The Mindy Project Page #4

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Betsy shrieks.

ERIC:

What? What is it?

BETSY:

I’m sorry. I thought that raisin

was a bug.

We see a single stray raisin on the desk between them. She

reaches over and pops it in her mouth. Eric is disgusted.

BETSY (CONT’D)

What? I know it’s not a bug.

ERIC:

But were you sure it was a raisin?

Mira enters, takes a deep breath, and walks up to the main *

reception desk. *

MIRA:

Guys, I don’t know how else to put *

this:
I spent the night in jail. *

ERIC *

Yeah, we saw it on youtube. *

BETSY *

They did a mash-up of it with Ke$ha *

song. It was hilarious. *

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MIRA *

That was fast. Okay, well, I’m glad *

it happened, in a way. Because now: *

fresh start. New me. Guys, it has *

come to my attention that my part *

of the office looks more like a *

marijuana dispensary than a

successful doctor’s office. Who is *

in charge of decorating?

ERIC:

That wasn’t a job you really

designated to anyone.

MIRA:

I need my section of this office to *

not look like Port Authority. *

BETSY:

I’m so sorry we let you down, Mira.

MIRA:

Just, let’s try to fix this.

BETSY:

And to do this on the day of your *

big date? It’s unforgivable.

Betsy hurls her magazine in anger. *

BETSY (CONT’D)

Betsy, how could you be so stupid?! *

MIRA:

Well, don’t get over-upset.

BETSY *

Stupid! Stupid! *

MIRA *

Okay. Stop. Stop. I forgive you. *

BETSY *

You’re so merciful. *

MIRA:

Let’s change subjects. Tonight. Hot

Date. Real date. I am not *

available. Even if Taylor Swift

herself is delivering triplets. No *

interruptions.

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BETSY:

We should definitely talk about

this, but you have a new patient

and she’s waiting in your office.

MIRA:

(excited)

Oh hell yes. *

Mira goes to enter her office.

ERIC:

May I suggest you put on your lab

coat? You look like your own mug

shot.

MIRA:

Yikes. Hit me up.

Mira throws on her lab coat, Eric and Betsy spruce her up by

running a comb through her hair and removing lint - they do

this a lot. Mira goes in.

INT. MIRA’S OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER

We see NASREEN,a very pregnant woman in a hijab, accompanied

by her 10-year-old son, MAX. Mira looks through her chart,

disappointed.

MIRA:

So Nasreen, you are eight and a

half months pregnant with your

second child. Your husband died six

months ago and you was covered

under his health insurance, leaving

you... with no coverage.

Max translates. Nasreen says: “That is correct.”

MIRA (CONT’D)

I’m sorry, we have a policy.

Mira points to a sign on the wall with an illustration of

Hagar the Horrible saying: “No health insurance, no care.”

Max translates back.

MAX:

Do you think you could make an

exception?

MIRA:

It’s just that if I treat you, then

others will use this as a

precedent.

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Max translates.

MAX *

We won’t tell anyone.

MIRA:

Still, they could find out.

MAX:

How?

MIRA:

I might say something. It might

slip out by the watercooler. In my

sleep. I can’t control it.

A confused Max begins to translate this. He’s miming a water

cooler.

MIRA (CONT’D)

Okay, fine. I’ll take you on as a

patient. But I am really not

psyched about this. You need to

promise me you’ll get insurance.

And don’t mention this to anyone.

Max translates and Nasreen is excited.

MAX:

Thank you so much.

MIRA:

You’re welcome. I better be the

godmother to this freaking kid.

Nasreen, come with me.

Max gets up.

MIRA (CONT’D)

Max, you can stay here.

MAX:

What if she needs me?

MIRA:

We’ll be fine.

(off his worried look)

Here, play with my phone. But don’t

download anything.

INT. RECEPTION AREA - A LITTLE LATER

Nasreen and Max leave. Mira stands at the door.

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MIRA:

Bye guys! Hope you find the bus

stop okay! *

They leave. Mira turns to Betsy and Eric.

MIRA (CONT’D)

What the hell, you guys? A non-

English-speaking, 8 months pregnant

widow with no health insurance?! *

BETSY *

I couldn’t turn her away.

MIRA:

Yes, you could’ve. I admire that *

you guys want to help the needy,

but this office is not an

inflatable raft. I give plenty to

charity, I’m doing a noble

profession, and frankly, I have my

own problems, okay? I am hooked on

expensive hair products the way a

heroin addict is hooked on drugs. I

just can’t take any more patients

who can’t pay or don’t have health

insurance. I want patients like *

those guys. *

Mira gestures to the white patients sitting in the other *

doctor’s areas. Betsy takes notes on a pad. *

BETSY *

More white patients. Done. *

MIRA *

Well, don’t write that. *

(whispers) *

But yes. *

(then, to Eric) *

Give me my date outfit. I want to *

try it on. *

Eric hands her a bag of clothes. *

ERIC *

I resent that you made me buy your *

clothes. Just because I’m gay *

doesn’t mean I like shopping for *

womens clothes. *

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INT. OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER *

Brooks is now there, picking up some paperwork. Mira steps *

out, wearing wedge boots, leggings, an over-sized and a chic *

over-sized sweater, chunky necklace. *

MIRA *

Well? *

BETSY *

You look amazing. *

MIRA *

Thanks. I wanted to wear sequins *

but Gwen says it looks like I’m *

going to a quinceañera. *

Brooks makes a noise of disapproval. *

MIRA (CONT’D) *

I can hear you, making little *

sounds. What? *

BROOKS *

That is not a good date outfit. *

MIRA *

What do you mean? It’s fashion-y *

and fabulous. *

BROOKS *

Bag lady sweater? Those boots that *

look live hooves? Chunky necklace? *

Girls like that stuff but guys hate *

it. *

MIRA *

Uhh, I’m pretty sure guys like *

this. *

BROOKS *

I repeat:
Unless your date is with *

an middle-aged lesbian, that is not *

a good date outfit. *

ERIC *

(smitten) *

That’s hilarious. *

MIRA *

No, it’s not hilarious, Eric. It’s *

offensive. I’m offended on behalf *

of gay people. *

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ERIC *

I’m gay and I loved it. *

MIRA *

Shut up, Eric. Other, smarter, gay *

people. *

BROOKS *

Just my two cents. But what do I *

know? I’m just a wealthy, single, *

heterosexual white male. *

ERIC *

(into it) *

Yeah, you are. *

BETSY *

Well, what do you think she should *

wear? *

BROOKS *

Easy. Tight dress. High heels. *

MIRA *

Great. Clayton Brooks, everyone, *

the most boring, predictable man on *

the planet. *

BROOKS *

Okay, fine. You know what would *

really look best? If you lost *

fifteen pounds. *

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