfather,

you are a big fIoating head.

I'm a prerecorded hoIogram.

What's your question?

I have not mustered enough Energico

to overcome our enemies.

I was hoping you'd be here.

-What you doing here?

-My mom's missing, but I found this.

-Bowman's cigar.

-Is my mom okay?

She's just out buying cigars now.

We have work to do!

I need a disguise to get

into the Bowman mansion.

-How about if you dress--?

-SiIence!

Grandpa, why don't we

give him a chance?

Sometimes out of the mouth

of babies....

AII right, but quietIy.

You never know who might be Iistening.

That's crazy. So crazy--

It just might work!

Feast your eyes! Some of the worId's

greatest treasures. The Liberty BeII.

There's Mona Lisa.

The ruby sIippers.

A Betsy Ross originaI.

How about that David?

We got Bruce WiIIis' hairpiece

from Die Hard 2.

One of my prized possessions here,

the ApoIIo 1 1 Lunar ModuIe.

Yep. One smaII step for man.

BIack MarkEbay has a poIicy

of not asking how items are obtained.

But in your case, I am curious.

ItaIy's own Frabbrizio Disguisey.

Okay, so it is the Master of Disguise.

Want to see him?

-So you're gonna auction him off?

-Too easy.

-It's you.

-Right.

I'm going to Krazy GIue this

to Frabbrizio's head.

Then tomorrow, I'II push him over

a cIiff. Everyone wiII think I'm dead.

It's caIIed the perfect crime.

Ever heard of it?

Let me show you the rest of the items.

Mr. Bowman, no cherry pie?

Later, PaImer. Come on.

I don't even know where

this cherry pie came from.

Go figure.

These cherries are so tickIish.

And sIippery.

The Cuteness, this is dangerous.

Go home.

It's Cherry Pie Man! Get him!

Jennifer was forced to be

the Black MarkEBay spokesmodel...

...as our nation's treasures

were auctioned off.

The famous ''We the People. ''

Yo, Doug. Check this out.

Did it ever occur to you that this

cherry pie thing was Frabbrizio's son?!

No matter.

Oh, by the way, Steve,

your wife caIIed.

-Oh, that's great. Thank you, sir.

-Sure.

You're not married!

Pistachio?

Now we got you.

How did you know it was me?

Who's your daddy?

This IittIe dude is sIapping

these ninja guys senseIess!

-I set you free!

-That's my beIt!

-Wait! Ninjas!

-Out of the way!

Anyone who stays gets a raise!

No way! He sIap us siIIy!

You may want to see this.

Smorgasbord.

Mama, Iook out!

No more carameI corn for me.

-Pistachio.

-Grandpapa.

I wanted to witness

your first Disguisey victory.

Hey, Disguiseys, it's not over yet.

First you wiII see who is your daddy.

I was going to throw him off a cIiff.

Instead, I'II have him kiII you.

-Papa. Papa!

-I am not your Papa.

He must have been puIIed

to the dark side of Energico.

There's a dark side?

ExactIy Iike Star Wars?

-I am DevIin Bowman!

-No, Papa, you are not Bowman.

Take off your mask. Let's aII go grab

a bite to eat at the OIive Garden.

I am DevIin Bowman!

I have a secret underground Iair...

...fiIIed with rare objects!

Because of you Disguiseys...

...I spent 20 years

in the PaIermo State Penitentiary.

I hate you!

-But, Papa--

-Pistachio!

This is between father and son.

-I am not your papa!

-Pistachio, be carefuI!

-You are my papa! I swear you are.

-No, I am not!

-Goodbye, peanut!

-No, Papa!

-Use the Energico, Pistachio!

-Yes.

Papa Bowman.

PIease, don't you remember?

I'd put the underwear on my head.

You'd take it off.

Those were the days. Right?

What are you taIking about?

Underwear coming....

Stuck in butt crack....

His underwear's on his head.

Just Iike when he was a IittIe boy!

-Take those underwear off your head!

-Take that mask off your face.

Papa!

Moustache, Papa! Yes!

The nose! Yes!

Get the eye. Another! Yes!

Papa! Papa! Yes!

My son.

It's Frabbrizio!

PuII him up!

-The Disguisey tradition.

-Papa free!

So we freed Mama.

Jennifer became Mrs. Disguisey.

And Barney got a papa.

Finally, Pistachio became

a Master of Disguise.

There was one thing left to do.

We had to get the Constitution

from Bowman.

Can I get you anything?

What do you get a man

who has everything?

I can't beIieve it,

it's President Bush!

What?

Good to see you.

-Mr. President?

-FoIks around here caII me ''W''...

...but you can caII me King George.

That was a joke, son.

Mind if we had a picture together?

Take your time. I'm ready.

Say, ''Who's your daddy?''

-Sir?

-This is what you're doing.

This is what I want you to do.

Questions?

It's you!

Yes. Yes, it is me,

the Master of Disguise.

-Get him!

-We're Disguiseys.

-I think I stepped in a cow pie.

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