The Mindy Project Page #3

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MIRA:

You’re spoiled! I’m helping you

build character!

Mira gets a loud page on her pager.

SOPHIE:

What’s that?

MIRA:

My pager. Oh my god. My patient’s

in labor.

SOPHIE:

(with disdain)

Who has pagers?

MIRA:

Uh, important people like drug

dealers and big shot doctors like

me.

(to Gwen)

We gotta haul ass to St. E’s. I

have four patients and three don’t

speak English or have any health

insurance. But this one does:

Alison Silverman. White. From Glen

Ridge, New Jersey. Cha-ching.

GWEN:

Can you go there looking like this?

MIRA:

I work hard, I play hard.

GWEN:

You look like Carrie.

MIRA:

Bradshaw?

GWEN:

Stephen King.

MIRA:

Dammit. Left here!

Gwen takes a hard left. Mira’s beeper goes off again.

*

*

*

*

Untitled Mindy Kaling Show Pilot 1/9/12 141/9/12 14.

MIRA (CONT’D)

Why aren’t we moving? Gwen, I

specifically told you to haul ass.

There is bumper to bumper traffic for blocks.

MIRA (CONT’D)

I can’t lose this delivery. See you *

guys!

GWEN:

Where are you--?

Too late. Mira is off.

EXT. MANHATTAN STREET - MORNING

Mira is booking it down the street in her cocktail dress and

heels. She stops, yanks off her heels, and continues to run.

EXT. ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER - MORNING

Mira runs in past people. They stare at her. *

MIRA *

Excuse me! I’m saving a life! Get *

out of my way! *

INT. ELEVATOR BAY - CONTINUOUS *

Mira’s in the elevator. The doors are closing. *

MIRA *

(impatient) *

Come on, come on! *

The doors are closing when an extremely ancient DIALYSIS *

PATIENT sticks his cane in the elevator. He’s in wheelchair *

and has a bored TEENAGE ATTENDANT listening to headphones. *

OLD MAN *

Dialysis, please. *

MIRA *

Sure. *

She pushes the button, hiding a sigh. *

OLD MAN *

I was stationed in India in the *

50’s. Beautiful country. *

MIRA *

So I hear. Never been. *

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OLD MAN *

And such beautiful women. Are you *

married? *

MIRA *

I’m sorry, I have to ask, just for *

my own feeling of self-worth. Are *

you asking because you’re thinking *

“I’m a really old man, I might as *

well reach for the stars and ask *

this girl out?” or because you *

think it is plausible, based on our *

appearances, that we could be a *

viable couple? *

OLD MAN *

The latter. *

MIRA *

I am going to kill myself. *

The door opens. Mira runs out to Labor & Delivery. *

INT. HOSPITAL - LABOR AND DELIVERY

Mira runs in, feet dirty, still in her cocktail dress,

looking wretched, panting. An O.R. Nurse, MARILYN, sees her. *

MIRA *

Tell me good news, Marilyn. *

MARILYN:

Her contractions were too close. I *

had to call the doctor on call.

Mira runs by a delivery room, and sees Brooks handing Mrs.

Silverman her baby. Brooks walks out, taking off his gloves *

and mask.

MIRA:

(crestfallen)

You delivered my patient.

BROOKS:

You’re welcome.

Brooks looks Mira up and down with disdain.

BROOKS (CONT’D)

What prom did you just give birth *

at? *

MIRA:

I was right here.

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BROOKS:

I promise, I tried reasoning with

the baby, telling him that the real

doctor was sobering up on the floor

of a jail cell, but he just didn’t

seem to care.

MIRA:

You did not go there. *

BROOKS:

It’s impossible not to go there. *

Also, Mrs. Silverman asked if I *

would be her doctor from now on and

I said yes.

Mira reacts. Brooks ducks into the doctors’ lounge. *

INT. DOCTORS’ LOUNGE - CONTINUOUS

MIRA:

You’re stealing my patient? *

BROOKS:

It’s not stealing if she wanted to

go.

(then, surprised and

revolted)

Jesus! What are you doing?

Mira holds a large clump of her hair in her hand.

MIRA:

I’m taking out my hair extensions. *

God, you are so sheltered. *

BROOKS:

We are not two members of the same *

R&B girls group. That is *

disturbing. Pull yourself together. *

I can see your undergarment.

Mira looks down. Her strapless bra is peeking out a good two

inches of her dress. She shoves it down, mortified.

JEREMY (O.C.)

It’s called a bra, Brooks. Or, have

you never seen one before?

Jeremy is lounging on the sofa, reading a magazine. *

Untitled Mindy Kaling Show Pilot 1/9/12 171/9/12 17.

JEREMY (CONT’D)

It hooks around a woman’s back, and

kind of lifts and supports the

breasts-

Jeremy mimes a woman’s breasts with his hands.

JEREMY (CONT’D) *

--And they’re very fun to take off.

I recommend it someday. Come here,

Mira. Keep me company.

Jeremy pats the space next to him on the sofa. Mira sits next

to him. Brooks gets an apple from the vending machine.

BROOKS:

What a beautiful picture: the

alcoholic and the sex addict.

JEREMY:

(hurt)

That is not fair. Yes, I love sex.

And I do it a lot. But I’m not

addicted to it. I’m addicted to

attention, which manifests itself

in frequent sexual encounters.

MIRA BROOKS:

That’s really interesting. (disgusted)

Oh, God.

JEREMY (CONT’D)

Is it so wrong that I became an

OBGYN because woman’s sexuality is

the thing I love the most in the

world?

MIRA BROOKS:

Not at all. That’s noble. Yes, of course it is.

JEREMY (CONT’D)

I don’t need to explain myself to

you.

BROOKS:

But one day you might, to a judge. *

Brooks turns to leave. *

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BROOKS (CONT’D) *

I also want to add it’s extremely *

annoying I can’t read the newspaper *

in here because Dr. Reed has turned *

the doctor’s lounge into a place of *

tawdry sexuality. *

He leaves in a huff. Jeremy gets up. *

JEREMY *

I have no idea what he is talking *

about. *

Jeremy dims the lights to exactly doing-it level. He comes *

back to the sofa. *

JEREMY (CONT’D)

(turned on)

You look so trashy right now. Wanna *

hang out? *

MIRA:

We are hanging out. *

JEREMY *

Like hang out, deep? *

MIRA *

Thanks for the offer, but...I *

actually should be heading back to *

the office. *

Mira hops up. *

MIRA (CONT’D) *

See you there? *

JEREMY *

(slightly shocked) *

Sure. Cool. *

MIRA *

Cool. *

Mira leaves, super impressed with herself. *

END OF ACT ONE:

Untitled Mindy Kaling Show Pilot 1/9/12 191/9/12 19.

ACT TWO:

INT. OFFICE BUILDING - MORNING *

We see the door of a medical office, it says: Shulman Womens *

Health Associates: Shulman, Brooks, Reed & Kaviraya, OBGYNs *

INT. OFFICE HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS *

There is a central reception area, and four doors around it *

with individual doctor’s offices. By each office are chairs *

and chic, well-dressed patients. Except Mira’s. *

Mira’s area is messy and trying to do too much, kind of like *

Mira. It’s mismatched chairs, a Bob Marley poster on the *

wall, and ethnic tapestries. There are two patients there -*

an ancient sleeping lady and a Mexican woman in a poncho

knitting. At the central reception desk, a girl, BETSY, built *

like a linebacker (female Chris Farley), reads the newspaper

and sits next to a delicate looking young man, ERIC (Chris

Colfer with no singing ability). These are Shulman Associates *

receptionists.

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